


Somebody That You Used To Know | Kylo Ren Mafia AU

by simpremerat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cliffhangers, Dark, F/M, Mobster Kylo Ren, Plot, Plot Twists, Slow Burn, Smut, Some Humor, Star Wars Alternate Universe - No Force, Star Wars Alternate Universe - No Jedi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 69,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpremerat/pseuds/simpremerat
Summary: You vowed to love Ben Solo for as long as you both lived; but a cruel twist of fate stole him from you, leaving behind only the darkest parts of the man you loved who now calls himself Kylo Ren. Determined to help him remember who he used to be, you follow him down a path neither of you may ever return from.dark romance. modern day mafia/mob au. 18+. Kylo Ren X Reader.Trigger Warnings;-blood-violence-gore-torture-smut-nsfw-dub-con-choking- dom!Kylo/sub! Reader- sexual situations-language-mentions of abuse/traumatic childhood-mature themes-substance abuse-major character deaths*story was originally and is still posted to Wattpad. Due to the recent purchase of the app which could result in the removal of certain stories I'm posting to Ao3 to be safe.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

_TWs; sexual situations, mentions of death and violence._

**_Before_ **

_"Sorry." Ben muttered slyly, clearly anything but apologetic for his seventh win of the evening. A more rational person might have given up after the second game, admitting defeat in the colorful board game you'd dug off a dusty shelf in the coffee shop while you waited for the torrential rain outside to let up. It was supposed to be fun, a way to pass the time on a still-slightly-awkward second date. But it had quickly become an all out grudge match once you beat him in Clue._

_Mrs. Peacock. Candlestick. Billiard Room. Four turns and you were cracking the case, pulling the correct cards out of the battered evidence envelope, fielding his accusations of cheating with nothing but absolute confidence in your detective skills._

_Scrabble was a loss. Spoiler alert; when you play Scrabble, everyone loses. Including the winner._

_Old Maid had been some of the tensest moments of your life, simple questions like 'got any 3's?' becoming passionate debates on what the pursuit of happiness truly entailed._

_Later that night under the canopy of stars on display from the bed of his truck, still breathless from a myriad of failed attempts at charades, turned play wrestling match, turned tearing each other's clothes off, all thoughts of games completely vanished._

**_************_ **

_"Jesus, why are you so pissed at me? I called you my girlfriend. You're acting like I called you Hitler's secret love child." He stood right at the edge of the stage, watching you prepare for your performance. Before now he would have joined you, teasing about fifthly things watching you perform in a Burlesque club inspired in him. But not tonight. You'd been irritated with him for days, ignoring his calls and texts, and snapping at him over the smallest of infractions when he finally tracked you down to talk face to face._

_You knew it was petty; most girls would have just been happy the guy they'd been seeing that they really, really liked considered them their girlfriend. Commitment issues in guys your age were as common as heat in the desert; the chronically unavailable wrecking havoc on the female species._

_But you weren't like most other girls. You didn't need or want the validation. Titles didn't matter. What did matter was knowing that you had his respect, not his fucking letterman jacket._

_"Right, and I should fucking melt because you decided I was your girlfriend?" You countered, narrowing your eyes dangerously . You abandoned your efforts to get your mic set up, stomping across the stage, heedless of the five inch heels you balanced on. "Did it ever occur to you that_ **_asking_ ** _\- key word there you seemed to have missed - me to be your girlfriend is a conversation, not a decision you make by yourself?"_

_"_ That's _what this is about?" He demanded incredulously, genuine shock intertwining with the irritation marring his features. He ran a frustrated hand through his messy black hair, looking so adorably flustered you almost forgot for a second you were pissed with him. "We've been seeing each other for months, (Y/N)! We don't see other people, you've met my friends. For fuck's sake, I played_ ** _golf_** _with your dad last weekend. Do you have any idea how much I fucking hate golf? But that's the kind of shit you do when you're with someone you care about. How could I not think of you as my girlfriend by now?"_

_Deep down you knew he hadn't meant any harm...and admittedly that you'd overacted to something that was - and the end of the day - a good thing, but it was the principle of the thing. And your pride._

_"If it's really that obvious then why not ask? We're not children with a school yard crush, Ben. We can communicate."_

_To your surprise he paused only a moment before hopping up on to the stage in one lithe movement that left you both impressed and desirous. Instead of standing to face you he knelt down as if to propose, but rather than offering you a ring, he took your hand, looking up into your eyes with a mixture of tenderness and amusement. "(Y/N), you independent, stubborn, infuriating, gorgeous, incredible woman that has managed to turn my world completely upside down...would you be my girlfriend?" He paused only a second before his lips turned up, fighting a smile. He wobbled slightly, struggling to maintain his balance on the sleek floor, "An expedient answer would be in everyone's best interest."_

_And despite yourself, the hesitation you'd stubbornly clung to melted away, a ridiculously happy smile breaking over your pink glossed lips as you urged him to his feet, "I thought you'd never ask, asshole."_

_His kiss swallowed whatever snarky commentary you might have added. You melted into him, your arms twining around his neck, desperate to pull him closer until his hands found their way to your thighs, hooking around them and raising you up effortlessly._

_He pulled back just enough to press his lips to your forehead, your eyelids, the tip of your nose, and back to your mouth. You could feel his smile, the happiness radiating through him. He pressed his forehead against yours, lost in the world you'd created together and completely unaware of your stunned audience on and off stage. "You should always wear lingerie when we fight, you'll never lose an argument again."_

_"Shut up and kiss me, Solo."_

_**********_

_"Ben?"_

_You found him hunched over his desk. The office was shadowy, lit by only a small lamp near the door. A half empty tumbler of scotch sat next to his hand, sluggish fingers extended towards it as if it would move closer to him by sheer force of will. His already shaggy dark hair was a tangled mess, a telltale sign he'd been raking his fingers through it in frustration._

_Though you knew full well it wasn't such a lackluster emotion that had him in a tailspin._

_You'd gotten the news only minutes before, a short, mumbled sentence followed by a sharp intake of breath that communicated the pit of grief better than words ever could have._

_Han was dead._

_You hadn't known Ben's father well, their relationship had turned to brittle tolerance before you'd even met him. Whenever he spoke of his dad he carefully avoided anything that deviated from fact; he was in his late sixties, he'd worked for the same company for over thirty years, he and Leia had been married for forty two years._

_When you would question him further, wondering the kind of husband and father he was, Ben was nearly always quiet. He seldom spoke badly of people; silence was his personal version of disapproval. The most he'd ever revealed was to simply say that he thought his dad had done the best he could, but he was ill suited for domesticity._

_Now looking at him, you were reminded there were twenty eight years worth of history you knew nothing about._

_It seemed to take him several long moments to even realize you were in the room. When you stepped around the desk and laid your hand gently on his back, rubbing soothing circles, he looked up at you through the curtain of his hair, "So you heard then?"_

_"Luke called. He's with your mom." You confirmed quietly. Though you doubted booze would help much, you didn't have it in your heart to watch him struggle. You edged the glass into his hand. He nodded his thanks before raising it unsteadily to his lips, "Do you want to go over there?"_

_The glass, once he'd drained it and dropped it unceremoniously on the polished surface of his desk, clattered loudly. An out of place sound in the otherwise silent house, "I can't go there."_

_His voice was cracked and raspy, thick with drink. Laden with grief. His cheeks flushed. His gaze flickered towards the empty glass, seeming irritated to find it empty, "I shouldn't be there," he stipulated without prompting._

_You found it difficult to believe Leia at least would have shared that view. Despite the less than stellar relationships that existed between Ben and his parents you knew his mom adored him. Surely she would want him there when she was grieving her husband?_

_"He was your dad, Ben. You have every right to be there." It was meant to be a reassurance, but you felt his shoulders tense underneath your hand._

_"How would you know? You've met my family, what, four times? Maybe 5. You don't have a fucking clue what I have rights to." He'd never been a mean drunk. But you knew from experience that shock could have all kinds of affects._

_While his words stung, you didn't rise to the bait. "You're right, I don't. But I know your mom wouldn't want you to feel that way."_

_But his anger burned out as quickly as it had set in. Guilt washed over his features, already pleading for forgiveness he would have never had to ask for. Not from you. "I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to help." Sitting back against the leather upholstered headrest his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer. You continued to rub his back, your other hand moving to take the one he reached out to you, "I hadn't spoken to him in months. I didn't even know he was sick," he confessed quietly, the guilt only seeing to grow more prevalent._

_It was_ _the_ _first and only time you'd ever heard him voice any kind of regret where his father was concerned. He'd made vague statements before about knowing they should make peace. But they'd been empty, obligatory words. The kind of thing you_ **_should_ ** _say. In the two years you'd known him he'd never made any move in the direction of reconciliation. And you knew Ben well enough to know that when he wanted something he worked at it until he made it happen._

_It concerned you, this wistfulness he was drowning in now. How could he ever get closure when Han was already gone? Shallow reassurances weren't going to cut it. "If you could say anything to him, anything at all, what would it be?" You questioned instead, trying to meet his need for an outlet, and wanting to understand yourself the complicated relationship between the two of them._

_Kylo was quiet for so long you assumed he wasn't going to answer, or was too far gone in booze and misery to comprehend your question. But after what felt like a lifetime he finally let out an unsteady breath, "That I should have given him the chance to make things right. That I've given everyone else in my life the opportunity to be human and the least I could have done was allowed him the same benefit of the doubt. And," he paused, finding your gaze again in the shadows, his eyes burning with sincerity, "I won't make the same mistakes we did again. With you, with our children. That's what I'd want him to know. That I know what I have to do, and I won't fail."_

_You felt tears run down your cheeks as he clung to you, absolute in his promise._

**_***********_ **

_"My vow to you is to be more than your spouse. More than a partner in sickness and health. I promise that you will have a friend every day of your life. You have my love in only its most unconditional form. You will have a forever wedding date, and someone always willing to challenge you when you're wrong. I will share in your joys, grieve in your losses, and you will never face either or anything in between alone._

_I swear to you, Ben Solo, that as long as we both shall live I am completely, irrevocably, and undeniably_ **_yours_ ** _."_

**_After_ **

_I'm sorry Mrs. Solo, but it's total memory loss. He has no recollection of any of his life. Not even his name. I won't say that it's impossible he'll ever regain them, but I'm not optimistic. The trauma from the accident was much more severe than a case of amnesia; this kind of frontal lobe injury will more than likely come with episodes of uncontrolled or unprovoked rage, poor impulse control, and very possibly dramatic shifts in personality from who he was before. You need to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that the Ben Solo you knew is gone._

_...the Ben Solo you knew is gone._

_...gone._

Three months. Ninety days since you sat across from a virtual stranger in a cold, generically decorated office so he could tell you that your husband was gone. Not dead. No, death was too simple. Maybe even too kind. Ben hadn't been taken from you in the form of blood and freshly dug earth scattered over a casket. Yet he was gone in a way nearly as permanent.

Ben didn't wake up after the accident. Even when those deep amber eyes finally opened, he still wasn't home. The man who woke up in that bed was not your Ben. He had no memory of who Ben was. And even as he recovered there was no sign of him in sight.

Ben was thoughtful. Meticulous. Completely devoted to his passions. If he loved something he would work at it with every fiber of his being. He was shy in public, preferring to let you do more of the talking, but would take your hand underneath tables or whisper in your ear in stolen moments. He was unendingly patient, never broke a sweat over things that reduced most people to puddles of stress and anxiety. Naturally gifted at nearly everything he tried, competitive, yet only with himself. He was the best listener you'd ever known; asking prompting questions and never offering unwarranted advice. His temper, in the rare moments it made an appearance was always taken out on a punching bag at the gym. In any instance when he was angry or upset with you he was open, entirely honest in his thoughts and feelings and never depriving you of the opportunity to explain. There were people in his life who had earned his hatred, and while he may have distanced himself he never spoke an ill word about them. But then in the contradictory ways of love, he was fiercely protective of you. Your champion and advocate in every pursuit.

He was, among many other things, your best friend. Your partner. Cliché or not; your soulmate.

The man who woke up in Ben's place, however, was the opposite of the man you exchanged vows with.

In the blink of an eye your husband was no longer patient and fair, but volatile and reactive. Violent. Impatient. Viciously cruel with so little prompting the doctor's use of the word 'unprovoked' took on new meaning. His intelligence and fearlessness remained, but manifested in different ways. He was challenging, first with the doctors, then you, then seemingly everyone he crossed paths with. He refused the therapy, discussions of treatment. Every effort you made to reach him, to reach Ben was met with open and unflinching hostility.

He left the hospital against all of his doctor's orders. It took you weeks to track him down and the aid of a PI. You'd expected to find him lost. Scared. Overwhelmed. But instead you found him at the cusp of a new life, determined to leave Ben, and you, in the past.

"Stop looking for Ben Solo," he'd told you simply, hesitating in the doorway, refusing to even meet your gaze, "I killed him. Let him die."

It had been months since that day. He'd disappeared without a trace and you had no way of recalling him. A fortune had been lost in PI fees but each one turned up less information than the last. When Ben left that day he hadn't taken a single thing with him. Everything he owned remained in your home, as equally forgotten and unwanted as you were. There was no finding Ben because Ben didn't exist anymore. At least according to them, it was like trying to track a ghost.

************

The break in the long cold case came in the most unusual form. When your current PI, Finn, called you out of the blue on a Thursday morning, you weren't sure how to process the information he was giving you. Some part of you wanted desperately for it to be true, even if you didn't like the exact reality you'd be waking into, it was better than nothing.

But there was another side of you, the part that had lost countless nights hunched over your laptop, desperate for any signs that he wasn't really gone, the part that spent your second anniversary alone that wasn't going to survive the disappointment of a dead end. Or worse, finding exactly what you feared. **Who** you feared.

Finn was kind, more understanding in the face of your hesitation than you would have expected for someone who did this for a living. He gave you everything he'd found, leaving the choice to follow through in your hands.

At the end of his email, he simply wrote;

_I know this isn't what you wanted to see. I really wish I had better news. Don't beat yourself up if you decide not to go through with it. You're strong. You'll be okay without him. But if you do decide to pursue this, I'm here if you need me._

It was sweet, the way he encouraged you, and you had no doubt if you called him he would show up. But this was something you had to do alone.

************

_ The Starkiller  _

The strip club, while on the outskirts of the city, was apparently an infamous landmark. Nowhere you ever would have frequented, but Finn's information was fairly detailed and came from a multitude of relatable sources.

According to one of the police reports he'd attached to his email the most recent incident involved a fight that ended with a bullet riddled corpse and not a single arrest. How the hell was that even possible?

Not really a question you wanted to be asking as you stepped inside.

The place was massive, easily twice the size of an average restaurant. The walls were all painted a matte black, the floors a sleek, polished, and equally dark finish. The open floor plan was dominated primarily around a sizable bar near the front entrance, and a stage that ran from the center of the room all the way to the back wall that led off to what you assumed was a backstage area.

A collection of tables and chairs were set up around the stage and larger, circular booths lined the walls. Multicolored lights flashed overhead, casting an eerie glow over every available surface. A remix of a classic rock song you couldn't remember the name of blasted through the speakers, you could feel the vibrations in your ballet flat-covered feet.

It was relatively early in the night but the club was already more than half full. Groups of men and women were already seated or crowded around the bar, settling in for the evening. There was a dancer on stage, dressed in a leather corset and thong, but few paid her much attention. She must have been the pre-show.

In fact, you were fairly sure _you_ were receiving more stares than she was, but for a very different. You weren't dressed for a night out or a stint on stage. Your purpose there was all business.

"(Y/N)...what an unexpected surprise."

As if summoned by your thoughts, his voice sounded behind you, so hauntingly familiar you closed your eyes for just a moment before turning to face him. Your last moments of blissful ignorance were to be savored.

You felt your heart skip a beat. There he was. Ben. Almost the same as the last time you'd seen him. His hair was a little longer, styled instead of a state of disarray. He wore a black button down and slacks that probably cost more than what he used to make in a month. And if not the clothes than the watch on his wrist.

But what really struck you as the most heartbreaking difference was the guardedness in his eyes. The lack of openness and tenderness that your presence used to effortlessly summon. The way he watched you now was curious. Suspicious. A touch of cruelty. Interest of a less than _chaste_ nature. "I guess it is," you responded levelly, clearing your throat as subtly as possible, "seeing as how you fell off the face of the earth."

Accusation wasn't entirely absent from your tone. You'd tried not to - not just in the present moment but over the last few months - hold it against him that his memory loss stripped him of any obligation or loyalty to you, but logic didn't lessen the pain. He'd known how hard you were fighting to bring Ben back, that you would have given anything just to help him remember a piece of his life before, but he hadn't even been willing to try.

You felt like you weren't worth the effort, and that was a brand of rejection that knew no end.

"I didn't. Ben did." He answered simply, shrugging as if it didn't much matter. In four simple words he confirmed what Finn had sent you. It had been impossible to find Ben because, in essence, Ben didn't exist anymore. After starting a new life he'd changed his name to Kylo Ren. He'd moved into the city and started working for a suspected mob boss who went by Snoke. And though it was speculation, all evidence seemed to point to 'Kylo' having moved quickly through the ranks. His current place of residence was a luxury penthouse that could have only been funded with some serious income.

Income that was the direct result of drug dealing, money laundering, arms dealing, and a myriad of beatings, torturing, and murder. At least, that was the rumor. Snoke, nor any of his high ranking employees had ever been officially charged with anything. They'd been questioned numerous times and considered suspects, but the cases always inevitably went cold, or some unlikely suspect would stumble into the picture and seamlessly take the fall.

The Ben you knew never would have been involved anything like this - if for no other reason than that he worked too hard for his life and reputation to risk it by getting caught - but the man standing in front of you now _screamed_ dangerous. Even in his stance, he was like a coiled spring. Too alert to be an ordinary man. Too ready to react. You wondered how those instincts could have so quickly been developed by someone who up until a few months ago had never even held a weapon unless you considered a chef's knife for stir fry particularly threatening.

"You _are_ Ben. You can call yourself whatever you want but it doesn't change the past." You finally managed to fire back, refusing to participate in his insistence that somehow the man you loved was gone. Buried deep within his subconscious? Absolutely. Forgotten? Unfortunately. But not gone.

Ben Solo was not the kind of man the world simply replaced.

A spark of irritation flashed in his eyes and you braced yourself for the worst, for him to walk away yet again and dismiss you. But instead his lips quirked slightly after a moment. "Still so stubborn," he murmured, taking a step closer to you. Looking down from his impressive height he nodded towards one of the booths along the wall, "Come with me,"

Though the words were technically an invitation, you weren't given a choice. He grasped your wrist unexpectedly, pulling you along behind him, ignoring your surprised yelp. His long stride forced you to nearly jog to keep up. You wondered sardonically if he would have just drug you behind him if you couldn't. "Let go of m..." your hissed threat was abruptly cut off as he sat down on one of the ends of the upholstered benches, tugging you forward to stand between his legs. His hand remained shackled around your wrist - his touch no matter what the fuck he called himself still spreading wildfire across your skin. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're going to complain that I want some privacy with you? Isn't that why you came here?" He countered, raising a dark brow at your outrage. Smug and utterly self possessed. Another moment of a stranger in Ben's skin.

Still trying to free yourself from his grip, you met his gaze with a glare, "Don't patronize me. You know why I'm here."

His expression turned thoughtful, his head tilting to the side. The overhead lights glinted off his raven black hair, eyes gleaming with some unidentifiable emotion. "Yes, I do, little wife. You're nothing if not persistent." He murmured, watching your in drawn breath at his first acknowledgement of your marriage since the accident. You couldn't help it. Even if it was little more than a condescending pet name, you didn't have it in you to let that go. "Believe it or not, I'm glad you found me."

Throwing you yet another curve ball, you could feel the disbelief overtaking your expression. You temporarily abandoned your efforts to distance yourself, trying and failing not to allow your hopes to be set ablaze at the idea that he wasn't desperate to get away from you. It made you feel pathetic to be so conflicted about him considering everything that had happened....everything you now knew, but that was truly the price of loving someone; the power they held over you could be your greatest asset and weakness rolled into one, "You really expect me to believe that? The last time I saw you, you told me to give up."

"I told you to give up on, Ben." He reminded you, gazing at you through those long, dark lashes in a way that sent a tidal wave of heat to your core, "you weren't ready to then...but I think you are now. Aren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't have come here."

His twisting of your intentions once again left you in a cloud of confusion; your refusal to give up on your husband was precisely why you'd come. Kylo hadn't even existed for you until a few hours before. "Are you really _that_ conceited that you think I would just give up on the man that I love for some second rate imitation?" The words were blurting from your lips before you'd even had a chance to consider them, that knee-jerk reaction temporarily overriding your better sense.

This time you couldn't miss the anger in his eyes. He patted his thigh twice, eyes gesturing - _commanding -_ your compliance, "Sit."

Feeling your own anger flare up at his presumptuousness, you scoffed openly, "I'm not g-"

Before you'd even gotten half a sentence out he jerked you towards him, catching you with effortless grace. You were on his lap before you could so much as blink, one arm caged around you, the other hand capturing your jaw to turn your face towards him, "Yes, you will. Now be **still** ," he warned softly when your hands pulled at his, aching for the freedom he'd so easily deprived you of. You couldn't be trusted to focus pressed against him.

Struggling to maintain even a _shred_ of your composure, your body unable to distinguish the difference between the arms that once wrapped around you so tightly, never able to be quite close enough, and those of the stranger that so clearly longed to bend you to his will. "If this is your idea of foreplay, it could use some work." It was meant to deter him, but you were so breathless with anticipation you couldn't have been less convincing.

A chuckle, cruel and full of mocking disbelief rumbled in his chest, "So that's why you're a panting mess? Why I **wouldn't** find your pussy _dripping_ for me already if I reached between those pretty thighs?" The hand cradling your jaw tightened, pulling you closer, his lips hovering just above yours, "I may not be the man you claim to want, but I can see straight through this pathetic little facade of yours."

Overwhelmed with him - his words, the arm circled painfully tight around your waist, his lips so dangerously close to your own, his _scent_ enthralling your senses - you could scarcely manage a steady breath, much less to deny the truth of his words. He wasn't Ben, but he _was_ Ben and it had been so long since you'd felt him you would have done anything for just a moment. Including letting the man who'd taken over his body dangle you over the edge of oblivion.

"What does it matter?" You managed to choke out, finally falling back on the one weapon you had remaining; the truth. " _You're_ the one who didn't want _me._ Not the other way around."

Narrowing his eyes he seemed lost in thought for several prolonged moments, holding you in place, refusing to allow you even an inch of freedom. About the moment you were sure you were going to _combust_ he finally spoke, his head dipping down so he could press his lips to you neck, "When did I ever say that?" You inhaled sharply at the feeling of his tongue against your throat before the sharp nip of his teeth on your earlobe, "I had no interest in pretending to be **him**...you, on the other hand..." you couldn't even summon a whisper of protest before his lips crashed into yours, claiming them in a hungry kiss. His tongue pushed past your unyielding mouth, greedily exploring. He didn't stop until he'd stolen the breath from your lungs, pulling abruptly and leaving you gasping, "You, my beautiful little wife, I think I'll keep for myself."

_What?_

You didn't want to believe the words coming out of his mouth; you couldn't. If he was lying or toying with you, it could only lead to a new and crueler brand of devastation than what you'd already clawed your way through. And though you could have counted yourself as a survivor for remaining on your feet, you knew with every fiber of your being you couldn't even _begin_ to do it again. But the alternative was no kinder; if he were being sincere it was the worst kind of betrayal to Ben. Engaging even for a second was pushing him that much further away.

It was no better than fucking a perfect stranger behind his back.

Letting that thought deep into your thoughts, every inch of your body, you finally found the willpower to shove away from him, rising back to your feet. Either you'd caught him off guard or he allowed you to, but he didn't stop you. Didn't reach for you again as you took an uncertain step backwards. A step away from him, giving yourself a few feet to breathe again. "Do you really think I'm that **weak**? I know you don't remember me, but I thought I had made at least one thing clear; I love _Ben_. There isn't a line I wouldn't cross for him. I'm here because you're what's standing in the way of him getting his life back. I didn't promise forever to Kylo Ren, so don't act like our marriage means anything more to you right now than another bargaining chip to use against me."

Despite the knot in your chest, the nerves mounting within you at the darkness seeping into his features, you couldn't help but feel proud of yourself for holding your ground. For not letting the deliciously happy relief of just being near him control your actions.

For being able to see Kylo instead of Ben.

The music around suddenly blared louder, startling you. The lights shifting and swiveling towards the stage. Despite yourself you glanced to the right to watch as a brunette emerged from backstage in a skimpy version of a cop's uniform, rolling her hips to the music, smiling as she twirled a pair of handcuffs around her fingers. The crowd shifted, much of the patrons at the bar moving to find seats nearer to the stage.

The atmosphere had shifted in an instant. Your refusal to melt and his apparent anger and lust blending into a potent cocktail that could only end badly. When you tore your eyes from the stage he was on his feet, too. Towering over you. A red glow from the overhead light show bathed him in sinister light. "I admire your loyalty," he admitted, voice somehow projecting easily over the noise, shadowing each step you took away from him, still enjoying toying with you, "it's not easy to find that in another person. But I think you're overlooking something vital...I could give you more than he ever could."

Your automatic instinct was to argue, to tell him that your love for your husband had nothing to do with what he could do for you, but Kylo was quick. Reflexes sharp and deadly precise. In a flash you were back in his arms. Your back pressed against his chest as he turned you to face the stage. His hand twisted in your hair, tilting your head to the side so he could murmur in your ear, "I can give you the life he never had the balls to take. You'll never want for anything again. I can fuck you the way you so desperately _need_ to be; I'll have you **begging** for it when I'm done with you. I can erase him as completely from your mind as he is from mine. All you have to do is give in."

Despite yourself, despite knowing that this was not a man who wanted _you_ , but rather hated the idea that you wanted the man he couldn't stand to be more than you could ever want him...you'd be lying if you said he wasn't getting to you. You hated his intolerance of Ben, but you missed the feeling of being so intensely **wanted**. The only thing that kept you from leaning into him was the knowledge that someday you would have it back.

You would have your husband back. Not Kylo Ren.

"Over my dead body." You growled in response, trying unsuccessfully to break his hold. Anywhere else this display the two of you were causing so out in the open would have attracted attention, but here? No one even spared you a glance, focused instead on the second dancer gliding down the stage, a leather braided whip in her hands.

But rather than flare up again at your defiance, you felt him chuckle again. You could _feel_ his smirk as he finally released his grip on your hair and instead rested his chin on top of your head, "There won't be any need for anything so dramatic. You'll come around. You'll put up a hell of a fight first, and sweetheart I can't _wait_ to watch you try, but in the end you'll be **mine**. Not his."

A single, possessive kiss to the top of your head announced his departure, his arms sliding away so quickly you might hav believed they were never there were it not for the lasting ache of his grip. You spun around, facing him again, knowing your cheeks were flushed. Probably looking a disheveled disaster compared to his sleek composure. Your jaw slackened, a million words playing through your mind but not a single one managing to form on your lips.

"Go home," he advised darkly, forbidden promise gleaming in his eyes as he raked his gaze slowly, _hungrily_ over every inch of you body, "before I change my mind and show you right now, in front of every last fucking person here how wrong you are."

Standing down to anyone wasn't in your nature, it never had been, but there was something chilling in the way he watched you that made you certain not only would he back up his threats, but that you were hilariously unprepared to face off against him. This world he'd joined, the dark path he forged for himself, was paved in blood and violence. This wasn't an ordinary man indulging in anger; this was a predator begging you to challenge him. And while you knew you would some day soon, today wasn't the day. You needed a back up plan for your back up plans. You needed to prepare for the fight he promised you.

So you swallowed back your innate desire to fight back - for now - instead giving him an icy glare. Your own personal promise that this was far from over. You strode past him, letting your shoulder hit his arm before heading for the door.

"Dream of me tonight, little wife. I'll be seeing you **very** soon," he called after you, allowing himself one last smirk before melting into the crowd. 

*****************  
**(** a/n **)**

Oops...I did it again.

As always I will try and post TWs at the start of each chapter, but please be aware this is a mature/18+ story. This chapter barely scratched the surface...

Please vote, like, and comment and tell me what you think!

Thank you for reading! <3


	2. Let Go

**_ TWs; _ ** _sexual situations, dub-con, murder, violence, blood._   
  


** Before **

_"Why did you agree to go out with me?"_

_It was one of those rare, lazy afternoons when your seemingly busier-by-the-day schedules matched up. Any other Sunday afternoon he would be with his friends, drinking too much and laughing too hard at the façade they called a 'bowling league'. There was no league, by the way. It was the seven of them, a collection of gutter balls, and a sad score card flashing on the overhead screen of their lane showing a combined score of less than 20 for the ' **Knights of Ren** '. Not that it would bother them. The whole thing was an excuse for them to stay in touch post-college. And in Vicrul's case escape whatever stage five clinger he was dating that week. You never joined them after the first time you'd gone and you realized with a warmth that melted your heart that Ben created the whole thing to show his friends they were important to him._

_Usually Sunday afternoons for you were spent either at the studio or the gym, depending on Nia's availability. It was always so much easier to motivate yourself to go when you knew you would have her commentary along the way. Seven years of friendship and your best friend could still make you choke on water while she did her lunk head impression in the mirror. Though you valued what studio time you could get nearly as much. You weren't ashamed to admit you'd danced in a Burlesque club to help you pay your way through university. With the tips it paid way better than waiting tables ever would have, and honestly? It was fun. You'd been a dancer since you were old enough to balance on your own two feet, in your mind it was just using a talent for employment the way plenty of other people did. It was really just a hobby now, you probably only did a few actual performances a year, but it was by and large your favorite stress reliever to go spend a couple of hours at the studio._

_Though you both enjoyed your normal routines, things had fallen through this weekend. Cardo and Ap'lek, working for the same company, had a retreat. Vicrul's new girlfriend had demanded a weekend getaway. The studio was being painted. Nia was at a gamer's convention._

_The perfect storm that led you both the couch, watching another sheet of snow fall outside. A fire crackled in the fireplace, filling the living room with a warm glow. Your empty mugs sat on the coffee table in front of you. They'd started out filled with what was intended to be homemade cider, but thanks to both of your lack of home making skills it had essentially been a pot of clove scented water that tasted even worse than it smelled, but was rectified by adding a generous portion of bourbon to each mug._

_You rested your head lazily against his chest, fingernails tracing lightly up and down his right arm. You were snuggled between his legs, a blanket thrown over both of you. His fingers were twined through your hair, stroking the top of your head, every now and then twisting a lock around one of his long fingers. He'd always loved playing with your hair. It was the reason you hadn't gotten more than a trim in years; you didn't have the heart to deprive him._

_At his question you looked up at him in mild surprise. You'd both been quiet for quite some time, simply enjoying the silence. You'd lost interest in the movie you'd already forgotten the name of on the TV in front of you. "Where did that come from?" you countered, curious as to why he'd asked. Wasn't that the sort of question people asked immediately after the date; not after they were married?_

_"I don't know," he admitted, that beautiful half-smile that never failed to tug at your heartstrings gracing his lips before he shrugged, "I was just thinking about it. You told me you'd never gone out with anyone you hadn't known for at least a few weeks before. So why was I different?" A beat of silence went by before the smile turned teasing, "It was my ass, right?"_

_You laughed,_ **_almost_ ** _inclined to mention that you had pretty shamelessly checked him out a few minutes before he drifted from the line at the coffee house to your table. But you decided to make him work a little harder before flattering his ego, "Oh yeah, it was all ass. I didn't even realize you had a face until our second date." You teased sarcastically, gasping in mock horror when his free hand swatted across your legging-clad rear under the blanket, "Hey!"_

_His answering chuckle tumbled in his chest, clearly unrepentant. "There's more where that came from," he warned suggestively, the fingers in your hair sliding lower, drifting across the nape of your neck and sending a swarm of butterflies to your stomach. "Tell me."_

_"Promise?" you goaded, giggling when he looked down at you again, a hilarious mixture of hope and exasperation coloring his features. His family, at least according to him, had been pretty conservative growing up, his parents rarely even exchanging 'I love you's in his presence. Public displays of affection tended to make him mildly uncomfortable. Even when it was just the two of you, you could manage to make him blush if you tried hard enough. Your family had been the exact opposite, closer to inappropriate than outgoing, but you'd never doubted for even a second the sun rose and set on the other. Thirty seven years of marriage and your parents still took spontaneous road trips and felt entirely comfortable making out at the Thanksgiving table. Before you drove him too crazy you finally threw him a bone, "Honestly? If you hadn't asked me out I was fully prepared to stalk you."_

_Leaning up on your elbow so you could more comfortably meet his gaze, internally screaming at yourself for not having told him the story before, "When you were standing in line for coffee the lady in front of you had two kids with her, a baby, and a little boy. Maybe 2? The baby was crying and she was trying to help her but she was on the phone, it sounded like her car had broken down but she couldn't afford the repairs. The little boy was restless and was getting upset until you started making these ridiculous faces at him to make him laugh. When she was ordering you slipped a handful of cash in her stroller even though you were barely getting by yourself. And when she left you hit the handicap door opener so she didn't have to struggle with it. That woman never knew a single thing you did, she probably just thought her day had finally turned around. You made her life better just because you could, and you didn't even want acknowledgement. You had a yes before you even sat down_ _at my table_ _."_

_The longer you spoke, the more recognition dawned on his face, remembering moments he'd probably long since forgotten because he did things like that all the time. Small kindnesses to strangers and friends alike that were seldom seen. He was so much better of a man than anyone - probably even including you - would ever know._

_"Why didn't you tell me you saw me?" He questioned, his hand shifting back to your hair, brows cinched together in confusion._

_"Because you didn't want the recognition," You responded honestly. Without a doubt you'd known. Even if you had brought it up he would have done what he always did; act like it was something everyone would have done and changed the subject._

_The world didn't make many people like Ben Solo._

_Even now you could tell he was uncomfortable with the praise. Or maybe it was just surprise he didn't hide as well as he thought he did._

_"Oh."_

_Oh. If there were a more Ben response than that, you'd eat your fucking foot. Rolling your eyes you leaned up and pressed your lips against his, your hand sliding up his chest. Surprised but pleased, you felt his other arm slide around your back, pulling you closer, the hand in your hair moving to cradle your cheek. _

_By the time you pulled away you were both struggling for breath. You smiled softly before snuggling back against his muscular chest, breathing in the scent of him that had become your_ **_home_ ** _._

_"Oh."_   
  
  


** After **

"Finn I'm not an idiot, I can tell you're holding something back. Spit it out."

You sat across from him at one of the patio tables at a restaurant downtown you'd chosen at the last moment from Trip Advisor. It was one of the top rated in the area, but the real reason you'd chosen it is because it was new. You'd never been there with Ben. It held no significance, allowing you to clear your head as much as possible and focus. You may have called your PI for more information, but this wasn't about nostalgia or remembrance.

You were gearing up for all out war.

It had been foolish of you to rush into that club thinking that you could make a difference so quickly. This alter ego of Ben's, this man who called himself 'Kylo Ren' and swore to erase your husband from your mind, wasn't going to be bullied into submission. In fact after spending only a few minutes with him you were confident you would have to change your entire approach.

Once you'd walked out of the club the night before and breathed in a lungful of fresh air, letting the chill chase away the lingering warmth of his breath in your ear, you'd immediately responded to Finn's email. While he'd never known Ben - and honestly didn't know you much better - you liked him. He had good instincts and he seemed to have a level headed approach to even the most unorthodox of situations. Unlike your family and friends who would be inclined to take your side and be swayed by the emotional side of the story, Finn would give you the facts and check his opinions at the door.

Mostly.

You got the impression he was trying to protect you from the very worst of the news. It wouldn't be the first time. He was a good man, but his profession you were sure brought him to a lot of scared, defenseless women who undoubtedly jumped at the opportunity to seek shelter in his arms and be shielded from the ugliness of the world. It wasn't a crime to want a hero, but you weren't going to get through to Ben by hiding.

For a few long moments he remained quiet, you'd almost begun to worry he was going to hold back anyway. But he finally gave a resigned sigh, spreading his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay. Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." Reaching into his bag he rifled around for a moment before producing a manila envelope. When he slid it across the glass topped table to you, his fingers stayed poised on the edge for a prolonged moment, preventing you from taking it, "You're not going to like what I have to tell you."

You resisted - barely - the urge to tell him you hadn't liked _anything_ he'd told you thus far other than that Ben was still alive. Finn was just trying to do his job, he didn't need you snapping at him along the way over a poor choice of words.

Flipping the envelope open, you pulled a slim stack of enlarged pictures out. As you began to flip through them, first completely confused, and then beginning to put the pieces of the puzzle together, Finn explained, "I have a friend down at the PD. A detective, actually. She's been trying to bust the same king pin since she was rookie in uniform and had her partner murdered. The guy's name is Alastair Snoke," You studied an image you assumed was the man Finn referred to. He was older, maybe late sixties if you had to guess, with thinning white hair. From behind he was utterly average; height, weight, build. But from the front? He looked like the things nightmares were made of.

His cold, grey eyes were lifeless. Sharp and calculating even from a distance, yet utterly devoid of any emotion. Any humanity. A long, jagged scar ran across the top of his skull all the way to his left eyebrow. How had he even survived something that looked so heinous? His pale skin was sallow, waxy with age. If the scar wasn't enough, his right cheek was horribly disfigured. Sunken in, riddled with scar tissue. It almost appeared as though the flesh of his cheek had been cut off. The thought made you nauseous enough to quickly switch to another picture.

"Yeah," Finn muttered, having seen your expression, "trust me when I tell you he probably didn't get those tripping on his way to church." As you turned to the next picture, you felt your eyes widen on their own accord as he continued on. You'd known it was a possibility but you didn't want to believe it. "My friend, Rose, she keeps a close eye on Snoke. Waiting for him to slip up. He's been untouchable for decades. Nothing sticks to him, or his inner circle. The low level guys always end up taking the fall, or something else gets in the way. Dirty cop. Missing evidence. Tainted jury. You name it. So, long story short where the pictures you're looking at are concerned, when I was looking for your boy I reached out to Rose to see if she could help. Low and behold she recognized Ben immediately, he's been working for Snoke for months now and seems pretty high in favor. But she didn't understand why I was calling him that name. From what she knew, he goes by -"

"Kylo Ren." You finished for him, setting the photos down in front of you. There were a half dozen at least that showed Ben with Snoke in various locations; outside the club you'd gone to, climbing into a black SUV somewhere downtown, by the waterfront in the warehouse district. This wasn't a coincidence or a case of mistaken identity. Finn had been right about you not liking the news. Glancing down again at the photo of Ben and Snoke outside the club you wondered out loud, "Has he been working for Snoke the whole time he was missing?"

A somber nod met your question. Finn looked nearly as uncomfortable as you felt, "More than likely. Rose thinks he took a job at one of the warehouses and moved up quickly. There was a deal that went south on the docks a couple of months ago, sixteen guys dead. All evidence pointed to it being a single person that pulled the trigger. Right after that she started seeing him with Snoke and Hux all the time."

You thought it safe to assume 'Hux' was the ginger-haired man who'd appeared in a few of the pictures. Nearly as pale as Snoke but decades younger. Sour looking. "Who's Hux? What's his role in all this?"

"Armitage Hux."

 _Oh shit_.

Finn hadn't been the one to speak. Across the table his jaw slackened, eyes widening slightly as his gaze locked on something behind you. Or rather, someone. You didn't have to ask; you'd know Ben's voice anywhere.

You flinched when his large hands found your shoulders, squeezing _almost_ hard enough to hurt. Swallowing hard against the lump in your throat, his head appeared next to yours as he bent down to your height. His kiss against your cheek was nothing like Ben's. It was possessive. Threatening. You could feel his gaze swivel to the pictures in front of you and then to Finn, narrowing into something much more sinister, "Has my curious little wife had you following me?"

It took Finn a moment to compose himself, but when he did he was solid. You felt a surge of pride at his refusal to show fear, "If she had it wouldn't be any of your business." He nodded towards Kylo's hands still resting on your tensed shoulders, "Take your hands off her. **Now**."

It should have been you to ask. Better yet, demand to be released. But just like the night before it was as if your body was incapable of remembering this wasn't Ben.

To your immense surprise, after only a few moments, he did exactly that. Instead he reached for the chair next to you, pulling it out and taking a seat so close his arm brushed against yours. Despite the compliance you could feel the anger rolling off him in waves, only adding to an already aggravated situation.

"Coming between a man and his wife...isn't that the opposite of your purpose?" Ben...Kylo questioned silkily, somehow managing to the murderous glint in his eyes in soft spoken innuendos. "Then again, maybe it's _exactly_ what you collect a measly paycheck for."

But rather than let Finn fight him alone, you shot him an irritable look, scoffing at his latest casual use of your marriage, "Cut the bullshit. What do you want?"

You expected him to flare up at your bluntness. His temper was no secret. But unlike when Finn challenged him, he didn't look angry. When those hauntingly familiar Amber irises found their way to yours, they were full of amusement. Hunger. Maybe a touch of curiosity. As if he wanted to know how far he could **push** you. "Me? Only trying to help."

The false innocence in his tone was enough to make you roll your eyes. Finn did it for you. "You want to help? Why don't you start by telling us what you've been doing with those two?" Reaching across the table Finn jabbed the pictures with his index finger. You turned slightly, under the guise of creating more distance between you, but you wanted to see how he reacted.

Of course you should have known that working for a man who was notorious for stone walling the cops would have taught him something. And to be fair, Ben had known how to keep a secret when he wanted to. He didn't give anything away. That same blandly innocent look remained in place, though he focused only on you, refusing to acknowledge Finn's presence even though he was the one who'd asked the question to begin with. "They're business associates. We have a joint venture, we meet from time to time to compare notes. Discuss strategy. Though I suppose at our next meeting we'll be deciding what to do about a little _rat_ problem."

"You do business with criminals now?" you hissed in response, gaze automatically shifting around you. Thankfully the patio was largely empty with the nearest patrons at least a few dozen feet away. Nonetheless, you still lowered your voice. If you reflected back on the conversation you'd like to say it was for other people's protection. But it wasn't. It was for _his_. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Unlike you, Ben was unconcerned. Relaxed. He leaned back against the wrought iron frame of his chair as if the world needed a visual of his confidence. "Criminals? Hux is a CFO of a pharmaceutical company. Snoke did his time decades ago, devoted his life to charity when he got out. Hardly what I'd call 'criminals'." That excuse slid so effortlessly rehearsed from his tongue you wondered when his Oscar nominee would come through.

What really baffled you was how this transformation had taken place in the span of less than a year. Ben's only knowledge of the mob came from he learned from The Godfather. He could handle himself in a bar fight, but he had no defensive training whatsoever. How was it that an average citizen had somehow managed to become a mob boss's right hand? It would almost be funny if it weren't so terrifying to think of the risk Ben had put his life in.

"Bullshit." Finn answered for you, openly glaring at Ben now. Making no effort to hide his distaste. You wondered if this wasn't part of why Finn had become a PI instead of a cop; so he didn't have to censor himself.

But Ben didn't rise to the bait. In fact, he refused to even turn his head far enough to make eye contact. Gaze still hyper focused on you, he raised a dismissive hand, waving his fingers twice in the direction of the parking lot, "Leave us."

 _Leave us_?

Finn was out of his chair in an instant, fists clenched at his sides. Fury burned in his dark eyes, heedless of the few heads that had turned in his direction. "You think I'd leave her alone with _you_? I may not know you, but I know the guy you bend over and take it up the ass for, and if you think for one se-"

"Finn, it's fine. You can go." It surprised even you how calm you sounded. You knew it was a risk being alone with him, especially after last night, but you were certain you would get a lot more out of him if Finn weren't there. If he wasn't distracted with the proverbial pissing contest maybe he might feel more inclined to answer questions.

You were the one to break eye contact with Ben, turning towards Finn with what you hoped was enough confidence to convince him to do this for you. "I'll be fine. I can call if anything comes up." Not likely, but it did seem to make him relax a little. Even if you were pushing him away, it still touched you that he cared about your safety. Finding Ben wasn't just about a paycheck for him.

"Yes, _Finn_ ," You froze when his hand found its way to the back of your chair, moving up slowly to toy with your hair, twisting a lock around his finger, "she'll be fine."

Memories of Ben - _your_ Ben - crashed into you so hard it stole the breath from your lungs. That afternoon on the couch rushing back, one of the last happy memories you had before the accident. It was like a dagger to your heart to think the man sitting next to you not only didn't share that memory, but had no idea of the significance of a simple touch. Completely oblivious to the freight train of emotions he'd unleashed.

But.

Tucking away the agony that wanted to consume you for a safer occasion, you focused on the one positive you could see. When he reached for you it had been natural. Done without second thought. Maybe he used it as a means of taunting Finn or unsettling you, but there was a stark familiarity in the way his index finger twisted around your hair. Muscle memory? An unconscious memory? You had to hope. You refused to believe it was meaningless.

Sitting up a little straighter and keeping the overwhelming amount of both grief and hope from your expression, you tilted your head to the side, freeing you from Ben's hand before nodding again at Finn, "It's okay."

Though he was clearly conflicted, he eventually gave a stiff nod, collecting his things and shoving them in his messenger bag with somewhat angry movements. After slinging over his shoulder he gave you a meaningful look, "He does anything to make you uncomfortable and I'll be right back." He waited until you nodded your understanding before shooting an icy glare at Ben, "Keep your paws to yourself."

With that he was gone, striding across the patio and towards the parking lot. Either not seeing or caring about the stares that followed him. To anyone sitting at nearby tables you knew what that little exchange looked like. You imagined it was exactly as Ben intended; he sitting quietly, relaxed across the table from Finn who was two steps away from losing his shit. You wondered if he'd done it to amuse himself, or he strategized everywhere he went.

"You wanted to be alone with me." It wasn't a question, exactly, but his tone was dubious. On the verge of suspicious. After his threats in the club maybe he expected you to run and never look back. For all you knew, that was exactly why he said those things. Not because he actually intended on pursuing you, but he was once again doing everything he could to push you away.

Before he could touch you again - you needed to remain coherent - you turned even further to the side, angling yourself to face him head on. Just the sight of him alone was still enough to make you go weak in the knees, but you refused to let him turn you into a puddle again. "You're the one who told Finn to leave." you reminded him.

"I didn't want him here. He was interrupting." A shrug, as if that was a perfectly reasonable response. As if dismissing people from their own lunch appointments was a regular occurrence. Maybe it was in the mob world. "He told me not to touch you." Ben added, anger flashing in his eyes, a pinch forming between his brows. You would have given anything to know what was going on inside his head.

"He was right, you shouldn't have." Your equilibrium certainly wouldn't have complained about a little extra personal space...

He rose one perfectly arched dark brow. Under any other circumstances you might have laughed. You knew that look so well. A trademark expression for when his bullshit detector went on high alert. Or whenever Trudgen was drunk enough to take the stage for karaoke. Considering the lack of booze, Trudgen, or a stage, you felt it safe to assume it was the former.

Now it was his turn to shift, turning towards you. Testing you. "You don't want me to touch you?" He didn't believe that any more than you did. Thanks to the fact that you'd all but melted in his arms the night before, not even able to resist for more than a few minutes, you couldn't exactly blame him for his disbelief.

When you shook your head, not trusting your voice, a short, breathy chuckle escaped his lips. He glanced down, studying the lack of space between you, before looking up again through his lashes. His tongue traced over lips as he slowly...so tortuously slowly, slid his hand forward first to your knee and then sliding higher towards your thigh, challenging you. Daring you to deny what you both knew. "I think you're lying to me _again_ , little wife." his hand continued its path first along the top of your thigh, then moving down, stopping at the hem of the skirt you kicked yourself for wearing. He brushed just the tips of his fingers under the thin fabric, moving towards your inner thigh, close enough to sense the liquid _heat_ he inspired within you, "Have you already forgotten last night? I told you; I know you'll fight. You're stubborn, and you're loyal to your Ben. I'd be disappointed if you did anything else. But the thing is," you couldn't prevent your startled gasp as his hands suddenly appeared at your hips, gripping mercilessly tight and yanking you towards him. You ended up straddling him, hands on his shoulders to keep balance. Once again you found yourself looking around, convinced the world must have seen your every move. Known every **sinful** thought raging through your head. But he gripped your chin, turning your head back to meet his gaze, wicked amusement and unabashed lust gleaming in his eyes, "Patience is one of many virtues I find nauseatingly useless. And while I can tolerate you need time to accept what's happening here, don't ever tell me I can't touch what's _mine_ again."

Before you could respond, before you could so much as string together a legible thought, his hand was locking around the back of your neck, his lips urgently crashing into yours. The pure possessiveness thinly veiling the simmering rage you could feel just beneath the surface were anything but familiar; you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Yet you didn't push him away. You should have. You shouldn't have let him lay claim to you knowing that kiss had nothing to do with you and everything to do with his pride, but it was still _Ben_. **He** was still Ben. And every time you saw 'Kylo' the wound Ben's absence left in you tore open all over again. Leaving you gasping, raw with agony.

You knew in that moment you really would do anything to get him back; no matter how far over into the dark side you had to cross to do it.

When he finally released you, when his lips and tongue finally sated from their need to _devour_ you, you were both breathless. Oblivious to the scandalized group of elderly ladies sitting on the other end of the patio. He leaned his forehead against yours, radiating triumph. If only he knew your surrender had everything to do with fighting to erase Kylo Ren. "See how good it can be?"

You had no answer he would enjoy. The truth was that you knew exactly how good it could be. Thanks to Ben. You felt a surge of relief he didn't wait for your confirmation. "I have business to attend to," he announced abruptly, shifting gears so quickly it took you a moment to catch up.

When you felt his hands shift back to your hips, trying to disentangle you from his lap you stopped him. Your hands landed on his wrists, demanding his attention. He paused, looking both intrigued and annoyed. Probably assuming you were going to continue questioning him or deny you didn't savor every second of that kiss, "Take me with you."

If your goal had simply been to surprise him, mission accomplished. Both brows shot up as if waiting for the punchline, but it never came. You weren't toying with him; this was the start to finding the cracks in his armor and bringing Ben back. It wasn't exactly fool proof, but what other choice did you have? The doctors had long since given up, and even with Finn's research and Rose's detective work it wouldn't be enough.

"You want to come with me? Not having any idea where I'm going or what I'm doing?" he clarified, still wearing that stupefied and somewhat disbelieving expression. Still, he made no further attempt to leave. That had to count for something.

Releasing his wrists you let your hands trail up his chest, trying not to smile at the perfect opportunity he presented to repeat his words from the night before, "You're going to complain that I want some privacy with you?"

Something distinctly _unholy_ glittered in his eyes before he chuckled, hands squeezing your hips a littler tighter than necessary, "No. I'm not. Let's go."

He helped you off his lap and back to your feet before rising himself, taking your hand and tugging you along as if worried you'd change your mind. Struggling to keep up with his long stride you followed him across the patio, shifting your bag on to your shoulder as he lead you towards a waiting black SUV by the curb.

"Young people today. No better than the apes." You heard one of the elderly women behind you sniff, unable to keep yourself from giggling. Despite the situation, there was something tragically funny about scarring a bunch of little old ladies for life with your sex drive.

Ben...Kylo opened the back passenger's side door for you when you reached the car. After climbing in you looked back just in time to see him mirroring your smirk. "She has no idea."

***************

Admittedly, you lost some confidence once the door shut. It was reckless, getting in a car with him when, as he'd pointed out, you had no idea what he was doing. You sent a text to Finn just to be safe - and Kylo raised no objection to you being on your phone - but you didn't get a response. He'd probably moved on to his next crisis of the day.

Kylo made no effort to explain where you were going. There were a multitude of stops made, but at each one he would either send his driver or tell you to stay put while he went instead. There didn't seem to be anything sinister about the locations - two banks, an insurance firm, a restaurant, a butcher shop - but you weren't naively enough to believe he was just out running his weekly errands.

Between the second and third stop you'd been idly watching the city flash by the tinted window - bulletproof? - you turned when you felt him grab your hand. Lifting it from your lap he brought it closer to him. It took you only a moment to realize why. He was studying your engagement and wedding rings.

You waited to speak, clinging to the hope that they might trigger a memory for him. "You always wear these?"

"I haven't taken them off since Ben gave them to me." It was almost easier to refer to Ben as a separate person. Perhaps for both of you. You needed to distinguish between them for your own sanity, and he seemed to be less defensive when you didn't refer to Kylo as being Ben. "They were his grandmother's. She left them to him in her will, told him not to be as big of an idiot as his grandfather when he found the right girl."

Still no recognition registered in his expression and you fought to keep the disappointment from showing in yours. It shouldn't have surprised you, or hurt as badly as it did, you'd already been through all this before right after the accident. You'd showed him dozens and dozens of pictures and videos of your life together, his life growing up, but nothing resonated. At first he would just simply shake his head when you would bring yet another box in, but his refusal quickly grew to anger. Your last attempt to job his memory had ended with him launching the entire box - pictures and memorabilia included - across the room, cracking the sliding glass door of his room. He'd told you to drop it and get out before turning his fury on the hospital staff who'd come to inspect the damage.

He nodded, making no further comment, but he kept your hand firmly clasped in his own until you reached the next stop.

****************

Before you knew it hours had passed. The sun had long since set, casting you both in shadows in the already darkened car. He'd given you some information along the way about his life now, but he was careful to leave out any details that might implicate him. When you were brave enough to further push him he would either respond with vague comments about how you didn't need to know, or he would entirely change the subject and ask something about you.

It was strange to say the least, telling your husband about yourself. But rather than get caught up in the details or the sting of his continued lack of recognition, you forced yourself to remain in the mindset this was not Ben. This was Kylo. Kylo didn't know that you'd broken your wrist senior year of high school climbing the fifteen foot statue in the quad on a dare, that you thought cilantro tasted like rotting garbage, or that you'd gotten into burlesque because your best friend's mom had told her she was a 'raging whore' for doing it, so you signed up for classes and told her the only thing better than one whore was two.

Your stories seemed to amuse him. Maybe get him to drop his guard a little. He opened up more to you than you would have thought, but you realized after a while that he could only reciprocate with facts because he didn't have memories like that to share. And these days his life wasn't exactly compatible with domesticity.

In some ways it was like an alternate reality version of your first date with Ben...only that date hadn't ended in a sketchy looking warehouse.

You felt your brows pull together as the SUV slowed to a crawl outside a warehouse, the driver switching off the headlights. You hadn't known the direction you were going for quite some time, but that had been the case all day. Now you wished you'd been paying more attention. Two men pulled open a sliding metal door outside to allow the SUV inside. They pulled it shut once you were safely inside.

The dashboard was the only light now. Once the car was in park the driver quickly and quietly climbed out, shutting the door behind him. An ominous feeling settled over you; you didn't like where this was going. You turned back to Kylo, making no effort to keep the suspicion from your tone, "What's going on?"

Kylo, unlike you, looked completely at ease. Almost _too_ calm. "Give me your wrist, sweetheart."

Confused at the odd request, you simply stared for a moment, waiting for some further explanation. None came. He just continued to study you, waiting expectantly. What the hell was going on? "Why do you need m-"

His reaching into his back pocket answered your question, the words drying up on your tongue when you realized what was in his hand; handcuffs. The metal gleamed in the low light, only adding to the pit forming in your stomach, "Your wrist." When you didn't immediately acquiesce to his demand he sighed quietly, expression turning darker by the moment, "If you make me force you I won't be gentle." he warned.

Your options, what few of them there were, weren't good. Running was a guaranteed fail. You didn't even know if you'd be able to get the door open. You could fight, but to what end? What were you going to do in the back of a car? Beat him with your shoe? Not to mention, the whole point of coming with him had been to try and work your way past some of his defenses. Fighting him would only reinforce his need to keep you at arms length.

With a tremendous amount of reluctance and foreboding, you held out your left wrist to him, turning your head away at his satisfied expression. If you had to stomach his smugness you might decide to take your chances and deck him in his stupid, perfect jaw. Consequences be damned. You flinched as he snapped the cuff around your wrist, sliding across the seat, closer to you. Pulling your hand towards the door he threaded the other cuff through the car hold on the side of the door, snapping around your other wrist, effectively tethering you to the door. You instinctively jerked your head away from the kiss he planted on your forehead, "There's something I need to show you."

Sliding back to his side he opened the door and climbed out. Just before he shutting the door, he gave you a stern look that blended oddly with the dark excitement in his eyes, "Behave."

The door closing abruptly cut off your **extremely** unladylike reply. What exactly did he think you were going to do locked up in a car? Thanks to the short chain on the cuffs your range of movement was pathetically limited. Your fingers could just barely reach and pull on the door handle, but as you'd suspected it was locked. Sighing, you resigned yourself to wait for whatever it was Kylo wanted to 'show you'.

You didn't have to wait long.

Outside the car overhead lights suddenly clicked on, illuminating the expansive space. From what you could tell it was mostly empty, save for a few crates stacked on palettes in the far corner and a few other parked SUVs near you. You realized quickly that there were several other people there aside from just Kylo and his driver. You counted at least a dozen men, all dressed in dark colors. They'd been gathered in a loose semi circle only a handful of feet away from your door. As a few of them moved to one side or the other you understood why.

There were two men strung up, their bound wrists pulled over their heads, feet barely touching the floor. The ropes had been thrown over support beams and tied off, no doubt the main supporting them since neither looked entirely conscious.

Both of them bore signs of having been severely beaten. Their torn open shirts exposed huge patches of bruising and swelling across their chests. A few cuts - you couldn't tell how deep - had been carved up their arms and across their torsos. Both of their faces were distorted and swollen. Split lips and black eyes, blood smeared across their lips and trailing down their chins.

The man on the right was a perfect stranger. Even without the injuries you were sure you'd never met him.

But the second man was Finn.

Kylo began speaking outside the car, you wondered how you could hear him so clearly for only a moment before you realized the front passengers side window was cracked. A wave of nausea rolled over you when you realized this was what had him looking so exhilarated a few moments ago.

"Gentlemen. So _nice_ of you to join us. We just figured since you spend so much time following us, you might like some one on one time." The bravado only excited the crowd around him; the bloodthirsty palatable in the room. They were enjoying this.

Even knowing it was a useless effort, your hands as if acting on their own accord tugged against the restraints preventing you from moving. Trying to intervene. Finn shouldn't be here. This was your fault. You're the one who hired him, why should he be punished for taking a job?

"Fuck you..." Finn rasped out, rousing enough to shoot a disgusted look in Kylo's direction. Even as he moved closer, Finn's gaze never dropped, even though he was completely defenseless in the face of a man hungry for violence. "Why don't you just grow a pair and admit it? You're scared."

If that alone wouldn't have earned Kylo's retaliation, the bloodstained saliva Finn spat on his cheek the second he was close enough sealed his fate.

With deliberate slowness, Kylo reached up and wiped his cheek, before that same hand shot out with reflexes you didn't know he possessed and delivered a sharp blow to Finn's throat. You screamed for him to stop as his fist struck Finn's kidney with the same force as he struggled to breathe.

You went entirely ignored - both your screams and bangs against the door when that failed - as Kylo and his men continued the savage beating. The sounds of flesh against flesh, the grunts of pure agony haunted you. How much could they take before one of those blows finally became fatal?

You didn't see Kylo pull a knife from his person, but you heard the guttural, gurgling scream from the other man as Kylo slipped the blade into his mouth, slicing clean through from the corner of his mouth, across his cheek, almost to his jaw before he stopped and held up a hand for the others to pause.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Kylo said silkily, glancing at a barely conscious Finn with undisguised mirth, "But fear has nothing to do with this. This is merely a message," somehow managing to grip a handful of Finn's short hair, Kylo jerked his head up, bringing his face mere inches from his, "stay the fuck out of things that don't concern you, or it won't just be **your** blood spilled next time." 

His free hand drew back to deliver another merciless strike the same time you screamed, "Stop!"

This time, Kylo did pause. But not out of mercy, but because horror dawned on Finn's bloodied features when he realized you were in the car. Thanks to the tinted windows he hadn't been able to see you, but with the unexpected quiet he could at least hear you. His gaze shifted back to Kylo through half-swollen lids, "You didn't...?"

"I did. I thought she deserved to know the truth," Kylo mused, somehow managing to perfectly pinpoint your gaze through the darkened glass. "I thought she should know you were using her. I'm sure you forgot to mention that while you were playing white knight. That you've been following me for weeks. Trying to help that little bitch detective bring down Snoke. You know," he jerked Finn's head back further, smirking at his grunt of pain. Bringing the bloodied knife to his throat he pressed just hard enough to begin to draw blood at his pulse point, "We've been wondering who the rat was helping her outside the law. I didn't put the pieces together until I saw those pictures of yours today. I should bring Snoke your head as a gift."

"What are you waiting for then? Do it!" Finn choked out, struggling to remain on his feet with the way Kylo held his head back. The others were vocal in their approval, urging Kylo to finish the job. 

But he didn't. Instead he abruptly released him, letting him dangle from the rope around his wrists. He handed off the knife to one of the others and nodded...you turned away as he unhesitatingly turned slit the throat of the other man. He'd already been unconscious, life slipped away quickly and quietly. 

"I will...someday." Kylo promised loftily, his smirk venomous, "But not today. You're still of some use. I can't wait to hear the story you come up with to explain your friend's sudden departure from the city," he nodded towards the dead man his guards were currently freeing from his bonds and dragging away towards one of the other SUVs, "I mean, I suppose you could tell the truth. But then you'd have so much explaining to do about what you and Rose have been up to. She'd lose her badge, you'd most likely end up in a cell. She in a shallow grave without the PDs protection. Wouldn't that be a shame? But, it's your choice." 

Kylo nodded to two of the other men standing around and they set to work freeing Finn. You saw Kylo mutter something to one of the other guards but you couldn't distinguish what he'd said. He turned when the rope gave way, sending Finn to the cement floor, landing hard on his knees. It was a wonder he was even still conscious. 

"And Finn?" Kylo added, taking a step closer, turning his back to you. He crouched down so they were at eye level. You could just barely make out his quiet threat, "Stay the fuck away from my wife, or I promise your and Rose's ends will be _spectacular_." 

Without bothering to wait for a response, he climbed back to his feet, leaving his men to deal with the clean up. His driver had already climbed back in the SUV, starting the engine and remaining diplomatically ignorant of your presence in the backseat. A beat later the backseat door opened and Kylo climbed in, nodding to his driver in the rearview mirror. The sliding metal door creaked open behind the car again, and within seconds the SUV was back on the abandoned road that led to the warehouse as if nothing had ever happened.

Whether or shock, fear, or just plain exhaustion (maybe some combination of the three) you could feel your body shaking as the reality of what you'd witnessed truly began to set in. Ben...Kylo had beaten one man half to death and ordered the execution of another. Either for your benefit, or at the very least careless that you'd witnessed it. 

That same overwhelming feeling of nausea swept over you as you watched him pull a rag from the door pocket and wipe his bloodied hands on it. His knuckles were swollen. Apparently even the would-be murderers didn't walk away without a scratch. 

When he finally turned to you some of the hardness in his expression melted, mixing with something that resembled pity. You were sure you looked a mess; tangled hair, tears drying on your cheeks. Your wrists were bruised from pulling on the cuffs. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that." You didn't believe that for a second. Nor, you doubted, did he. As he slid across the seat again you found yourself shrinking into the door, but you could only get so far in the confined space. His arm slid around you, holding you close to his side as his other hand captured your chin. Turning your head to meet his gaze, he traced his thumb over your bottom lip, "But you need to know what happens to people who betray me. To anyone working against the organization." 

You weren't sure you would ever have a response for that statement. What were supposed to say when someone gave a live demonstration of the consequences of pissing them off? "What happens to Finn now?" Maybe it was stupid to even mention his name, but you still felt guilty. Even if Kylo had been telling the truth and he was investigating Ben long before you'd ever called him, you knew his was Finn's protectiveness over you that sent Kylo over the edge. 

A rough squeeze to your jaw called your attention back to him. He pressed his lips to yours again, holding you still when you tried to pull away. The last thing you needed was more Kylo/Ben confusion. Continuing on with the potentially stupid streak, when he refused to release you, you bit down hard on his lower lip. He pulled back with a curse, the hand on your chin moving to fist in your hair, holding so tightly you couldn't move an inch in any direction. 

You tasted blood in your mouth. You watched his tongue trace over the small cut on his lip, wiping away the evidence of your assault. Fury and lust were evident in his eyes as he pulled your hair a little tighter, making you wince in discomfort. "If he ever comes near you again, I'll slit his throat while you watch," he promised in a tone so bone-chillingly nonchalant you felt your skin crawl. 

"And as for you my beautiful, defiant little wife," he went on, dipping his head down to place a trail of falsely tender kisses up your neck until he reached your ear, "The next time I have you in these cuffs, I assure you, I have much better plans for that rebellious mouth of yours." 

****************

**(** a/n **)**

Welp. There you have it. 

Am I including Ben memories at the beginning every chapter to tear your souls out? Am I a monster?

Yes. Yes I am. 

In the next chapter; Y/N steps up her efforts to get under Kylo's skin, we learn more about Snoke's operation and Kylo's role in it, and FERAL Kylo makes an appearance. 

*giggles* We're in danger.

Please comment, like, and vote, I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)


	3. Playing With Fire

**TWs;** dub-con, choking, spanking, degradation, sexual situations, smut, violence.  
 **(** a/n **)** ; fair warning, this is a VERY toxic Kylo chapter. 

** Before **

_You were seething. Furious. **Disgusted**. This was the kind of messed up shit that everyone hopes only happens in movies or really bad porn until it happens to them. _

_You'd been back at your dorm room for over an hour but you still couldn't force yourself to stop pacing in the confined space, feeling like a lion reduced to the prison of a cage. You weren't ordinarily a violent person, stubborn and passionate yes, but psychical violence usually yielded few results. But right now you wanted to put your fist through a wall. The only thing stopping you was that your walls were made from cinderblocks and your student health plan didn't cover broken bones._

_At least you were a practical hothead._

_A knock sounded at the door, pulling you temporarily from your rage fueled thoughts. You glanced at the clock, realizing you'd completely forgotten about your date with Ben. For a moment you contemplated making an excuse, maybe even pretending not to be there - he didn't deserve to have his night ruined and you dreaded having to tell him what happened - but his voice on the other side of the door changed your mind. "Open the door so I can kiss you already." Why did he have to sound so adorably excited?_

_Sighing, you crossed the room in the few steps it took to go from one side to the other. When you pulled the door open there he was, over a foot taller than you, grinning like a kid on Christmas when he caught sight of you. He held a bouquet in his hand; artificial stems that he appeared to have plucked the actual flowers off of and replaced with candy. The bouquet was wrapped together with a ribbon with a card tied to it that said 'Let's Netflix and Chill'._

_You weren't sure whether you wanted to scream or cry._

_Seeing your expression his quickly shifted, realizing something was wrong. "What happened?" He looked past you into the room, looking for the source of whatever had upset you. He came in when you pulled the door open, setting the bouquet down on your desk before turning back to you, "You look like you already made the hit list."_

_Shutting the door you huffed humorlessly, "There's only one name on it so it was pretty easy." Still touched by his gesture you nodded to his homemade creation on the desk, giving him a weak smile, "That was really sweet of you. No pun intended." It only made you angrier that your sleaze bag of a professor had chosen today to let his inner perv run free. You weren't within five hundred yards of the guy and he was **still** fucking with you. _

_But Ben just shook his head, dismissing the topic of his thoughtfulness. Worry shrouded his gaze, his eyebrows pulling together as he looked you over for evidence of harm, "Tell me what happened. Please. I'm kind of losing my mind here."_

_Just wait till I tell you happened, you thought dryly. "Before I tell you anything I want you to promise me you're not going to do anything." You weren't entirely sure yet what the best thing to do was, but you were going to handle it. You weren't going to be some damsel in distress crying to her boyfriend so he could riding in to the rescue. Not that Ben thought of you that way, but he was only human. When he saw people he cared about hurting his natural reaction wasn't to just sit back and wait._

_Ben's eyes narrowed, but not accusingly. You could see the wheels turning in his head as he thought over what you were asking. One of the many things you'd learned about him since you'd begun dating months before was that his word meant a lot to him. He didn't promise things he couldn't deliver or; or that he didn't agree with. "I won't do anything without discussing it with you first." he countered, putting the ball back in your court._

_Reasonable as always. Figuring that was the most you would get from him you nodded slowly, trying to keep the anger and humiliation from your tone as you began - that would surely only dump fuel on the fire -, "I had a meeting with my philosophy professor today to discuss my paper. Nothing serious, I'd just asked for his thoughts on my synopsis. His feedback was glowing, which I guess should have been a giveaway because the guy is an impossible to please prick. After he gave me his notes he said he could give me some 'private tutoring' to make sure I stayed on track."_

_Actually, what he'd said was 'to make sure you kept doing such a good job for him'. Aside from it being condescending and inappropriate, his tone made it clear he was coming on to you. And had his tone failed, the hand squeezing your arm hadn't. You could still feel the cool metal of his wedding band on your skin._

_You could see anger beginning to bleed into his expression. The pursing of his lips. His hands clenching into fists at his side. He didn't interrupt you, but it was clear he was already struggling with the promise he'd made not to react._

_"I told him that wouldn't be necessary, and instead of taking the hint he told me I could just skip the paper altogether after I met him at his apartment. When I didn't find his offer particularly tempting he shoved his tongue down my throat and had the audacity to be surprised when I kicked him in the balls." Maybe that was how you'd managed not to completely lose it up to this point. You hadn't just sat back and taken it, and even though the threats that came afterwards had admittedly intimidated you, you felt confident the asshole would never think about putting his slimy hands on you again. "But when I told him I was reporting him he pointed out that it would be his word against mine and he would do everything in his power to turn it around and get me expelled."_

_By the time you finished your own anger was at a boiling point once more. It just wasn't fair that he could do something like that and get away with it. Or worse, that he might not only get away with it, but you might end up expelled, too. What if the school took his side? That was why you hadn't already made the phone to the dean's office; the idea of being thrown out terrified you. You'd worked your ass off and you were less than a year away from graduating. If you were expelled for sexually harassing a professor you wouldn't get into another school. You'd be thousands of dollars in debt with no degree and no way to pay the money back. Much as it sickened you, you couldn't take that risk lightly. You needed a plan. Well, one aside from running him down in the parking lot with your SUV. Hence the pacing Ben had walked in on._

_He was quiet for much longer than you would have thought. So long you began to wonder if he's heard you. His gaze was glazed over, thoughts far away. When he did finally look back to you, he gave a single nod as if making up his mind, "Where is he?"_

_Even a few years later you would look back on that moment and wonder how far he would have gone if you'd answered him. There was something in that nod that told you lines didn't exist for him when it came to you._

_"Ben, no." you sighed, though you shifted slightly so you were blocking the door. Not that he would have had that much trouble getting around you, but you liked to think he wasn't planning on ploughing through you to get out. "Trust me, I want to do something, too. But I can't just go running in like Captain America. This isn't a movie, it's life, and pervy fucks like him know how to play the system."_

_"We can't just sit here, Y/N. He assaulted you. At the very least we should be at the police station filling out a report. You can have them send it the dean." You were at least glad to see him making a **legal** plan, but he was still missing the point; you needed an actual plan. _

_"It's not that simple!" you argued, feeling a - slightly - irrational twinge of irritation with him. Men seldom understood that it was never that simple for a woman to earn justice. Being completely right or without blame meant nothing unless you had proof. Even then it wasn't always enough, "If I go to the police or the dean it puts the wheels in motion immediately. They'll ask for his side, he'll lie, and then the university gets to decide what to do; fire a prominent employee and suffer a media scandal or get rid of one student who may or may not be telling the truth."_

_He opened his mouth to speak, a quick response already formed on his tongue, but he stayed silent. With visible effort he changed his mind, his lips snapping shut momentarily. Sucking in what sounded like a breath praying for patience, he tried again, "I get what you're saying, I know there's a risk. But this piece of scum **assaulted** you. He doesn't deserve any a second of thinking he got away with it, and you don't deserve a moment of keeping secrets for him because of what he might do in retaliation." _

_"I don't care if he gets a few days of thinking he won so long as the end result is making sure he doesn't even touch anyone without their consent again." You insisted, less retrained than him. Though you felt decently justified in that; you were the one who'd been treated like dirt. Sighing again, you reached down and took his hands, feeling his fingers automatically intertwine with yours, "I need you to trust me on this. Please. I can't deal with him and fight you at the same time."_

_Truth was, you were still questioning your ability to handle the former. How were you going to produce evidence that didn't tangibly exist?_

_You suspected there was still a part of him that wanted to keep arguing with you, but that was one of the many other things you'd come to love about Ben Solo; he usually knew when to stand down. He looked down at you, frustrated and admiring all at once, "Are you always this stubborn, or do you just save it for me?" Not waiting for a response his arms were around you in the blink of an eye. You felt his deep breath as his hand gently stroked your back. Later he would tell you that it was **he** who needed to hold you rather than the other way around, but you knew he was also giving you that human moment you didn't want to admit you craved without forcing you to admit it; to just be vulnerable for a second and feel protected. _

_He pulled back just enough for his hands to cup your cheeks, tilting your head up just enough to meet his gaze, "I always trust you. Whatever you need, I'm there. However you want to do this, I'm by your side." Gratitude swelled within you; you knew it wasn't easy for him to stand down. Not because he thought you couldn't handle the fight, but because you knew he meant it when he said he had your back. You nodded before burrowing back against his chest, wrapping your arms around him to hold him close. To feel the beat of his heart against his cheek and comfort yourself with knowing this was a man who not only would stand by your side but would never make you feel less for allowing him to be there._

_"Let's get this motherfucker."_

** After **

You stifled a yawn before taking another sip of your coffee; you hadn't slept more than an hour the night before and it was more than catching up with you. You'd dug the largest pair of sunglasses out of your closet that you could find, regarding the sun's bright light as your natural enemy. It wasn't even 9:00 a.m. yet. It was like nature itself was determined to punish you. As if you hadn't had enough of that the night before. 

There were a few faint bruises on your jaw from his grip, and some not-so-faint ones around your wrists, your constant reminder of your in-depth view of Kylo Ren. It's not that you doubted the information that Poe had shared with you, but ruthlessness was not something you read about; it only took on meaning when it was witnessed. Experienced. 

It did solidify at least one thing for you; you would never confuse Ben with Kylo again. 

Kylo Ren wasn't just dangerous or pushy or violent; he was every bit the definition of a villian. Someone who took pleasure in beating one man half to death and killing another because they made him angry. Someone who relished in making you _watch_. The false apologies of forcing you to watch his little show under the guise of making you aware of the realities of his life were nothing more than an excuse to hide behind. The truth was that Finn pissed him off, _you_ pissed him off, and he wanted to show you how sorry you should both be. 

The ride back to the café where you'd left your car that afternoon was a long and silent one. Kylo didn't speak another word, he spent the trip typing away on his phone and barking instructions to his driver for later. He didn't release you from the cuffs tethering you to the door until the SUV came to a stop next to your car. You'd immediately reached for the handle, desperate to put some distance between you, but he'd stopped you. He tucked the cuffs back in his pocket as casually as if they'd been his wallet before fixing you with a dark look, "Finn's well being is dependent on his own cooperation, but also on yours. You tell no one what happened tonight. If anyone asks we spent the day together, keep the details vague." 

You had no idea who would be asking for the details of your evening, but you nodded anyway, not wanting to further rock the boat for Finn's sake. You knew Kylo didn't need any more incentive to kill him. Trying again to open the door you gritted your teeth when you realized he was still holding it closed. "No kiss goodnight?" he taunted, feinting innocence. If he'd tried to insist you would have gladly hit him, but when you reached for the door again he let you go. 

After scrambling out of the car you heard him chuckle before he shut the door. The SUV was gone within seconds, leaving you alone in the deserted parking lot, wondering how the fuck the day had gone from normal to nightmarish. 

When you got home you'd paced for hours, unsure of what to do. You were terrified for Finn and desperate to check on him, but you didn't even know where he was. Or who was watching him. If Kylo's guards had his phone they would see you trying to contact him. Would that be enough to violate the terms of his threat? You tried calling a few local hospitals to see if he'd been admitted, but he either wasn't there, or they couldn't give you the information without being family. 

Your break came around two in the morning in the form of a call from an unlisted number. 

"Y/N, my name is Rose Harper. I'm a detective, Finn probably mentioned me. Look, we can't speak in an official capacity. Kylo is watching both of us, but I wanted to let you know Finn's alive. Not doing so hot at the moment but he'll recover. Don't try to contact him, his phone is missing. He promised to get in touch in a few days. Listen, we need to meet. Discuss a few things. Tomorrow morning, around 9:00. We're going to have to be careful about this, so here's what you'll need to do..."

She'd spoken for another few moments, giving you instructions on what to do when you got to the mall before hanging up without waiting for any kind of response. 

Really, what choice did you have but to show up?

Aside from Finn, Rose was the only person you could get answers from. And if anything Kylo had said the night before was true, she knew a great deal more than Finn had been willing to share with you. You weren't sure how much you could trust her, but you weren't in any position to turn down anything that could help you reach Ben. 

Following Rose's specific, if not somewhat odd directions, you arrived at the mall about fifteen minutes before you were supposed to meet her. Since it was the weekend there was a small crowd even at the early hour, which made you feel a little better. Not quite so exposed. Rose seemed to think you were being watched, and you'd been given enough clues to make you think she was probably right about that. 

She'd told you to act as naturally as possible, not to draw any attention. Though you felt like you were undergoing some sort of spy mission, you did your best to keep your pace relaxed and your expression neutral as you made your way towards _Sinful_ \- the lingerie store Rose instructed you to go to. She hadn't explained why, but you assumed she had a reason. The place was an average sized store in the middle of the mall, there didn't seem much significant about it to you. 

Once inside she'd told you to pretend to shop around for a few minutes and pick a few things to take to the dressing rooms. That was the last of her instructions before hanging up, so once you'd grabbed a few sets off the racks and asked the cashier for a dressing room you reassigned yourself to wait. 

And wait you did. Five, ten, and then fifteen minutes passed and still no sign of anything. You weren't sure what exactly you were waiting for, but you began to question if something had gone wrong. Or maybe Rose had changed her mind about meeting you. You imagined if she'd seen the damage Kylo inflicted that was a real possibility. 

Out of sheer boredom and an effort to calm your anxiety you decided to try on what you'd brought to the fitting room. What else were you supposed to do with the time? 

The first two sets were a little too frilly for your taste, you'd picked them up without hardly glancing at them. The third was more risque than what you usually went for, but you had to admit you didn't hate the way it looked. The bra and panty set was all black lace, hugging your body so closely it almost appeared painted on your skin. The thong cut, while not something you'd worn since before the accident, was sexy, creating an inviting curve that-

"Mary, Joseph, and Jesus!" 

Startled, you turned to find a young woman having slipped into your fitting room behind you. She was staring very pointedly at the floor, her hand covering her eyes. You could see the blush in her light almond colored skin. You assumed this was Rose given her ill-announced entrance. 

Significantly less embarrassed than she was - _you_ weren't the one who couldn't knock - you picked up your discarded dress from the hook on the wall and slid it back on before crossing your arms, "It's a fitting room, what did you expect? Chess?" It was very possible the lack of sleep left you a little less than sympathetic. 

"I told you to go into a dressing room not get naked in one." She defended, still flushed when she finally looked up. Now that you had more clothing she seemed to regain some confidence, clearing her throat quietly. "Look I know this is less than ideal but it's private and men can't come in the store by themselves without drawing attention, so Kylo's flying monkeys can only get so close." 

So that was why she chose a lingerie store. You nodded, chewing your lower lip for a moment. You really didn't like the idea of being followed, but there was little to be done about it at the moment. If ever. If you confronted Kylo about it he would probably either lie to you or tell you to get used to it. 

"Fair enough. How's Finn?" you asked, more interested in knowing he was safe than hearing the rationale for hiding out in a dressing room to have a conversation. 

You didn't expect the look she gave you. Cold. Unfriendly. **Blame**. "You mean aside from the stab wounds, broken bones, and concussion? He's _great_. No thanks to your husband." She leaned against the wall, mirroring your stance with crossed arms. "The real kicker though? He was worried about _you_. He said Kylo made you watch the whole thing." 

"My husband is Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. I assumed you knew that, since you've apparently been building a case against a man suffering from a traumatic brain injury." Even you didn't anticipate the amount of venom that bled into your tone. You were no more pleased with Kylo's actions than she was, and you never would have wanted Finn to get hurt, but you weren't going to listen to a stranger - detective or not - turn this around on you, or drag Ben's name through the mud. "I wonder how many laws and protocols you've overlooked to help you get what you want?"

You also hadn't forgotten for all the time and effort Rose had supposedly put in to taking down Snoke she didn't seem to be worried about the ethical dilemma of exploiting _your husban_ d to help her do it. 

She flushed again at your question. Seems Kylo had been right about at least a few things. "You don't know the whole story. And you don't know Snoke. Someone has to bring him down. I would think you of all people would agree with that." She shook her head, making a visible effort to arrange her features into a less hostile expression, "I didn't ask you to meet so we could fight. You need to be careful. Aside from the fact that Kylo himself is dangerous, Snoke is worse. And they've got something big brewing. I don't know what, but trust me when I say you don't want to be around when it happens."

Irritated with her or not it was a sobering thought. Determined as you were to bring Ben back, you were in way over your head. Kylo might have some attachment to the idea of keeping you around, but you doubted his psychotic boss would feel the same. 

"How close are you to arresting Snoke?" you questioned, assuming that would be the ideal outcome for both of you. Rose would get her revenge, and if Snoke wasn't around then surely Kylo was safer? Maybe a little less determined to shut out his old life? 

The dejected look she gave you was far from encouraging, "It's not arresting him, it's making anything stick. We have to have something airtight for the DA to even issue a warrant this time. Apparently Snoke threatened to sue the city if he was brought in on unsubstantiated charges again." She shook her head again at first, but an odd glint lit in her eyes. She looked at you as if seeing you for the first time, "Finn said you're trying to get Ben back. So you're planning on being around Kylo. He might tell you something, or let something slip that would help. You are technically his wife...why keep secrets from you?" 

You thought back to the night before, Kylo telling you that he needed to show you what happened to people who betrayed him. If you managed to find something out and reported it to Rose, would you be the next one strung up in the warehouse? You didn't take his threats lightly, he'd already proven to you he was a man of his word. 

But...this could your way to Ben. Could you really pass that up out of fear? 

You might just live to regret it, but you found yourself asking the question anyway; "What would you need to make the case airtight?" 

"Recordings. Documents. Tangible evidence, no he said she said. But if you find anything that might have information, any weapons, records, don't take them. Leave them exactly where they are, don't touch them, and let me know. I can work on getting a search warrant from the judge when you find something. I don't know what Kylo keeps at his penthouse but I'd be willing to bet there's something at the club. He, Snoke, and Hux meet there all the time." She was excited now, talking a mile a minute, her resentment of you clearly wiped away with the potential for help with her case against Snoke. 

You, on the other hand, had reservations. Rose might not care what happened to Kylo, but you did. And this might be your only way to protect him from the law. "If I do this, it's about Snoke. Take him, Hux, anyone else you want to hell for all I care but leave Kylo out of this. Ben is still in there somewhere and I'm not doing anything that puts him at risk. Neither are you, or no deal." 

You rose a brow when it looked like she was about to argue, but you weren't going to budge an inch on this. The way you saw it, you were holding all the cards here. She'd been trying for years to bring Snoke down to little success, you doubted she was any closer without more help. At least that was the impression that both she and Finn had left you with. They may have had a lot of information, but what good did it do if the criminals they were working against never saw the inside of a courtroom? 

After a while she finally sighed, conceding defeat. "Fine. But I suggest you work a little faster on that plan of yours. Kylo's in deep. Like six feet down and still digging. If he keeps breaking laws and crossing lines there's only so much anyone can do to protect him." Glancing down at her watch she grimaced, "I need to go. I'll be in touch. Stay in here for another ten minutes or so, okay?" 

Again not waiting for a response she turned on her heel and slipped silently from your dressing room. Your heard the quiet tap of her tennis shoes against the carpet outside until it stopped abruptly, "Y/N?" another beat of silence before she murmured, sounding sheepish, "That lingerie looked pretty incredible on you." 

Surprised at the compliment and baffled as to why a detective stopped long enough to pay it to you, you turned to the side, lifting the skirt of your dress up to admire it again. You shrugged. 

"Thanks." 

*******************

_Meet me at the club tonight._

Only an hour or so after you'd left the mall your phone buzzed in your purse. At first you thought maybe it was Rose with some tidbit of information she'd forgotten, but instead it was a text from Kylo. More accurately, a text from Kylo using Ben's phone. Seeing his name flash on your screen had been a cruel stab to your heart; you hadn't even known Kylo had kept it after he left the hospital. You knew you should have disconnected the line, but selfishly you wanted access to his voicemail message. You wondered if Kylo had listened to all of the messages you'd left over the last several months, giving in on those especially rough days and just needing to talk to Ben again. Even if it was only in a voicemail he'd never receive. 

After the events of the night before you weren't eager to see him again, but considering your new alliance with Rose and her warning of a ticking time bomb you didn't feel like you had much choice. Not to mention you had no idea the consequences for refusing. 

Deciding to play the part this time instead of sticking out like a sore thumb in flats, you dressed up. You'd taken Rose's encouragement and bought the lingerie you tried on earlier. The thong was hidden beneath a sleeveless empire waist burgundy dress that had been hanging in the back of your closet for a while. The hem nearly reached the floor, but there was a slit in the front that came up mid-thigh. You paired the dress with a pair of black caged heels. 

After styling your hair into a braided up-do to show off the backless dress and applying your makeup you piled your few needed essentials into your little black clutch and headed to the club. 

******************

**(** Kylo **)**

"What have you found out about Cortez?" Snoke asked with narrowed eyes, looking between Kylo and Hux expectantly. 

"He has a prominent operation in South America, specifically Venezuela," Hux answered eagerly, unable to keep from sending Kylo a quick look of smugness before continuing on with his report, "He inherited his father's business several years ago, only instead of dealing only in drugs he branched out and began trafficking weapons, too. His presence in the states is recent. Shouldn't be difficult to snuff out if he can't be reasonable." 

Kylo struggled to rein in his irritation. What he wouldn't give for a day without that annoying, nasally voice buzzing in his ears. Hux had been even more of a pain in the ass than usual the last few weeks, sucking up so much to Snoke Hoover should have paid him for all of the free advertising. The little weasel had been threatened by Kylo's presence since Snoke welcomed him into the inner circle. 

Like a selfish toddler, he didn't want to share his toys. 

Taking a different approach Kylo leaned back in his chair, ignoring Hux entirely and meeting Snoke's piercing gaze across the desk, "To some extent that's true. Outdated information, though. Cortez's organization in South America is crumbling. Between the authorities and his rivals he was all but chased out. He intends to rebuild here. We won't have to worry about retaliation, but he's a desperate man with little to lose." 

"Mmm." Snoke hummed in acknowledgement, looking again between his two right hands. Many argued it was too many hands on the steering wheel, but Snoke valued the cutthroat dynamic between the two of them. They made each other work harder. For the time being it was an arrangement that heavily benefitted him. Come the day it didn't he would deal with it. "I want his movements tracked. Learn what you need to so we can wrap this up cleanly." 

"Sir." Hux again spoke first, nodding once. He made to rise from his chair, assuming they were adjourning, but Snoke signaled for him to wait. "Something else, sir?"

Kylo knew and dreaded the topic before Snoke even turned his sickly, false smile on him. He'd been expecting it. Especially after last night. There was no keeping it a secret for long. He just needed to find a way to dictate the narrative about her before it became a problem. 

"Yes, something else." Snoke confirmed silkily, bringing his hands up to press his fingertips together, "Let's talk about your lovely wife, Kylo." 

Though Kylo refused to turn to see Hux's expression, the kid-on-Christmas-energy emanating from only a few feet away was so thick in the air it could have been cut with knife. Or **stabbed** by one, preferably. 

"She's turned out to be useful in managing Detective Harper and her lackey of a PI." He remarked casually, as if he'd assumed it was obvious to everyone that was the cause of his sudden interest in her. Up until now she had been a non-issue. Another forgotten relic of the Ben Solo saga that had no place in their world. Or so he let everyone believe. There wasn't an uncomplicated way to explain that claiming her had always been part of his plan. 

He felt, rather than saw Hux shift beside him, on the edge of his seat, burning with anticipation, "And what if this 'asset' runs to the police to tell them what she knows? What she saw you do? Y/N has no experience dealing with our world, or with **you**. The average civilian doesn't typically take well to being abducted and forced to witness torture." 

One fist clenched at his side, knuckles turning white with the lack of blood flow. He pictured wrapping that hand around Hux's windpipe, crushing until he felt that satisfying _crack_. Someday. For the time being Snoke had made it clear they were off limits to one another. 

"Hux makes a fair point. And more than that, she is a tie to your past. Something which has no place in the present or future." Snoke added dangerously, his tone turning mirthless. 

Still feeling his rage simmering just below the boiling point, he gave a curt, stiff nod. Though he was loyal to Snoke and generally followed orders without question, there were times when made Kylo feel like a disobedient child who needed to be scolded. He was at least partially aware that the accident that claimed his memory left him with questionable impulse and anger control, but he liked to think it would have been issue without the head injury. 

"Perhaps. But she's under surveillance and she's aware more than one life is directly linked to her good behavior. As for the past, she's tied to Ben Solo. Not me. It makes her weak and easy to manage. To me she's just a convenient resource." Though only some of his words bore actual truth, he twisted his expression into a satisfied smirk, knowing Snoke would appreciate the further dismissal, "As you pointed out, she's also legally still my wife. Why not enjoy what she has to offer when she does it so willingly?" 

Hux's scoff mixed with Snoke's indulgent chuckle. There was still a hint of disbelief in his falcon-like eyes, but he seemed appeased for the time being. "Very well. But keep an eye on her. I won't have our plans going up in smoke because you want a plaything." 

The pair of them were dismissed upon a wave from Snoke's hand, his attention already back on his laptop screen before they'd even stood from their chairs on the opposite side of his desk. 

In the hallway outside Snoke's office, once the door was safely shut, Kylo's hand - so eager for its pound of flesh - was clenched around Hux's pale throat in a heartbeat. He slammed him against the opposite wall, ensuring their boss wouldn't be disturbed by the sound. Cutting off his air supply completely he leaned in, enjoying the gagging sounds of the other man's life slipping away a little too much, "If you ever even **think** her name again, I'll tear your spleen out and feed it to you." 

He dropped Hux in a heap on the floor, letting the sounds of his gasps for air sooth his temper as he stomped towards the exit. 

*****************

Summoning her to the club after the meeting may not have been his best idea, but he'd long since given up on doing the safe thing for the day. His skin was crawling, that fire burning within him that longed to destroy everything he could touch flaming in full force. It happened sometimes, and it was usually on nights like that he locked himself in his office or the pent house and drank until all he could feel was a blissful _nothing_ , but she was a far more entertaining alternative. It wasn't lost on him either that he needed to use the occasion to make sure she wasn't going to be a problem that Snoke would order dealt with.

******************

When she arrived he was stunned first that she'd so easily followed his orders. While still somewhat of a mystery to him she was clearly not what anyone would call particularly compliant. Even when she obeyed, there was a reluctance in her eyes that made him sure the day would come when her fear lessened and she would be so much more tempted to fight than flee. 

The thought should have made him weary; but he was waiting for that moment with baited breath. 

Unlike the last time she'd come wondering into his club, she didn't look like a doe caught in headlights. She came in with her chin already raised a fraction; ready for battle. Dressed to the nines. Drawing more attention than the two stark naked dancers on stage. The pulsing lights gleamed off the silky material of her dress, accentuating the way it contoured to her delectable form. 

Calling her his had never been more satisfying. His pretty little wife, all dressed up for him. 

When she spotted him by the bar, drink in hand, she hesitated for only a moment. A flash of indecision in those guarded eyes. Perhaps remembering the night before. He had trouble leaving the memories to settle too, but he suspected for very different reasons. He doubted she was thinking about how fucking insatiable it made him to see her delicate wrists in those cuffs. 

"Little wife," he purred when she was close enough to hear him over the thud of the music overhead. She came to a stop only inches away, the crowd and noise forcing her closer than she undoubtedly ordinarily would have come. She was close enough for him to smell the perfume on her skin; something distinctly feminine without being overly sweet. Intoxicating as the rest of her. Even down to those exquisite little toes peeping through her black heels. "You look stunning." 

If his praise was significant to her she gave no indication. He'd come to find she was most responsive when the things he did or said reminded her of her husband. An annoying fact he aimed to change as soon as possible. 

"Thanks. Got the impression I wasn't following the dress code last time." she remarked dryly. He thought he could make out a hint of a flush in her cheeks. Either at the compliment or the way he couldn't stop himself from looking at her. "Why did you ask me to come here?" 

Straight to the point. His lips quirked. Was she this impatient in all things? She was bound for disappointment of the _writhing_ variety if that were the case. 

"Not here. Let's go talk." he nodded his head towards the booth in the far right corner. While close to the stage it was the furthest from the speakers. Leaving his emptied glass on the bar, he gave one of the bartenders a nod, "Bring me another, and whatever the lady wants." Taking her wrist, he led her away from the bar towards the booth, grinning when she called a loud 'dirty martini' over her shoulder. 

The stares she'd been attracting instantaneously melted away the moment curious gazes found his hand attached to her wrist. Everyone who frequented the _Starkiller_ knew who he was, and none of them were stepping in line to earn his wrath by checking out the girl on his arm. It scarcely bothered him; there were plenty of other things for them to look at. 

Sliding into the booth he pulled her in next to him, enamored by the view. The dress she wore didn't allow for a bra, the material not quite thick enough to hide her hardening nipples. His fingers _twitched_ , longing to reach for those sensitive little buds, hear her mewl for his touch. But it would have to wait. Before he completely lost his train of thought, he had called her here for a reason, "Now that you've had some time to think, I thought we should talk. Set some ground rules." 

"Ground rules?" she repeated, the words rested on her plump, glossy lips like a foreign concept. Perhaps it was. Ben Solo didn't strike him as the kind of man who would have had the balls to set boundaries. Then again, considering his very different lifestyle, there probably wasn't a need to. The bartender made a speedy appearance to set their drinks down before melting away. He didn't miss she drained a third of her glass in a single sip. 

After taking a sip of his own drink he nodded, a hand going down to squeeze her knee when the show on stage temporarily caught her attention. She glanced back, alarmed, looking down at his grip on her bare knee. That slit in her dress was a fucking sin. An invitation for every carnal thought ravaging his mind. "Yes, pet. Rules. You already know what I need from you to ensure your friends stay safe, but you're going to stop digging into my business, too. You'll know what you need to from me. You do not discuss anything you see with anyone. And much as I enjoy your spirit, I expect your obedience." 

He knew, even as he spoke, he was laying it on thick. Calling to every bit of rebelliousness inside her. But his meeting with Snoke and Hux had left him on edge. Uneasy. He couldn't have her doing anything that would cause them to doubt him or his capabilities. It was too much of a risk for both of them. 

But he didn't tell her that, and he could see the defiance burning in her eyes. She **hated** being told what to do, and even he could admit he'd done a lot of that. He didn't comment when she drained the rest of her glass in an impressive few seconds before giving him a falsely innocent look, "Sounds to me like you should have invested in a blow up doll instead of a spouse." 

Ah, there was that sharp tongue she'd worked so hard to keep in check. Either she'd grown too comfortably much too quickly, or he'd already managed to push her buttons. Neither option did much for the temper he had barely any dominion over the majority of the day. 

"Does a wife not promise to obey her husband?" he countered. Though to her credit he wasn't entirely sure. He'd yet to attend a wedding, and he couldn't remember his own. She shoved his hand off her knee, preparing for her defense, but he cut her off with a roll of his eyes, "Are you always this stubborn, or do you just save it for me?" 

He expected her instant rebuttal, but the reaction was entirely different. Though clearly still agitated, she froze, tensing up. He got the distinct impression that once again he'd intentionally struck a nerve, but she didn't explain. 

Instead, she mumbled something about the ladies room before sliding gracefully out of the booth, weaving her way to the back of the house. He sighed as he watched her go; it was going to be a long fucking night. 

*****************

The change in music caught his attention. 

Their typical playlist was a mix dubstep and remixes. Most of it was like nails on a chalkboard for him, but the clientele enjoyed it and the girls requested so he let it go. And had his office sound proofed. 

But what played over the speaker was something different. Unfamiliar. It sounded vintage, more actual instruments than just noise blended together. His brows pulled together as he watched the stage, wondering if one of the girls had requested a different song. But instead of finding one of his well paid dancers, he found _her_. 

Strutting on to the stage as if she owned the place. The dress he'd admired only minutes before was gone, replaced by a tightly laced light pink corset inlaid with shimmering rhinestones, ruffled pink 'shorts' that barely covered her ass, and a feathered skirt he remembered seeing on one of the racks backstage. A pair of glimmering silver heels winked at him from her feet. 

She mouthed the words to the song, ironically, **infuriatingly** singing about being a 'good girl', reminding him he'd read in a report on her history that she'd danced in a Burlesque club for years. He could give her one thing; she was perfection. Graceful. Feminine. Daring. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. 

The problem was; neither could anyone _else_. 

Now unprotected by the claim of his touch and unrecognizable in costume, the crowd gathering to salivate grew by the second. By the time she was done they would probably need a _mop_. As she continued to prance around the stage shaking that gorgeous little ass, gyrating her hips, and giving the crowd an ample view of her spread legs he briefly contemplated unloading the chamber of his 9 mm. into the crowd. Or snapping her neck. 

Her act of open defiance wasn't just grating on his nerves, it would be a flaming red flag to Snoke and Hux that he was nowhere _near_ having things under control. 

The finale to her little show after twirling off the pole at the end of the stage was to land on her knees just in time to grab the tie of a passing bartender and draw him in for a kiss the crowd cheered for. When she released him he was blushing furiously but stupidly happy, stumbling away like he'd just won the lottery. She gave a teasing curtsey to her admirers before walking back down the stage, glancing his way just long enough to **smirk** before disappearing backstage. 

He was going to fucking _destroy_ her. 

****************

The moment she emerged from the ladies room she claimed to have gone to before, he was stalking towards her, not even breaking stride as he bent and tossed her over his shoulder, ignoring her squeal of surprise. He looped an arm around her thighs, keeping her from falling over his shoulder, or more likely, kicking him in the face as she struggled against his grip. His free hand slapped loudly across her ass at her demands to be put down. 

Storming down the hall he took her straight to his office. Unlocking the door with a wiggling hostage over his shoulder was far from an easy task, but the door eventually gave way. Inside he flipped on the dim lights, the room glowing red thanks to the LEDs bordering the ceiling and floors, before dumping her unceremoniously on the leather couch. 

He slammed the office door behind him before locking it again, tucking the key in his pocket. She watched him with wide eyes, the locked door and murderous glare clearly not boding well for her fate. 

Before he ended up doing something he'd regret, he forced his gaze away from her. Searching for something, anything else. The crystal vase one of the girls had chosen was the first thing he could reach. Gripping the rim, he hurled it across the room, watching it shatter against the opposite wall with grim satisfaction. An antique cigar box was the next casualty, the lid snapping off and clattering loudly against the wall before dropping uselessly to the floor. After overturning the coffee table with an enraged scream he rounded on her, towering over her from her position on the couch, "What the fuck was that?" he demanded, his head throbbing with the vicious anger flooding his veins. "I ask for one simple thing and you parade around my goddamn club like a slut? Begging for attention just to defy me?" 

Though fear clearly kept her from firing back the way she would have otherwise - no doubt shock from seeing another display of his violence, at this point he was willing to bet her spineless Ben had never raised an eyebrow, much less his voice, at her - , there was still fire burning in her gaze. Resentment. Rebellion. 

He was going to fix that. 

With remarkable effort, he managed to force himself to take a deep breath. She pulled her legs out of the way - still wearing those damned shoes - as he sat down on the opposite side of the couch. His jacket had been abandoned at the booth earlier, now he took great care on untying the tie from his neck. After unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt, his gaze shifted back to her, barely restrained fury evident in his tone, "Come here."

She swallowed - gulped - audibly. She remained perfectly still, huddled on the other side of the couch as if she wished it would swallow her whole. 

"You're going to lay across my lap. Now." Though he was sure she understood his intent at this point she still didn't move. If it was out of fear, she was justified, but it wouldn't change anything. "If I ask you again, _pet_ , I'm going to hurt you. And not in a way you'll enjoy. _Move_." He snarled. 

Finally deciding continuing to refuse would be more detrimental than anything else, she obliged. With shaking limbs she crawled - fucking **crawled** , was she trying to undo him? - across the couch to him. She lowered herself on to his lap, breasts pressed against one thigh, ass propped up on the other. She rested her head on her folded arms on the cushion next to him. 

The ridiculous pink shorts were quickly gone; ripped violently down her legs, giving him an ample view of her perfectly rounded globes. Obstructed only by a black lace thong. She jumped when he settled his palm on her right ass cheek, running his fingers over her soft, smooth skin. "Pretty," he murmured approvingly. "You're going to count every strike, and you're going to thank me. Is that understood?" 

He thought she nodded weakly, but she could do better than that. Drawing his hand back he delivered the first of many blows, admiring the way her supple flesh bounced back. Her repressed whimper. "I said, is that understood, _slut_?" 

"Yes," she whispered shakily, her entire body tense with anticipation. 

Rubbing the reddening spot he'd just assaulted, his tone was nearly as soft as hers, "Yes, what?" 

"Yes...sir." 

Ah, so she was capable of listening once in a while. How refreshing. Her reward came in the form of another slap, this one harder than the first. Her indrawn breath was anything but a deterrent. "Count. Or we can double what you've already earned. Is that what you want?" 

A minute shake of her head. "One. Thank you, sir." 

Fuck. 

She was a fast learner, he would award her that much. fifteen slaps to each cheek, a pause just long enough for her to pant the number. Thank him for the pain. Or for him to gently caress her, knowing it was only a matter of time before that tenderness was replaced by pain. Watching her skin turn from pink to red was a _sight_. He could hear the emotion in her voice, picture the tears on her cheeks, but he was far more interested in the wetness gathering against his thigh where her sex rested. That _dripping_ cunt that craved the pain as much as he wanted to inflict it. 

"...thirty...thank you, sir." she gasped out, the sting of the last slap still echoing in the air around them. Her shoulders shook delicately, with tears, exhaustion, or just simply overwhelmed he didn't know. Didn't really care. 

He bent, pressing his lips to her bare shoulder, sucking for just a moment on her sweet skin. The elegant up-do she'd weaved her hair into earlier was a tangled mess. He brushed it away from her ear, "Don't give up on me now, little pet. We're not done." 

Not by a long shot. 

"Put your hands behind your back. I have another promise to make good on." _Oh_. He **felt** her thighs clench. Clearly she hadn't forgotten the previous night in the car when he told her what he had planned for her mouth. But she didn't dread it as he thought she might then. She _wanted_ it. 

Her hands were unsteady as she settled her arms behind her; hands shaking slightly when he pulled the cuffs from his back pocket and clipped them tightly around her wrists, "You almost had me convinced you were a good girl. But it's an act, isn't it? You were in your element tonight, performing like a whore for my entire club to see. You want to be my dirty little slut? That can be arranged." 

In one lithe move he had her off his lap, pulling her to her feet with him. Her tear stained cheeks and mascara smudged eyes left him painfully hard, cock aching to be freed from his uncomfortably tight pants. Grabbing a fist full of her knotted hair, his eyes slid to the floor at his feet before returning to hers, "Get on your knees and beg for it." 

This time he wasn't met with arguments or hesitation. Not, he suspected, because she'd suddenly decided to comply without complaint, but because _this_ wasn't punishment. 

She sank gracefully to her knees, thighs resting perfectly on her calves. Shoulders back, thanks to the cuffs binding her wrists. Pretty breasts on display in that sparkling corset. In the low, red light she gazed up at him through midnight black painted lashes, tongue tracing over her plump lips as he undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, letting them fall to the floor before pulling his boxers down, freeing his stiff shaft. "Please let me s-"

It was his own impatience that deprived him of her begging. He was too absorbed in how fucking perfect she looked before him. His cock, curling towards his navel with need for her was in her mouth in an instant, cutting her off, making her choke as she struggled to adjust to his length. He kept his hand fisted in her hair, drawing her closer still to his groin, groaning at that perfect little tongue lapping at him as if she were the pet he'd accused her of being. 

His thrusts into her yielding mouth were ruthless. Relentless. Saliva slid down her chin to her chest, her eyes watering once more. In the rare moments he withdrew she greedily gulped in a lungful of air before he thrust back in, filling her mouth as if determined to leave the imprint of his cock in the back of her _throat_. "Oh fuck, yes. That's it, just like that, pet." 

The euphoria she brought him was nothing short of indescribable. In those moments when his head wasn't thrown back in the highs of pleasure she held his gaze through her wet lashes, her own hazy with desire. If he'd reached between her thighs he knew he would have found her wetter than before, aching and pulsing with need. He didn't, it was a wish that would go unfulfilled tonight, but how much it turned her on sent him over the edge. 

He came hard, breath stolen from his lungs as he filled her mouth with his hot seed. His eyes rolling into his skull with such a force his head throbbed. Only when his cock softened did he withdraw, letting out a low growl as she swallowed every drop of him. 

Leaving her still kneeling on the floor he pulled his boxers and pants back up, temporarily returning to his desk. Fishing the keys from his pocket he unlocked the top drawer, searching until he found the slim black box he was looking for. 

When he returned to her he took her arm, helping her to her unsteady feet before freeing her from her restraints. She glanced down at the box in his hand, curious and nervous. When he flipped open the lid she was at first confused until recognition dawned on her spent features. He gestured with his finger for her to turn around, smirking when she hesitated. Already back to defying him. "Turn around, pet."

With a prod to her hip she obliged, turning her back to him. Taking the collar from the box he settled it against her throat before tightening and buckling the strap at the nape of her neck. He turned her towards the wall beside them to the mirror he thankfully hadn't thought to break earlier to show her. Two strips of slim black leather joined at the base of her throat by a silver ring. Dangling from the ring a little ruby charm. 

"The next time I see you, you will have this on." Placing a possessive kiss to the top of her head, his hand dropped to the small of her back, escorting her to the door. Once it was unlocked he gave her a nudge out into the hallway, "Goodnight, little wife." 

With that he closed the door on her still somewhat confused face, returning to the couch with a self satisfied grin.

*******************

A few hours later the sound of the doorbell distracted you from the task of brushing out your long, damp hair. Your bedroom was still steamy from your extra long, exceedingly hot shower. A shower that was supposed to help you clear your mind but instead only had you reliving the night's sensual reverie. 

You winced as you stood from the stool of your vanity, skin stinging beneath the fabric of your satin robe. It was nearly midnight, you weren't expecting anyone. When you reached the door you pulled it open to find Ushar standing there, looking uncertain but determined. 

It had been months since you'd seen him. Seen any of Ben's friends, really. After a few failed attempts of making contact and knowing his rejection of his old life they'd drifted away, treating Ben's absence like a death rather than a temporary problem to be fixed the way you did. Ushar had been among them. "Hey," he greeted, somewhat awkwardly, a hand rising to scratch the back of his neck before he pointed behind you, "Can I come in?" 

Wordlessly, you stepped aside, closing the door behind him before turning to face him. "Why are you here so late?" 

"I know it's been a while, and I was a shit friend for not checking on you more. But look, I saw him tonight. I heard he's involved in some really dangerous stuff, and I know you're trying to bring him back. The real him." He was rambling, eyes wide. Something had shaken him. You hadn't seen him this worked up since right after the accident and he'd decked one of Ben's doctors for telling you to give up. You'd bailed him out of jail later that night and he'd sworn you shouldn't give up. 

The question was, why had he changed his mind about giving up himself. "What's your point?" 

Crossing the distance between you, his hands settled on your shoulders, giving them an encouraging squeeze. When you met his gaze, you found him grinning, "I'm going to help you get Ben back."

******************

**(** a/n **)**

lol...well. I'm going to hell. 

Please comment/like/vote and let me know what you thought? Also, do you guys prefer having long chapters like this or would you rather I break them up more? This one was over 10,000 words because I'm a heathen. I can go either way. 

Dance scene very heavily inspired by the QUEEN's (Christina Aguilera) 'I'm A Good Girl' performance in Burlesque. 

Thank you for reading! <3 


	4. 48 Hours

TWs; mentions of violence and murder, dub-con, minor orgasm denial, smut. 

** Before **

_"Mrs. Solo," Ben called through the thin door to the bathroom you'd locked when he had his back turned, "I thought one of the perks of marriage was getting to see you naked all the time."_

_You smirked as you worked on tying the strings of the extremely skimpy bikini you wanted to surprise him with. While you generally agreed that he had a point, you had a flare for the dramatic. Especially after spending as much as you had on two little scraps of fabric that would have made both your parents go into cardiac arrest. Not to mention, you only got one honeymoon. It had be done right._

_"I don't know where you heard that, Mr. Solo." you teased back, savoring his name - your new and forever name - on your tongue. Before you met Ben you'd always thought you'd keep your maiden name, not fond of the archaic tradition of surrendering a piece of yourself because you let a man put a ring on your finger. But he changed so many of your beliefs. And not with arguments or manipulation, but simply by being himself. You wanted his name because you were proud of the man he was, and it meant something to you to join his family and create one of your own. Smiling fondly as you tied off the knot on your right hip, you moved a step closer to the door, "Once you walk down the aisle it's all downhill. It's 70s bush and baggy sweatpants from now on for you, buddy."_

_You stifled a giggle, imagining the look on his face. You heard his audible sigh followed by what sounded like his flopping down on the bed. Ordinarily that wasn't a distinguishable noise, but when you were built like a tree it was difficult to do anything quietly, He groaned irritably. "Honestly sweetheart I'll eat the bush, happily, just get your ass out here already."_

_How could you turn down an offer like that?_

_Deciding not to torture him anymore, you twisted the lock and pulled the door open, pausing there to let him appreciate the **lack** of 70s attire. "Happy now?" _

_That mop of messy black hair popped up suspiciously, though quickly turning to slack-jawed awe. His dark eyes roamed over every inch of exposed skin, the curve of your waist, your barely contained breasts. It was a good thing you'd chosen Ocracoke for your honeymoon. The tiny island was sparsely populated to begin with, and the bungalow you'd chosen was on the far side of the island. You had the beach completely to yourselves._

_While he was significantly less exposed, you couldn't help but notice his ordinarily fair skin had already taken on some color. Thankfully not red; you'd been slathering him in sunscreen like an overprotective mom during soccer season. The defined muscles of his torso, arms, and legs were undisguised thanks to his dark blue swim trunks. You bit down on your lower lip._

_You should have done this sooner. Having a hot husband was fun._

_Walking slowly over the bed, swaying your hips with every step, you made yourself at home on his lap, straddling him so you sat face to face on his thighs. Tracing your hands up his chest, feeling his sun-warmed skin, the thundering of his heart in his ribcage beneath your fingertips, you knew you'd never been happier._

_"You," he breathed, his arms wrapping around you, coming to rest on your ass to urge you closer still, "are too goddamn beautiful to be real." His head dipped down, lips pressing to the tops your breasts, moving up towards your neck. You tipped your head back, happily giving him better access. You gasped at the sudden prick of his teeth. Not hard enough to break the skin, but there would be a mark there. When you looked back at him, you found him smirking, but his eyes were hazy with desire, "I want the whole world to know you're mine."_

_Feeling a surge of heat in your core, your breath came shorter as you pushed him back on the bed. Hovering over him, you let your hair fall over your shoulders, shielding you both in a curtain of its silky texture. You bent and began your trail of kisses, licks, and nibbles up his chest, tasting the saltiness on his skin from his earlier swim in the ocean. You giggled when you felt his hands lift, deftly untying the secured strap of your top at the back of your neck. You grabbed the bottom of the flimsy fabric before it could completely fall away, "I haven't even worn this yet, **husband**." you teased, though all thoughts of doing anything out of him had completely vanished from your mind. _

_"There's always tomorrow, **wife**." he teased, tugging it away with one smooth motion and tossing it to the floor. His hands were already moving to the ties of your bottoms before you'd even had time to blink, "Now stop teasing me so I can devour every inch of you." _

_You never made it to the beach that day, but you spent the afternoon, the evening, the entire night so wrapped up in another it was impossible to tell where he ended and you began._

**After**

_**(Y/N Solo)** : Just be careful, okay? He's nothing like Ben._

_**(Ushar Lavery)** : Stop worrying so much. I got this. You just watch your back. I've only been here for a few hours and three different people have told me he's obsessed with you. _

_**(Y/N Solo)** : I already told you what he did to Finn. Be. **CAREFUL**._

_**(Ushar Lavery)** : Yes. Ma'am._

Rolling your eyes, you tossed your phone on the bed next to your open suitcase, trying to figure out once again how it was that Ushar talked you into letting him help. More than likely, it would just be a way to get himself killed. But you'd spent hours the night before arguing with him late into the night that it was better for him to stay out of it and he wouldn't hear it. Even after you told him the savage way Kylo had gone after Finn for snooping around. If he thought Ushar was doing the same, or was trying to help you in some way, you didn't even want to think about what would be done to him. 

But Ushar had still ignored you, promising to text you first thing in the morning with an 'update'. 

He'd delivered, to his credit. Only a few minutes after you'd stumbled out of bed, sleep deprived and desperate for caffeine, your phone had buzzed with a text letting you know that he'd taken a part time bar tending job at the club. He was calling it 'Phase 1'. 

His plan had fucking phases. Ushar Lavery. An accountant. Had a plan to take down vicious mobsters with phases. 

If you weren't legitimately worried you'd be planning his funeral within the week it might have been funny. 

However, for the being being you didn't really have any option but to accept it and try to look out for him. If you exposed him, or asked the wrong questions that could put him in danger just as easily. So until you could manage to talk him out of it, this would be the next jagged piece of the already complicated puzzle you were trying to put together. 

A puzzle that you'd - stupidly or not - made all the more complicated by looking at your second text of the morning. 

_Call out at work. Pack a bag for the weekend. Warm clothes. Pick you up at 10:00._

Kylo. 

Less than twenty four hours after stumbling out of his office with his handprints on your ass and the taste of his cum in your mouth he was once again calling the shots, and you were actually considering it. More than considering it. You were in your closet pulling a small suitcase off the shelf before you even stopped to think. Were you really going to get in a car with him - again - not knowing where you were going - again - after he'd punished you for dancing? 

Granted, you knew it was more than getting on stage. It was the message behind it. The sloppy kiss to the stray bartender. That little show would have pissed off a significantly less possessive man. You'd played with fire and gotten _burned_. But still. What gave him the right to drag you into his office because you did something he didn't like? 

You answer to his text should have been no. Maybe a resounding ' _fuck you_ '. Or better yet ' _fuck off_ ''. But it hadn't been. Because if you were honest with yourself, you'd have to admit the only thing you **hadn't** liked about the night before was that you'd left his office _desperate_ with need he deliberately left unsatisfied. So instead you'd simply written back ' _fine_ '. Your phone buzzed with another text immediately after that made you choke on your coffee. 

_Bring your collar._

Had you really thought he would forget about that? 

A part of you yearned to throw it down the garbage disposal. And mail the tattered pieces to him with a note telling him to go fuck himself. You weren't naïve enough to see it for what it was; another claim to you. Another way to _own_ you. But you weren't his. Having that thing around your neck had felt like a personal betrayal to Ben. Not that he'd been into that sort of thing, but the intimate meaning behind it remained. You had a scratch on the side of your neck from the ferocity which you'd ripped it off the second you walked out of the club. You'd almost left it in the parking lot. Whatever stopped you and made you tuck it into your clutch wasn't something you'd wanted to explore. 

Nor was the impulse that pushed you to pack it in the depths of your suitcase.

By the time 10:00 rolled around your bag was packed by the door, you'd taken another vacation day at work, and you were a tightly wound ball of nerves. It was a wonder you hadn't pulled your hair out twisting it around your finger nervously. When you had something to occupy your time and hands you hadn't had to think too closely about the implications, the dangers of what you were about to do. 

A weekend away with a mobster who'd invaded your husband's body. What could go wrong?

The sound of the doorbell made your heart skip a beat. Too late to back out now. Glancing in the mirror you realized you'd unconsciously dressed...well, like him. Dark wash jeans, knee high black suede boots, an off the shoulder black sweater that left half your collarbone and right shoulder exposed. It was unseasonably cold outside. Considering Kylo's advice to bring warm clothes you weren't going anywhere where that was likely to change. 

Walking over to the front door you picked up your bag and keys before pulling open the door, feeling another flutter in your heart at the sight of him. His dark hair was down, still styled but less so than usual. Instead of a suit or a button down he wore a black cable knit sweater...something Ben would have worn. Jeans. Black boots. His gaze roamed over you, lips turning up at the edges when he realized you matched. "Ready?" His eyes lingered at your neck longer than necessary; was he looking for the collar?

"Mmhhmm." You hummed, trying to keep the heat from your cheeks as you stepped over the threshold. You turned to lock the door but paused when he grabbed the strap of your bag from your shoulder, taking it for you. "Thanks," you mumbled, surprised by the gesture. 

You turned to follow him to his car, expecting to see his imposing black SUV rather than the sleek, jet black Porsche parked in your driveway. He glanced back at you when he realized you were staring, "What's wrong?"

Your gaze swiveled between Kylo and the car a few times; you'd assumed it was obvious. "Is that a Porsche?" Ben had certainly done well enough for himself - as had you - but you were thoroughly middle class. A car like that didn't exist for you outside of movies and magazines. 

Grinning, a genuine, carefree sort of grin that made your chest tighten with memories of Ben, he held up the keys to you, "Care to take it for a test ride?"

*****************

There were very few things you were sure of at the moment, but there was at least one you could say with confidence; you loved that car.

It had taken some getting used to, and more than one close call of Kylo looking like he was preparing to meet his ancestors, but once you'd gotten the hang of it, it was a rush. The slightest tap to the gas and you were soaring down the mostly deserted highway, following Kylo's instructions without giving too much thought to where you were actually going. 

Kylo had been relatively quiet beside you, but seemed happy to let you enjoy the car. Occasionally his hand would appear on your thigh or reach out to twist a lock of your hair around his finger - throwing your equilibrium so far off course you considered it a miracle you hadn't driven off the increasingly curvy road. 

About the time you began to realize you were heading into the mountains he had you pull over so you could switch seats. You might have argued if you'd stayed on the highway, but you didn't feel confident in navigating the narrow, twisting road he'd directed you to. Content to have had your fun, you took up residence in the passenger's seat, grateful for the warmth he'd left behind. It had grown increasingly chillier. Just the quick walk from one side of the car to other had been enough to have you reaching for your leather jacket hanging on the back of the back of the seat and turning the heat up. Thankfully with the small interior it was almost instantly more comfortable. 

"Warm enough?" he asked as he pulled the Porsche back on to the road, completely at ease with one hand on the wheel. The other having claimed one of yours in his, twining his fingers through yours. 

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. His hand was warm. Skin calloused but familiar. It still baffled you how he could go from being the domineering prick in the club telling you what to do and calling you 'pet' to this. Was one of them an act? Were his moods really that unpredictable? The latter certainly seemed plausible. The doctors had warned you about that repeatedly after the accident, reminding you that mood swings and changes to personality were common with TBIs. 

If only they had any idea how right they'd been. 

"So," you said slowly, wondering if broaching into more honest territory wouldn't disrupt the fragile peace the two of you had been able to maintain the last few hours. "Is this the part where you tell me what we're doing?" You'd already tried asking - twice - _where_ you were going, but he maintained it was a surprise. 

You held your breath when he tossed you a rogue half-smirk, looking away from the road just before rounding a sharp turn. Though he navigated it seamlessly through the corner of his eye, you still made a mental note to wait for less harrowing stretches of road to ask questions. "My little wife. Always so curious and impatient." He sounded fond enough, but the dark undercurrent to his words made your palms sweat. Did he have to be so damn sensual about _everything_? "I have a proposition for you." 

"A proposition?" You repeated, as curious - just as he'd accused - as you were apprehensive. Though perhaps you should have seen it as progress. Up until this point he'd done more telling than proposing. "I'm listening." 

Snow began falling against the windshield, first just a wisp of flakes dusting over the glass, but quickly turning to a steady downpour. The tinted windows dulled the bright white light outside the car. "I want you to give me forty eight hours to change your mind." he said quietly, thumb tracing along the top of yours, your hands still woven together. "Two days, no saying no to anything. Give me the chance to show you how good we can be."

Two days to convince you to give up on Ben. Though he didn't say it, the implication was clear. He wanted you to stop fighting your attraction for him and clinging to the love your harbored for your husband and choose him exactly as he was now instead. "I'm not agreeing to do whatever you tell me for two days. I'm not going all Bonnie and Clyde with you on a bet." 

He had the grace to chuckle, "Fine. No saying no to things that are _legal_." A beat of silence passed before he shrugged glibly, "Within reason." 

His offer put you in a rare position; you had something he wanted that he absolutely couldn't force, bribe, threaten, or coerce from you. Upper hands with Kylo Ren were a rare thing, and you weren't about to pass it up. "Fine, but only if I get the same from you. Two days, no saying no. Take it or leave it." 

Glancing your way again he narrowed his eyes, not liking the power play. Had he not been driving there may have been more serious repercussions than a moment of indecision and what you could only describe as a pout. "Fine," he agreed, returning his gaze to the road, "but this weekend is mine." 

Considering he'd planned the trip that seemed fair. Well, as close to fair as anyone could get under these circumstances, anyway. Besides, you were too happy with the win to argue the details. As eager as he seemed to be for the chance to try and bring you around to his way of thinking, this could easily be the exact opening you needed to trigger memories of Ben. Two days of him not being able to deflect or walk away or flat out turn you down when you tried to remind him of who he truly was. 

All you had to do was survive the weekend first.

You nodded, pumping his hand a few times as if you'd struck a business deal. He pointedly rolled his eyes, but you could see him fighting a grin. 

***************

"Rose, come on. You know this is a bad idea." Finn argued, wincing at the pain in his ribs as he struggled to stand up. It had only been two days since his run in with Kylo and he was far from recovered. He'd been staying at a friend's house who traveled nine months out of the year, attempting to lay low and let the heat die down. 

Rose had been coming by as often as she could with medical supplies, food, and lectures about being more careful. She was a good friend. But his concern was growing daily that she was losing sight of the big picture in favor of her goal. It didn't seem to resonate with her that if she started sacrificing other people and bending her morals, she was really no different from Smoke himself. 

When she'd told him that she'd met with Kylo's wife in secret and made some sort of deal to try and keep Ben from being implicated in return for information on Snoke and his organization, he'd nearly popped his stitches. Mrs. Solo was a determined woman, formidable without a doubt. But she had no idea what she was doing. No training. No real idea of the kind of world her husband had joined. It wasn't safe to just toss her at Kylo and hope for the best. 

Taking a brief pause from her nervous pacing Rose shot him a warning look, "Sit down! It's too soon for you to be up and walking around." As gently as possible she pushed him back down on the couch, ignoring his irritated grumblings. "Look I know this isn't ideal but she's kind of our best option right now. And be honest; even if I hadn't made that deal with her, it's not like she was planning on staying away. Either way she'll be around Kylo as much as possible. Why not multitask and find something we can use to bring Snoke down. Help keep him away from her crazy ass husband." 

It was a flimsy justification. They both knew it. But Rose was willing to ignore it. He wasn't. "That same crazy ass husband who will skin her alive if he figures out what she's doing? She's desperate to get Ben back, she isn't thinking clearly. You shouldn't be encouraging her." Before she could step away he caught her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You're better than that, Rose." 

Features softening, she sighed. A part of her knew he was right, but the much more dominant side, the side who'd found Finn collapsed on his front porch - bleeding an unconscious - was too angry to to swayed. "He's a hell of a lot less likely to hurt her than he is you. If she plays this right she won't be in danger. Even though he's a psychotic son of a bitch I think he's made it pretty clear he wants her around." Okay, so maybe that in itself should have worried her more, but she was desperate. She'd been fighting this uphill battle for years. Her partner thought she was insane. Her captain watching her every move. She even had the attention of the commissioner ...and not in a good way. 

It's not like she enjoyed bending the rules and breaking protocol, but she didn't have a choice. Snoke had to be stopped. 

"Look, I'll keep an eye on her, make sure to pull her out if she gets in too deep. Okay?" Yet another deal she was making knowing it would only take a few wrong turns before she couldn't keep up her end. 

And Finn, knowing that already, sighed again, "I'm not going to talk either of you out of this, am I?"

"Nope."

*******************

Your destination turned out to be a ski resort. Well, resort was putting it mildly. The massive stone structure sat at the top of a winding drove, looking almost like castle. A fresh blanket of snow covered the grounds and impressively large deck. The lift further up the mountain stood next to the lodge, ferrying people up to the slopes. A ring of picturesque pine trees bordered the property. It was absolutely stunning; you imagined it was even more so at night with lights glowing out in the darkness.

You looked towards Kylo, doing nothing to hide your shock, "This place must cost three grand a night, this is way too much." 

Kylo glanced around, reminding you of the car your were sitting in. You had to remind yourself money clearly wasn't a concern for him anymore. "Actually, it's free." Grabbing his phone from the dock he tucked it in his jacket pocket before reaching over and patting your thigh, "I own the place." 

Leaving you stunned, he climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind him. Two employees came jogging out, both looking overly eager. Clearly they knew who the boss was. You watched Kylo hand one of them the keys and direct the other to your bags in the trunk. 

Walking around to the passenger's side he pulled open your door, offering you his hand to help you out. Wordlessly you slipped your hand into his, still completely captivated by the sights around you. His hand appeared below your chin, turning you towards him. Amusement played in his eyes, enjoying your surprise, but there was something deeper there too. A dark excitement at the prospect of having you at his mercy for the next two days. 

"Clock starts now. Forty eight hours and I promise you," your heart pounded in your chest as he inclined his head, claiming your lips in a fierce, demanding kiss. The kind that stole the breath from your lungs and left you lightheaded even after he broke away, an arm sliding around your waist to pull you flush against his chest, "You'll want to be mine. And _only_ mine, little wife." he finished, brushing his thumb over your lower lip before nodding in the direction of the lodge. 

_Here goes nothing._

*****************

The resort was, if possible, even more stunning on the inside. A mixture of gleaming, polished wood to give it the feel of a lodge, and smooth marble. The domed ceiling of the lobby housed a massive, sparkling chandelier that had been forged to appear as though it were frosted with ice. Everything from the tastefully placed furniture to the stunning view of the mountains from the full glass walls exuded luxury. 

You followed Kylo closely, his arm still wrapped securely around your waist, knowing you looked like a star struck tourist but too enamored to care. Kylo didn't exactly strike you as the type to enjoy something like this, but he was completely at ease, greeting a few people with nods as you crossed the lobby. You didn't miss the way people did double takes at you. 

Selfishly, you were glad it was an oddity to those that knew him that he had a woman with him. 

Approaching the front desk, a man who introduced himself as the general manager - Philip - greeted you both with a smile and handed over two keycards to your room. More seasoned than his employees he didn't let his shock show in his expression that Kylo had brought a guest. "The estate room is all ready for you, sir. You'll find all your other requests have been met, and your bags are waiting for you. Would you like me to show you to the room?" 

"I think we can manage," Kylo answered smoothly. Surprising even you at his openness, he took one of your hands in his own and brought it to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly, "I trust you to ensure my wife will have everything she requires." 

"And more," Philip answered promptly, offering you both the same polite smile as if he lived and breathed to ensure your comfort. 

You called a 'thank you' over your shoulder as Kylo led you away from the desk to a short hallway that led to a spacious elevator. The doors parted, welcoming you in, without a button being pushed. Inside, Kylo pressed the dimly backlit '5' on the panel, which appeared to be the top floor. 

The moment the doors slid closed, leaving you in the quiet, warm, confined space, a warm flush spread over your skin. His arm tightened slightly around you. Glancing up, you saw the same shift in energy reflected in his gaze as his lips quirked, "If you keep looking at me like that I can't guarantee your clothes will make it to our room." 

Despite yourself, your teeth sunk into your bottom lip, fighting a smile. If you stayed in that damn elevator much longer you wouldn't _want_ them to. 

The doors mercifully opened a moment later into a significantly more spacious hallway. Leading you off the elevator, you followed him down the hall, noting that the closed doors lining it were few and far between. Unlike a standard hotel where the rooms were stacked on top of each other, there seemed to only be a few on the hall. Before you could think to ask Kylo about it you were coming to a stop at the end of the hall in front a set of imposing double doors. Wordlessly, Kylo slid one of the keycards into the slim slot built in just below the doorknob. A soft _click_ and the door swung open to reveal a massive suite. 

The room was outfitted with a full sized living room, kitchen, and dining area. Pool table. California king bed. You could see a jacuzzi out on the balcony, the same breathtaking view of the mountains just on the side of the windows. A door that led to what you assumed was the bathroom stood on the other side of the room, promising more of the same luxury.

Finally releasing you, Kylo walked into the kitchen, having spotted the gifts left behind by his staff on the counter. You trailed behind, curious. 

A bottle of champagne resting in a bucket of ice, two flutes sitting next to it. A tray of decadent looking chocolate covered strawberries. A bowl of fresh whipped cream, also on ice. And a small black gift bag. When you tried to peer inside he deftly snatched it away, giving you a mischievous smirk before setting it to the side. "Surprise for later," he explained before gesturing to the admittedly tempting spread, "Hungry?"

You'd agreed your answer for the next two days _couldn't_ be no, but what bothered you more was the simple fact that even if it should have been you still would have said yes. 

Pleased with your answer, he made quick work of tearing off the foil tab on the bottle, holding it at an angle and using the cage to safely release the pressure in the bottle so the cork came free with a soft sigh rather than a pop. When he noticed you watching him - thinking how ironic it was that a mobster was practicing bottle safety - he nodded towards the windows, "I broke one with a cork during my last stay, for the sake of Philip's nerves I promised to be more careful." 

"How considerate," you murmured as he poured the bubbly liquid into the glasses. You could have kicked yourself for the thought, but you wondered what he'd been celebrating during his last visit. More importantly, _who_ he'd been celebrating with. The surge of irrational jealousy surprised you in its intensity; enough to make you see red. You'd never had any need for it with Ben. You trusted him completely. Bu Kylo had spent months without you...was it really so crazy to think he hadn't been living like a monk that whole time? 

The sudden appearance of his hands on your hips pulled you from your thoughts, a stifled gasp escaping your lips as he effortlessly lifted you up on the counter. With still widened eyes you watched his expression shift to something hungry as his hands slid from your hips, down your thighs, to finally rest on your knees. Your breath hitched in your throat as he shoved your legs apart; coming to stand between them, your thighs now resting on his hips. His hands moved to rest on the counter, caging you in place. 

"Is that jealousy I sense in you?" he questioned quietly, holding your gaze hostage with his own. Every inch of him radiated satisfaction. The idea of you hating some potentially fictitious woman getting under his skin effortlessly. Leaning forward, he kissed the corner of your mouth, pulling back before you could turn your head for more, "Answer me. The thought of my hands," his slid to your backside, dragging you forward just enough on the countertop so you could feel his rock hard length against your thigh, "touching another woman just **burns** you up inside, doesn't it?"

His ego certainly didn't need the boost, but even if you'd been able to form a lie, neither of you would have believed it. It was too obvious. "Did you?" you countered, not exactly answering his question, but not denying the truth of it, either. 

Rather than immediately answering, he grabbed one of the strawberries, raising it to your lips. The sweet smell of the fruit and chocolate enveloped your senses, making your mouth water. "Bite," he commanded softly, stifling a groan when you parted your lips and obediently sank your teeth into it. 

As you chewed, you watched his eyes attentively observe a drop of pink tinged juice roll down your chin until you swiped it away with your finger. He caught your hand before you could drop it, bringing that finger to his mouth to delicately lick it clean. The sensation alone was enough to drive you wild, but the way he _watched_ you, like he wanted to devour your entire body sent a renewed wave of wildfire across your skin. 

When he released your hand, you brought it down to the bowl of whipped cream, dipping a finger in and scooping up a small dollop. Rather than tasting it, you brought it to his lips, offering him your finger, tempting fate. And he, just as unhesitant as you had, drew your finger into his mouth, sucking the cream off, tongue lingering far longer than necessary. Your breath came shorter at the growl emitting from his throat, "Sweet girl," he leaned in, lips hovering just over yours, "don't tease me." 

"Who's teasing?" you mumbled, looking up at him through your lashes, too lost in his touch to think straight, "I can't say 'no', remember?" 

A breathy, short lived chuckle greeted your dare. You shivered when you felt his hand slip under your sweater, exploring. "That's right," he agreed, pleased with the reminder. "In that case...you're wearing entirely too many clothes. Take it off." His hand disappeared, pausing only long enough to tug on the hem, reinforcing his request.

Swallowing, your unsteady hands found the hem of your sweater, pulling it slowly over your head before letting it fall to the floor beside you in a heap. The cool air pebbled your exposed skin with gooseflesh, watching unabashed as his eyes scanned over your nearly-bare upper half. Save for your strapless black bra, he had an unobstructed view. You thought he was going to ask for that too - and you knew already that you would obey - but instead he pulled the bowl of whipped cream closer. 

Dipping his finger in, he brought it up to your collarbone, leaving a trail of sticky sweetness across your skin. The heat of both of your skin melting it in seconds, white droplets slowly weaving down your chest. Giving you a teasing pout, he licked his lips, "Poor thing, let me help you." 

Your head tilted back, giving him better access as he bent his head, his tongue lapping up the remains of the whipped cream in agonizingly slow strokes. A needy mewl greeted him as he sucked at the skin just above your breasts. God you wanted him. So wrapped up in sensation your body couldn't tell or didn't care what he called himself. All you knew is you never wanted him to stop. 

Without your control, your thighs hugged his hips tighter, making him pause as he finished hiss slow assault on your self control. Grabbing another strawberry from the tray he held it to your lips, letting you take a bite before he popped the rest of it in his own mouth. His hand raised to the nape of your neck, drawing you in for another kiss. The taste of him overrode everything else, your hands moving to loop around his back, urging him closer. He pulled back just enough to allow you to breathe, to swallow the strawberry and your saliva still in his mouth, "I'm going to fuck you," he promised, stroking your hair back, petting you, "I'm going to have you screaming...shaking, desperate to feel me inside you." He breathed against you, his tone low and raspy. 

"But not right now." 

Disentangling himself from you he stepped back, observing your dropped jawed disappointment with a wicked gleam in his eyes, "I have some business to attend to. The resort has everything, just tell Philip what you want and he'll arrange it. The spa is nothing short of perfection." he suggested, eyes raking over you again, reminding you he looked perfectly composed and put together while you were a half naked panting mess. "There's a party tonight. Black tie. Meet me there at 8:00, Philip will show you. There's a few things for you in the bathroom," he added, seeing you were about to object. You hadn't brought anything even remotely dressy enough for that. 

Without another word he turned and headed for the door. When he got there he looked back over his shoulder, first at you and then at the little black gift bag he'd moved aside earlier, "Open that when you get ready."

With that he was gone, leaving you to figure out what the actual fuck just happened. 

*****************

After you'd gotten over the initial shock - and disappointment - of his abrupt departure you estimated you had about three and a half hours to yourself before you were due to meet him at this party. 

Taking his advice you'd called down to the front desk and asked Philip to make you an appointment at the spa for a mani/pedi and a facial. The array of massages they offered were incredibly tempting, especially after being left so painfully starved for touch, but you wanted to leave yourself enough time to shower and get ready. 

Admittedly, this life had an appeal. Even though you were proud of how hard you worked and what you and Ben had created together, it was nice to be pampered and not have to worry about the hit to your savings account. Not to mention everyone in the lodge - employees and weirdly non employees alike - treated you like royalty. You'd honestly been waiting for Philip to offer you a piggyback ride when he showed you first where the ballroom was for the party later and then the spa. 

"Call if you need anything else, Mrs. Ren." he said happily, leaving you in the capable hands of the spa staff before you could correct him. 

***************

A few hours later you stood in front of the full length mirror in the enormous spa-style bathroom, barely recognizing the woman looking back at you.

After your treatments at the spa a girl who appeared to be around your age with fiery orange hair twisted into an elegant French twist had come to find you, introducing herself as Gretchen, and telling you that Kylo had arranged for her to do your hair and makeup for the party. Glad to be free of the burden, you arranged to have her come to your room when you were done showering. She chattered good naturedly about the resort and the local area as she worked, seeming sure of herself. 

When she finally let you look in the mirror you'd been stunned. Your hair had been styled into an intricate half up/half down style, with the pieces hanging down in loose curls. Your eyes popped thanks to the artful glimmering smoky eyeshadow and winged eyeliner. Your lips were stained in a matte crimson lipstick. Just a hint of bronzer gave your skin a warm glow. It all matched the dress perfectly, which Gretchen confessed she'd seen earlier in the day when she delivered it to your room. "Mr. Ren picked it himself. You husband has great taste," she said with a wink before helping you with the nearly invisible zipper. 

While long sleeved and floor length, it was the kind of dress so fitted it didn't need exposed skin to be sexy. The bodice and sleeves where a translucent black mesh material with a black velvet floral pattern stitched across it so it appeared like it had been painted on your skin. The skirt was silky and swirled around you every time you moved, accentuating the curve of your waist. The strappy black platform heels Kylo had left for you gave you a few extra inches of height; a necessity when spending so much time with someone who towered over you on a regular basis.

Once Gretchen was safely gone you tended to the final details of your ensemble. Though he hadn't asked you to, you dug the collar out of your suitcase. Though you still had some reservations, the more devious side of you wanted to see his face when he saw you wearing it. after leaving you earlier, you thought he'd earned the karma. Seeing it in the light paired with the dress, you had to admit it wasn't as gaudy as you'd thought. It looked much closer to a necklace than anything else, and it matched the dress perfectly. 

The final step had been to peek into the little black gift bag on the kitchen counter...lips parting in anxious anticipation when you saw what was inside. 

_Bastard_. 

***************

"Are you alright, madam?" Philip asked in a low undertone as he escorted you towards the ballroom. You could hear the echo of music from further down the hall. A few couples were milling around outside the doors. According to Philip this was a charity event, which, for the obscenely wealthy, apparently meant an excuse to get together and drink and spend way too much money on clothes and food. 

It took a significant amount of self restraint to compose yourself. The ben wa balls shifting around _down under_ were already making your **knees** shake. As usual Kylo was ten steps ahead of you. 

"Just excited," you semi-lied, hoping he wouldn't continue to push the issue. Philip was extremely helpful, but he really didn't need to know why you were about to combust. 

Clearly not believing you, he nodded, coming to a stop just outside the doors. He gestured inside, "Enjoy your evening. Mr. Ren is expecting you." 

Giving him a quick smile of thanks you stepped inside, once again taken aback at the sight that greeted you. The ballroom, like the rest of the resort, was spacious with impossibly high ceilings. Rather than the marble floors like in the lobby, they were a dark, polished hardwood that made the dark red tablecloths pop. Circular tables were set up sporadically around the room, most already filling up with chattering people. A large sat on the far wall in front of another all glass window. A band was playing tango music that reverberated around the room. In front of the stage was a sizeable dance floor. There were a few couples swaying with the music, but it was otherwise empty. 

Candles had ben lit on all the tables, and twinkle lights hung low, creating an intimate atmosphere. You had to give it to whoever decorated the place, they knew how to do their job. 

You turned, thinking of finding a table, when you came face to face with Kylo. 

Dressed in a sleek black tux, with a black shirt and tie, he looked every inch the powerful man he aimed to be. His raven hair gleamed in the low light. That same watch he'd been wearing that first night at the club adorning his wrist again. 

If you were speechless at his appearance, it was nothing compared to the look on his face as he drunk you in. You could have melted under the intensity of his stare as his eyes scanned over you, resting and darkening on the sight of the collar around your neck. Like a month drawn in to a flame it was you who closed the distance between you, barely able to hear over the pounding of your heart. 

He held his hand out to you when you were close enough, drawing you to him. The scent of his aftershave filled your lungs...and just the right - or maybe **wrong** \- move made your thighs clench, a shaky breath escaping your lips. Your other hand fell on his chest to steady yourself. 

"You look stunning," He complimented before expression turned to show his devious amusement, "and I see you found your present." 

Your cheeks warmed as you temporarily let yourself lean into him, your face hidden against his chest, muffling a frustrated moan. Screw blood and broken bones. _This_ was torture. It had seemed like harmless fun in your room, but by the time you'd gotten to the lobby you were ready to scream. At this point you would have happily ripped the damn dress off and fucked him on the next available surface. 

His hand soothingly pet your hair - careful not to disturb Gretchen's work - though you honestly couldn't tell if he was mocking you, "Patience, pet. I'll take care of you later. Let's dance, keep that naughty little mind busy." 

You wanted to protest - moving of any kind was **not** a good idea - but he was already pulling you along to the dancefloor. Thankfully the band had switched to a slower song so you could get away with swaying. His hand settled on your back, the other holding your hand as he led you. "You wore your collar for me." he murmured quietly, lowly enough that the other couples around you wouldn't hear. 

Clearing your throat and settling into as stiff of a rhythm as you could, your hand found its way to his shoulder, "Don't let it go to your head." 

But there was little reason to take that advice; it was a clear victory. 

"Too late," he murmured, pulling you closer, smirking at your in-drawn breath. If he had any idea how close you were to coming apart. "On second thought, I don't think you're going to last until later, are you?" 

"Fuck you." You snarled quietly, biting down on your tongue. The hand on his shoulder taking the form of a claw, digging in, holding on. Frustrated, you rested your head against his chest again, torn between the desire to take him up on his earlier offer, or throttle the life out of him for this. "Kylo, please." 

He continued to hold you tightly, undoubtedly the only thing keeping you on your feet at this point. "Mmm, I love the sound of you begging." The hand on your back drifted away, coming up instead to claim your chin, forcing you to look up again and meet his gaze, "I want to hear it again after I make you come." 

"I'll do whatever you want, just get me _out of here_." You hissed. Definitely going with the throttling option. The coy act was only entertaining up to a point. He wasn't the only impatient one. 

Apparently needing no further encouragement he whisked you off the dance floor, heading towards on the back doors that sat near the stage. A few curious gazes followed you, but you both ignored them. You had never cared about anything less than a couple of stranger's judging you. 

Yanking open the door Kylo pulled you into a darkened hallway. Stage equipment lined the walls but it was otherwise completely deserted. The only noise coming from the party, but it was muffled by the closed door. 

Pushing you against the wall by your hips he immediately sank to his knees in front of you, disappearing under the skirt off your dress. "I'm never buying you a floor length dress again," he growled, struggling to bat the material out of his way. You tugged it up impatiently until the top of his head appeared again. Your breathing picked up again as his fingers looped through your panties, pulling them down your legs, nudging you to step out of them before they disappeared into his pocket. 

You gasped at the feel of those skilled fingers at your entrance, slipping between your wet walls to find the string of the ben wa balls terrorizing you. Your hands ended up in his hair, pulling, clinging as he slowly withdrew them, nearly making you double over at the sensation. A loud whimper spilling from your lips. "Ssshhh, it's alright pet, daddy will make it better."

 _Daddy_?

You didn't have the chance to question it. The moment his tongue plunged into you, all legible thought went out the window. Were it not for his hands on your thighs you would have collapsed. You head colliding with the wall behind you, the hands in his hair urging him closer. His took his time with you, tasting, teasing, sending you to the edge and bringing you back over and over again. "FUCK! Kylo, please! Right there, ah!" You weren't even sure if the words tumbling from your trembling lips were human. You just needed _him_. 

So close to oblivion the moment his tongue started started circling your clit you came _apart_. Heedless of the room full of people on the other side of the door you choked out a breathless moan, seeing stars as you closed your eyes, content to live, breathe, and die in that singular moment. He continued eating you out, letting you ride out your orgasm, only coming up for air when the last of the aftershocks flooded through your body. 

He rose back to his feet, licking your wetness off his lips. Bending down to your height he claimed your mouth in another consuming, possessive kiss, hands moving to your hips to steady you when he felt you sway. 

Tasting him, tasting _you_ , somehow renewed your need for him instantaneously. Though you were dizzy enough to happily pass out, your arms fell from his hair to twine around his neck, desperate to keep his lips on yours.

At least, until the unmistakable sound of **gunfire** came from the ballroom.

****************

**(** a/n **)**

**dun dun dun.**

please comment/vote, I love hearing what you guys think of the story! 

thank you so much for reading! <3


	5. Drive Angry

**_TWs;_** violence, blood, descriptions of wounds, weapon use, death. 

**Before**

_"Mrs. Solo, if you would just calm dow-"_

_"If you tell me to calm down again I can't be held liable for what happens to **you** ," You snarled at the now startled looking nurse behind the desk. You knew, logically at least, she was just trying to do her job, but you weren't going to be told to wait. Not after receiving a call that Ben had been rushed to the hospital after a car accident that sent his car rolling off the road and careening down an embankment. All they'd been able to confirm over the phone was that he was still alive and had already been rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, your consent as his spouse recorded over the phone until you could arrive in person to sign the necessary paperwork. _

_You'd done your part and gone where they told you to go, signed what they told you to sign, and wait where they told you to wait. Now someone was going to give you answers or the toxic mixture of terror and blind panic boiling within you was about to spill over._

_Thankfully for the nurse - and you - a hand touched your shoulder. Whirling around you found yourself face to face with Cardo and Trudgen. Despite the fact that only a moment before you'd been ready to rip throats out with your **teeth** , the sight of two of Ben's closest friends nearly reduced you to a puddle. You'd called Cardo on the way to the hospital among a slew of others; you just hadn't expected them so soon. Feeling your face crumble you didn't hesitate when both opened their arms and pulled you in for a hug. "Thank you for coming." you mumbled against Cardo's shoulder. _

_"We wouldn't be anywhere else. Vicrul and Ap'Lek are parking the car. Kuruk went to go pick Leia up, he didn't want her driving in the weather. Ushar is on a plane back from Utah right now." He explained quietly as you struggled to compose yourself. You couldn't fall apart right now. Ben needed you._

_Nodding, you took an unsteady breath, turning back to the nurse only to find her hiding out behind an older man in pale blue scrubs. He gave you a kind smile, "Mrs. Solo my name is Dr. Norton. I've just come from checking in when Ben's surgeon."_

_"How is he?" the three of you asked at once, Cardo leaning forward as if to snatch the words out of the doctor's mouth; Trudgen's hand rested on the small of your back, silently giving you his support. You'd never been more grateful for Ben's close group of friends. Not that you'd ever disliked them, but your last meeting with them had been picking their sorry, drunken asses up outside a hotel after they'd been kicked out for jousting in the hallways with office chairs and coat racks at a friend's bachelor party. You'd ripped them all a new one on the ride home, making it clear they wouldn't be off the hook for that stunt for at least a month. _

_Now you would have given anything to see the seven of them stumbling around on the curb singing that god-awful rendition of 'Fat Bottomed Girls'._

_"I think we should start with the good news, and that is that Ben is incredibly lucky to be alive. The damage the car sustained it's a miracle he wasn't hurt more gravely." The doctor explained calmly, his gaze solely focused on you. Something about the way he delivered the news unsettled you. He may have been giving you the good news, but simply being alive was a long way from being okay. Seeing the worry in your expression he nodded gravely, "You're right to take that with a grain of salt. We're fortunate to have some of the best neurosurgeons in the state on staff, but head injuries are tricky on a good day. What we have to do to save a life can have devastating consequences, we'll have to proceed with the upmost caution. And more likely than not, we won't know the full picture if and when he regains consciousness post-surgery."_

_**If**. That word devoured your thoughts, shoving aside any flimsy attempts at reassurance. It was the kind of sobering reality check the world didn't prepare you for. The big hurtle was supposed to be living or dead. Ben was still alive, that should have been enough. But now you were faced with something different yet uniquely similar; what if he never woke up? What if he was a prisoner in his own body? You knew Ben. He would never want that. He would expect you to make the merciful choice, to honor his wishes. But could you do that? Could you put pen to paper and give your consent for half your soul to be ripped away from the world? _

_You found yourself nodding, as if you understood, and watching the doctor return to his duties as a cold feeling of numbness spread through your veins. This couldn't be happening._

_************* _

_He made it through surgery. You forced yourself to focus on that as the nurse led you to his room in the ICU. He was only allowed one visitor at a time. Everyone, Leia included, insisted you go first. You were desperate to see him. Feel breath in his lungs and a heartbeat in his chest, but you wished you weren't alone. The waiting room was half full of family and friends alike. In their presence you'd at least been forced to be strong. They didn't need to see your fear. Especially his mom, whose health was already fragile._

_Now that it was just you facing Ben's mortality, you felt like the smallest fracture would **break** you beyond repair. _

_The news from his doctors hadn't been good. Not bad, either, per say. But it wasn't enough to give anyone much hope. The same message of waiting until - **if** , there was that word again - he woke up to know the full extent of the damage. The only concrete news was that he still had brain activity and the bodily injuries he'd sustained weren't life threatening. With healing and psychical therapy he would be completely fine. _

_"Here he is, dear. Give us a page if you need anything." the elderly nurse said gently, patting your back before turning and heading up the hall to tend to other patients._

_For several long moments you stood outside of the glass sliding doors, staring into the darkened room. You could see the end of the bed from you stood, his broken leg elevated. You told yourself to get a grip. Ben needed you. He needed your strength; not your fear. You promised him for better or for worse._

_Time to step up._

_Sucking in a steadying breath you approached the automatic doors, pausing for them to slide open with a quiet hiss. The sound of rhythmic beeps and chimes from the monitors on either side of his bed greeted you. It was initially unsettling, but you quickly came to think of them as a support system; every sound, every light meant Ben was still with you._

_Seeing him in that bed was an image that would haunt you for months to come. While he was ordinarily pale skinned, he looked deathly. Every patch of bruising standing out starkly. His powerful chest rose and fell weakly with the effort of breathing breath. Despite his size, for the first time since you'd met him, he looked small. **Vulnerable**._

_Sinking into the chair next to his bed you reached for his hand, being careful not to disturb any of the wires or IV. There was a bandaged gash on his wrist; the glass from his window shattering had cut him. You felt your lips tremble as you fought to stay in control, watching his sleeping face and wishing more than anything he would open those deep, beautiful eyes and tell you to stop acting like such a girl. "You fought hard in there. I'm proud of you, baby." you murmured, bending and kissing the top of his hand tenderly._

_There were a series of shallow scratches on his face, glass the airbag hadn't protected him from. You could just make out the bruising at the neck of his hospital gown from the impact. The thought had never occurred to you before, but you knew in that moment you would happily take every ounce of his suffering. "Everyone is here. The Knights. My parents. My sister and her family. Your mom. Coworkers. A few of the neighbors. Hate to break it to you, Solo, but you have an audience. You can't disappoint them." You joked weakly._

_Sighing, you felt your shoulders sag. You felt the weight of the world pressing on them, and even though Ben was in no shape to help you carry it, you realized he was the only person in your life you were ever completely open with. The only one you were willing to show weakness, "This isn't supposed to happen. You're young. We're young. The only reason we should be in a damn hospital is because Vicrul's psychotic ex tried to cut his dick off or when we have..." You trailed off, thinking of only a few days before when Ben had told you, casually over morning coffee, that he was ready for kids. It had been so out of the blue you'd simply stared at him until a warm, happy feeling began to spread through you as you realized you were ready, too._

_Now you wondered if you would ever have them at all._

_No. You couldn't think like that. Not in front of him. You shook your head as if to clear it, forcing yourself to stay focused on the matter at hand; Ben._

_Giving his hand a firm but gentle squeeze you peered into his battered face again, searching for any sign of consciousness returning, "I don't care how long it takes or what we have to do, we'll get you through this. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. So you keep fighting. You hear me? Come back to me and our life and our future ."_

_*************** _

_His eyes did eventually open only a few days later. You still perched in that same chair, sleep deprived and refusing to have so much as a breath of the 'worst case scenario' conversations his doctors kept trying to gently ease you into._

_The thing was, they'd been trying to prepare you for the possibility of never truly seeing Ben again. As irony often was, the cruelest reality was that even they couldn't have done anything to prepare you for that moment when you met his eyes again and saw absolutely **nothing**. _

_No recognition. No emotion. No love._

_Ben Solo still had yet to wake._

** After **

"Was that -"

"Quiet." Kylo hissed under his breath, back on his feet in an instant, a gun drawn from his waistband you hadn't even known existed. Anyone seeing him now never would have known he'd been on his knees ten seconds before dragging you over the edge with nothing more than his _tongue_. 

Drawing his arm around your waist he pulled you tightly to his side, "Take your shoes off." he murmured quietly, gaze shifting to either end of the hallway as you hurriedly kicked them off. Pulling you back a few steps he twisted the lock on the door you'd come through silently before quietly moving down the darkened hallway. You remained quiet at his side, focusing on keeping up with his quick pace. Your heart thundered in your chest as the continued sound of gunfire and screaming echoed behind you. You tried not to think of the potential massacre that could be unfolding; you weren't capable of doing anything to stop it other than finding a phone to call 911. You didn't even known how far the nearest station was. 

As you neared the end of the hall Kylo's fingers curled tightly into your side, calling your attention, "We're going back to the room. Do _not_ make a sound, and you do everything I tell you to. If I tell you to run, you fucking run and do not look back. If anything happens to me focus on getting out. Go to the woods and wait it out if you have to. Do you understand me?" Seeing the urgency in his gaze, you nodded hastily, knowing it wasn't the time to argue and not fully processing in the moment what he was trying to prepare you for. 

Nodding in return, he twisted open the door blocking your path to reveal a stairwell. It was just as shadowy as the hallway, and if you had to guess was for service purposes rather than guests. It was all concrete, windowless, and smelled faintly of cleaning supplies. 

The two of you climbed the stairs as quickly as possible. A few times he would pull you to a stop, listening for several long moments before moving on. You had no idea what he was listening or looking for, but there was a confidence in the way he moved that made you certain this was far from his first time being caught in a situation like this. You weren't sure how to feel about that. Ben would have been as out of place in this world as you were...but Kylo was all but born for it. 

Slightly out of breath by the time you reached the top floor Kylo slowly pulled open the heavy metal door, checking the hallway before releasing your waist. Grabbing your hand instead he pulled you along behind him. You realized quickly that you were only a few doors down from the room Kylo had brought you to earlier. 

Sliding the keycard in the double doors again he quickly ushered you inside before shutting and locking the door behind you. "Go change. Bring your coat but leave your bag. Get your phone and a charger if you have one." he instructed in a low tone, crossing the room in a few short strides. You watched, distracted as he seemingly tapped the wall with his fingers, but it parted beneath his touch like sliding doors, revealing a small closet full of weapons and supplies. He grabbed a black backpack from the floor and began loading it up. "Y/N. Move. We don't have time." He called over his shoulder, making you jump. 

Shaking away your curiosity and shock you quickly jogged into the bathroom where you'd left your bag. You slipped out of the dress in record time - the zipper was an unfortunate casualty - and changed back into your clothes from earlier. Following Kylo's directions you grabbed your phone and charger and slipped them into the pocket of your jacket before returning to the suite. 

Though you'd only been gone for what you estimated as less than two minutes, he'd gotten considerably more accomplished. He'd changed back into his more casual clothes as well. The black backpack you'd seen him packing was slung over his shoulders, and he held a second out to you. An assaults rifle was slung over his shoulder, the handgun from earlier tucked in a holster on his thigh. He looked ready for war. 

Jaw dropping slightly, you hesitated long enough for him to grow impatient. He helped you shrug on the backpack before grabbing the zipper of your jacket and pulling it up. His fingers gripping your chin tightly finally pulled you from your shaken stupor, "Focus. We need to get out of here. I don't have time to teach you to fire a gun without getting yourself killed," reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a taser and pushed it into your hands, "Do you know how to use one?" 

Forcing yourself to grip the handle tightly you offered a nod, still trying to battle the bizarreness of seeing Ben like this, "I know what to do. But what's going on? Why would someone attack a charity ball?" 

Shaking his head Kylo grabbed your free hand and pulled you along behind him again, "I have my suspicions but we're not going to wait around to see if they're right." Drawing his gun he pulled open the door again, surveying the hallway before leading you out again. 

Keeping the taser clutched tightly in your hand you followed him as quietly as possible, the quiet press of your boots against the carpet the only immediate sound. You could still hear the occasional distant firing of a gun or a shout, but you were willing to bet you were too far from the banquet hall to hear any noise. Which possibly meant whoever had invaded the resort was slowly making their way upwards. Looking for Kylo? 

You followed him back to the service stairwell, burning to ask the dozens of questions that were churning in your head. You knew it wasn't the time, but focusing on the possible theories gave you something else to focus on other than the pure terror pounding in your veins. 

When you stepped on to the landing for the 3rd floor your lips parted, the question he'd told you not to ask already on your lips but he shoved you roughly towards the door. You managed to catch yourself against the frame with your hands before you could fall. "Go! NOW!" Kylo snarled at you as a bullet hit the cement wall about a half dozen feet from your **head**. 

The deafening fire of bullets made you scream as you yanked open the door, but you looked back, sickened at the idea of leaving him behind. He aimed his gun over the railing and fired off a round. It was followed closely by what sounded like something splattering on the walls and something heavy hitting the floor. Answering gunfire filled the stairwell as he glanced towards you, eyes alight with fury and adrenaline, "I said _GO_!" 

Almost as terrified of him as you were what was coming you shut the door behind you, trying not to think about the echoing gunfire. You knew this was Kylo's world, but all you could think about was leaving Ben behind. 

A noise further up the hall pulled you from your thoughts. Hearing the low murmur of voices you quickly ducked behind the wall of a nearby entrance to another room. It could have been other guests, but there was something about the slow, deliberate progress down the hallway that made you certain it wasn't anything innocent. 

You could feel your palms growing damp, sliding on the handle of the taser. You could feel your heart hammering in your ears as you struggled to control your breathing. Planting your feet you prepared to go on the defensive, the self defense classes you'd taken at Ben's insistence running through your mind. 

The barrel of a gun was the first thing to appear at the edge of the wall, followed closely by a black gloved hand. Boots. Finally a burly man in all black - mask included - edged past your hiding spot, his gaze focused on the stairwell. With the gunfire he must have assumed the hallway was clear. Unless Kylo had moved he was completely uncovered from that door. 

Waiting until he was several steps past the doorway where you were pressed against the wall you quietly shadowed his steps. He started to turn when you were close, perhaps hearing you, but he was a moment too late. Raising the taser you brought it straight to the side of his neck, pressing down on the button to fire the current. You watched wide eyed as his body convulsed violently before dropping to the ground. He appeared unconscious, but his limbs still twitched. Swallowing hard, you kicked his fallen gun away from from his hand just in case. 

"Impressive. Now drop the fucking taser and put your hands up, nice and slow." 

You froze at the unfamiliar voice behind you; in your haste to protect Kylo you hadn't looked back up the hall to see if the man now lying in a heap on the ground was alone. Feeling the cold, blunt prod of a gun against your back you dropped the taser, watching it clatter to the floor before raising your hands in surrender. Sneaking up on someone was one thing, but you knew you didn't stand a chance of doing anything before you ended up with a bullet through your spine. 

A gloved hand gripped your wrist, jerking and twisting it painfully behind your back before slamming you into the wall chest first. You bit your lip to keep from crying out as you felt the man behind you lean in, trapping you between the wall and his body. A hand appeared in front of you, brushing your hair back, despite your efforts to jerk your head away, "He was right, you _are_ a pretty little thing, aren't you?" he taunted with a chuckle. 

You heard the sound of a zipper before you felt plastic against your captured wrist, and his other hand pulling your free one behind you, "You're coming with m-"

The quiet creak of a door was your only warning before yet another gunshot sounded, this one so close it made your ears ring. But you didn't feel any pain; it hadn't been the man behind you. For a second his weight fell against you before he fell to the side, releasing you completely. When you looked down you found him lying dead, a bullet having entered the side of his head. His eyes were wide and glassy, as if he hadn't been able to believe what was happening. 

Turning in the other direction you found Kylo approaching, looking tired but otherwise unharmed. He glanced down at the man on the floor before picking up the taser and holding it out to you, "Good girl. Let's go." He raised his gun again, you managed to turn away just before he fired a bullet into the unconscious man's skull. 

Grabbing your hand he pulled you along again at a jog, not sparring either body another glimpse. Your stomach churned with fear and nausea. Logically you knew there was a risk of the man waking up and coming to find you if Kylo had left him alive, but you'd just watched your husband unblinkingly murder two people. Logic wasn't really your first thought. 

At the end of the hall much like the other floors it split in two directions. The elevator on one side, the stairs on the other. Kylo paused, listening again, pulling you to a stop when you took a step towards the stairs. 

The stairwell door suddenly flew open, two more masked men appearing with their guns drawn. Before you could blink Kylo's arm was around your torso, jerking you backwards. You heard bullets fire, hitting the walls, but you miraculously ended up against the wall unharmed, Kylo in front of you. Charging forward he fired off another round of bullets and you heard two more bodies hit the floor. 

You heard the stairwell door open again but it closed shortly after. A moment later Kylo was around the corner again, looking you over before gripping your shoulders, "You okay?" he asked quietly, concern knitting his brows together. 

Unable to form coherent words you nodded, trying to will your shaking hands to be still. You wondered if Kylo had any idea how many men had stormed the hotel. How many more guns stood between you and escape? 

Before you could manage to ask if he was okay, he was towing you behind him again to the stairs. Even though the gunmen seemed to be using the stairwells you understood why the elevator wasn't an option. Too many unknowns, and if it opened unexpectedly you were sitting ducks. 

This time you both moved quicker than ever, knowing now that you'd lost the element of surprise. This time Kylo took you down to what appeared to be the ground or basement level rather than getting off on the first floor where the attack had first broken out. Now closer to the ballroom you could hear yelling. Screams for help. The occasional fire of a gun. You hoped the police were on their way; surely someone had called 911 by now? To be safe you reached for your pocket for yours but Kylo suddenly yanking you to his side distracted you. To steady yourself as he pulled open the door - mercifully this one led directly outside, a blast of freezing air blew in as he looked over the darkened lawn - your hand landed on his side. When you drew your hand back you realized it was warm and wet with blood. Looking down in alarm you could just make out the rip in his jacket from the bullet hole in his side. 

"Ben..." The name escaped before you could give it a second thought. You couldn't help it. In that moment the line between the two had never been more **non-existent**. Because if Kylo died, so did Ben. 

Much to your surprise his gaze found yours in an instant, his hand capturing your chin ruthlessly, "I don't care if I'm on my deathbed, don't _ever_ call me by that fucking name again." He murmured darkly before ushering you out the door. 

"It's not going to matter what I call you if you bleed to death!" you hissed back, trying to keep your voice down as he led you around the side of the building. You could just make out the ski lift ahead of you, the distant glow of lights from the front of the lodge. You had to be close to the car now. 

You could almost hear his eyes roll in the darkness, but you couldn't help notice he'd slowed. He was leaning on you rather than leading; you had no idea how bad he was hurt or how much blood he'd lost but it was quickly catching up with him. "I've survived worse. We're almost to the car. Keys are in my right pocket." he breathed. It took you a moment to realize he wanted you to retrieve them. A necessity considering he didn't have a free hand. 

Unzipping the pocket of his jacket you dug around until you found his keys, keeping them securely held in your free hand. You doubted the taser would do much more good out in the open like this, but you refused to part with it. It had been the only means of saving Kylo's life earlier. 

Not that it was doing much good now. 

By the time you stepped off of the snowy lawn on to the salted tarmac his breathing sounded strained. Labored. His skin growing paler by the moment. Seeing the glint of his Porsche only a handful of yards away you breathed a quiet sigh of relief, "We should call the police, just in case someone hasn't already." It still sickened you to think of the untold bloodshed that might have occurred. You prayed the gunshots had been for show, or maybe a warning, but you weren't naïve enough to fully convince yourself. 

"The panic button was activated already, the authorities should be here in less than five minutes." He grunted in response, not bothering to explain how it was that he knew that. 

When you reached the car he immediately started towards the driver's side before you pulled him back, "Gaping wound, remember? You're not driving." You hoped he'd packed something in the backpacks that would help stave off the bleeding until you could get him to a hospital. Mirroring his actions from earlier you pulled his backpack off, careful not to disturb his side, "Do you have anything-"

"There's first aid supplies in yours and in the car. We can get them when we get to the safehouse. I can drive." He interrupted, managing to tug the keys from your hand and grab the backpack before moving to the trunk to toss it inside. You shrugged yours off and unzipped it, grabbing the first usable thing you could find - a black tee shirt - before tossing the bag in the trunk. He was leaning heavily against the car, refusing to admit weakness. When he noticed you studying him he shot you a sideways grin that faded quickly, "Careful, little wife. I might start to think you care." 

"Shut the hell up and get in the car." You replied dryly, pressing the lid to the trunk down before trying to push him in the direction of the passenger's seat. It was times like these you wished you'd fallen in love with a more petite man. Trying to bully him into anything was like trying to dent an iron beam. Sighing in frustration you pushed the shirt into his hands, "Would you stop being such a stubborn assh-"

" _There they are_!" 

A shout from the main deck of the lodge turned your blood to ice. A single glance at Kylo settled the argument; the keys were in your hand and you were closer to the door. "Move!" he hissed, both of you tearing away from the back of the car and flinging yourselves inside just before the first bullet struck the pavement in front of the car. 

Jamming the key in the ignition you turned it, the engine roaring to life. Turning on the headlights you could see at least half a dozen gunmen running from the steps of the lodge with more coming around the opposite side of the building you'd come from. Throwing the gearshift in reverse you narrowly avoided taking out more than one other car as you slammed your foot on the gas. You might have escaping faster if you'd risked driving on the lawn but you didn't trust a Porsche on soft terrain. 

The moment you had room you shifted again and peeled out of the small lot, the tires spinning slightly before rocketing down the long driveway. You heard a few more shots follow you, but it didn't sound like they were anywhere close. Unfortunately, you'd also seen a line of SUVs parked and ready near the entrance. You seriously doubted they would let you go so easily. 

"Keep pressure on your side, we need to find a hospital." You said tersely as you navigated the narrow road. You remembered the sharp turn at the bottom of the driveway so you slowed down when you reached the bottom of the hill. Trying to split your racing thoughts between the road and his wound was giving you a migraine. 

As you took the turn out on to the main road about twenty miles faster than you ordinarily would have - both of you leaning with the jerk of the wheel - you saw him wince in pain as he pressed the shirt to his side, "No hospitals. I'll give you directions just keep driving." Seeing you were about to argue with him he shot you a weary look, "Those guys aren't worried about witnesses, as you just saw. If we even make it to a hospital they'll be right behind us."

You cursed under your breath as you pressed down harder on the accelerator, hating taking the curves at such a dangerous speed but knowing you didn't have a choice. You'd seen the flash of headlights behind you as the gunmen pursued you. Your knuckles were white on the steering wheel with stress; Kylo may have been right, but what the hell were you supposed to do to keep him alive? 

"The bullet passed through. I'll live." he breathed, seemingly guessing the direction of your thoughts Though for someone confident of his health, he looked much less put together than he sounded. The rapid rise and fall of his chest was more than just a little concerning. 

You stole another glance in his direction, itching to do something more to help him, "How do you know?" He hadn't exactly had time to stop and examine his wounds. You weren't sure but you assumed he'd been hit back on the third floor when the gunmen ambushed you by the elevator. When he pulled you away... "You saved my life." Understatement of the year. He'd done that several times over the last hour, but he'd more than likely taken a bullet for you. 

"I know you've never been shot before sweetheart so believe me when I tell you that you fucking know how many wounds you have." Kylo sniped sarcastically, ignoring your revelation, his gaze drifting from you to the rearview mirror. The occasional blink of light told you the gunmen were still in pursuit and getting closer. You tried to remember how long it would take to get back to the highway where you could actually speed up. The SUVs you'd seen parked didn't stand a chance of catching up once you did. "Speed up." 

Following his guidance and ignoring the pit in your stomach you watched the speedometer inch upwards as you took a particularly sharp curve so fast the view out of the windshield looked like something from a video game. It wasn't lost on you that you could just as easily die wrapping around a tree as you could a bullet to the head. 

The road leveled out somewhat after the curve, which was both a blessing and a curse. You continued to speed up, but you could now clearly see at least three sets of headlights in the rearview mirror, getting closer every second. Apparently they didn't have your same qualms about death by trees. 

You glanced towards Kylo as one of them got uncomfortably close, but he was in the process of opening and leaning out his window. Your calls for him to stop fell on deaf ears as he drew his gun, firing a single shot. You saw the SUV suddenly swerve violently to the left off the road and down the hill, smashing into the undergrowth with a crash so loud you could hear it even as you sped away. Settling back in his seat and closing the window he glanced towards you, noting your shock with a domineering glare, "Don't make me tell you to keep your eyes on the road again." 

Gulping, you returned your gaze to the slick road, shoving aside about a dozen forbidden thoughts you were going to have to deal with at some point. 

The roads were mercifully salted and relatively clear so you didn't have to worry about snow or ice, but a third and fourth pair of headlights had joined the chase behind you, driving in both lanes of the restricted road. 

"The road is getting ready to curve again. Two sharp lefts and then a right. At the right slam the breaks for a _second_ and then floor it." He instructed calmly beside you, eyes never leaving the mirrors he was monitoring. You wondered if he really did feel this nonchalantly about people trying to kill him or if it was for your benefit. Maybe some combination of the two. You couldn't help but think it wasn't so unlike Ben. Granted he'd never been in a high speed chase, but he was always calm in a crisis. 

Nodding and repeating his directions in your head, you let off the gas a little as you approached the first curve. Knowing the direction to turn may have saved your lives. This curve, unlike the others, was bordered by the sheer face of the mountain one side and a drop to the unknown on the other. While you and the majority of the SUVs managed to make the turn, one of them careened into the mountain before rebounded and skidding to the other side of the road, hitting the guard rail, and disappearing. 

You could feel Kylo's grim, fleeting smile. 

You took the second curve much the same as the first. There were a few squeals of breaks but the remaining SUVs managed to make it as well, quickly speeding after you once clear of the danger. 

As you approached the final curve you sucked in a steadying breath, waiting until you had just started to round the curve to slam on the breaks. The tires squealed in protest, both at the breaks and again when you stomped on the gas. But it had worked seamlessly. Two of the SUVs slammed on their breaks in reaction, the first colliding into the back of the second and sending it straight into the side of the mountain. The sound of crunching metal echoed through the air. Before you completely rounded the corner you stole a glance in the mirror, seeing the once imposing car looking like little more than a smoking, crushed tin can. 

You startled when Kylo's hand appeared on your thigh, squeezing approvingly. If you weren't so relieved to still feel strength in his hands his touch might have been the distraction to send _your_ car sailing into the rocks. "Good girl." 

"Your idea," you congratulated breathlessly, risking a glance at him. He was still pale and looked worn, but he was at least conscious and alert, "How's your side? Keep talking, you need to stay awake." For a multitude of reasons. You weren't in the position to keep pressure on the wound, and he was the only one who knew where you were going. Your phone was in your pocket, but you doubted he was leading you anywhere you could _Google_. 

His hand slid down to your knee, trying to reassure you. Or maybe copping a feel in case he kicked the bucket. Who knew? "I'll live." he repeated. "We're about seven miles out from the highway. Once we get there take a right and we have a solid thirty miles, the second we're there floor it." 

You nodded again, reassured that he had a plan. It still made you edgy to see the remaining two SUVs tailing closely behind the Porsche. The road had prevented them from getting too close, but the thought of the open highway intimidated you. If they got close enough you knew they were armed and ready to kill. 

"Stay calm baby, you're doing well." He murmured beside you, feeling the tension in your leg. 

Easier said than done. As you began to see the open expanse of the highway approaching one of the SUVs behind you suddenly veered off to the right. There must have been a road there you hadn't seen because it didn't crash, instead you watched the taillights vanish into the darkness. Your brows knit together; why would they have gone off on a side road? 

Not having the time or ability to check for oncoming traffic you swerved on to the highway with another screech of tires, breathing a sigh of relief when you realized it was abandoned. Avoiding the guardrail separating the two stretches of highway you stepped on the gas again. The SUV behind you did the same, though it didn't have the acceleration abilities the Porsche did. 

You almost gave way to a flood of relief when the second SUV slammed into the side of the Porsche. 

Your scream rebounded off the interior of the car as you fought to keep control and stay on the road. The SUV had come out of nowhere. Even Kylo looked stunned, though his gun was already held at the ready. You spared a glance to the side, seeing the black-masked driver of the SUV nearly caught up. 

Kylo's window rolled down again and he aimed a shot at the SUV that made them back off, hanging out in the Porsche's blindspot as you continued to race down the highway. The distraction had given the other SUV time to catch up so they now sped side by side towards you. You watched as one of the gunmen leaned out the window as Kylo had done earlier, firing off a few shots. Another scream stalled in your throat as bullets hit the back window, but the glass didn't shatter. 

You'd never been more thankful for bulletproof glass. 

Seeing the lack of effect the gunman began aiming for your tires. You sped up and tried to move around so he couldn't predict your patterns. Kylo moved to lean out again but a bullet whizzing by his head had him leaning back, "Fuck!" 

The SUVs were slowly gaining. You couldn't be certain but it seemed like the car had sustained some damage when it was struck by the SUV; when you tried to accelerate past 90 the frame shuddered violently, making you hesitant to keep pushing your luck. 

Glancing at Kylo again you felt your heart skip a beat. He was as pale as death, clearly exhausted. He'd stopped putting pressure on the wound, and in his efforts to fend off the gunmen you feared he'd only made the bleeding worse. He leaned heavily against his door, the hand holding his gun shaking with effort. Behind you the gunshots were growing louder and more incessant. 

Oddly enough you found yourself reminded of that day in the hospital when you'd clung to Ben's hand. Unsure of everything, terrified, and about to break. But there was one thought that kept you from letting the waves pull you under, both then and now. 

_Ben Solo is not dying today._

Watching the two SUVs in the mirror you noted - just as you had when you slammed on your breaks around that curve - they were nearly copying your movements. Thinking fast you looked around. Natural resources - well, and Kylo's gun - had taken out the others. The far side of the road wasn't nearly as steep or wooded as the back road had been, if you managed to force either of them off chances are they would survive it and come right back. 

But the side closer to you, the side with the guardrail...that was a different story. 

You let off the gas just enough to let them get closer, ignoring Kylo's alarmed glance in your direction. You shifted sharply to the right, and as you hoped both SUVs moved to the left side, gaining again. The first sped up quicker, you could just make out the driver raising his gun to fire at you when you slowed down a little more so you were at the rear of the SUV. Jerking the wheel first to the right to swerve out and then back to the left you slammed your foot on the gas, ramming into the back tire of the SUV. 

The SUV turned violently to the left before the tires left the ground altogether, the massive metal frame turning through the air and beginning to roll. Miraculously straight into the other SUV, sending them both flying into the guardrail with a sickening crash. You doubted the impact killed all the gunmen, but the cars from what you could see, were completely incapacitated. 

You let out a stunned breath, still in a state of disbelief it worked as you sped off. _Holy shit_. 

"Wow." Kylo breathed beside you. You glanced over to him just in time to see his proud, approving half-smile before he passed out. 

******************

**(** a/n **)**

there you have it! next chapter will be longer, painful as hell, and may or may not include smutty smut. 

please, please, please comment/vote! I love hearing from you guys!

thank you for reading! <3


	6. Envy

**_TWs_** ; _blood, description of wounds and medical care, violence, death, dub-con, smut. there's a lot of heated arguments/raw emotion and Kylo is manipulative AF in this chapter, prepare yourselves._

** Before  **

_"You look a million miles away."_

_A voice behind you startled you from the mundane task of washing dishes at the kitchen sink. You'd been absently staring out the window at the sprawling lawn of Han and Leia's home, wondering what it must have been like for Ben to grow up there. There was a wooden frame near the edge of the woods that appeared to have once been a swing set, but you couldn't be sure. Ben didn't speak often about his childhood; what he'd told you so far, and what you'd just witnessed having lunch with he and his parents told you it was far from uncomplicated._

_Not that it was unexpected. He'd been a bundle of nerves all week leading up to it. Though you were the one meeting his parents for the first time he was the one praying for the sudden onset of a stomach flu or a freak hurricane that would cancel the plans. You'd tried reminding him that it was just one meal and that_ **_you_ ** _weren't edgy at the thought of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Solo, nothing seemed to appease him. In the car on the way to their house he'd probably asked you a dozen times in half an hour if you were sure about meeting them. You'd actually begun to feel a little insecure, wondering if there was a reason why he didn't want his parents to meet you, but he'd quickly laid those fears to rest when he noticed your vulnerability. "It's not about you. Really. They'll love you. I just don't know what to do around them."_

_To you being uncomfortable with your parents was almost unimaginable. While your parents were a little eccentric they were also two of the most genuine people you'd ever known. Everyone was made to feel comfortable in their home. Your bedroom was still set up upstairs even though you hadn't lived with them for nearly two years. When you asked them what they were going to do with the space your mom had simply shrugged and told you they wouldn't do anything with it. They wanted you to know you always had a place with them, if you wanted or needed it. You'd told Ben that story when you gave him a tour of the house and he'd looked so genuinely confused it broke your heart._

_Unlike when Ben had met your parents and no one made it past the threshold without a hug or a handshake, when you arrived at Han and Leia's they both looked nearly as off kilter as Ben did. They were welcoming and polite, but all three of them acted like they were waiting for a bomb to detonate. The first half of the meal had passed in complete awkward silence; the second you had attempted to make conversation by telling them how proud you were of Ben for making the dean's list again that semester and it somehow spiraled into Han going off on a tangent about how it had been important for him to make a living while Ben was growing up so 'excuse him' if he missed a few school plays and Ben telling him to leave the table before he embarrassed him in his own house. The two of them, glaring furiously at one another, had gone upstairs to Han's office, leaving you and Leia at the table. She'd tried making small talk with you as a distraction, but you told her to go join her husband and son and you would take care of cleaning up. After squeezing your arm gratefully she'd done just that._

_It had taken several minutes but you'd finally located everything you needed to do the dishes and pack away the leftovers. Awkward as the whole thing was, you were relieved to be in the kitchen rather than continuing to sit in the middle of whatever was going on between Ben and his parents. You'd only been dating for a few months, it didn't feel even remotely your place to be present for family dysfunction._

_You wondered if Leia's reappearance meant the conflict had been resolved, or she simply aimed to escape, too._

_Tucking the last dish in the dishwasher you dried your hands on a dish towel as you shut the door, nervous to be out of tasks to keep you busy. All the food was packed away, the table and countertops gleamed in the overhead light, the sink was empty and washed clean. You'd even swept the floor, trying and failing to ignore the frustrated muffled voices coming from upstairs. Giving Leia a sheepish look, you tucked the towel back on the rack on the stove, "That obvious, huh?"_

_"I don't blame you. If my first meeting with my boyfriend's parents had gone this poorly I probably would have been in the car. Maybe make a break for the bus stop when no one was looking." Her smile was warm and teasing, but also undeniably sad. Clearly she'd had higher hopes for how the afternoon would go. You couldn't help but notice that her relationship with Ben seemed a little less strained than the one he shared with his father. Still awkward but not quite as openly hostile. "I can only imagine what you must think."_

_You were relieved for her frankness; beating around the bush wasn't your thing, either. "I just met you guys an hour ago, it wouldn't be fair to have an opinion yet." It was mostly true. There was a small part of you, the part that thought Ben deserved the sun, moon, and stars that didn't understand why it seemed like his parents weren't_ **invested** _in him, but you meant it when you said it was too soon form an opinion._

_Leia studied you for a long moment, raising a brow. Maybe surprised, or skeptical? She wasn't the easiest person to read, and considering you barely knew her it was a bit of a mystery. Though it was endearing the see the same wrinkle between her brows that Ben had when he was concentrating on something. "It hasn't always been like this," she said after a few quiet moments, stepping around you to open one of the overhead cabinets. She grabbed a ceramic container and pulled it down, revealing a small collection of tea bags that she offered to you. More out of politeness than desire you selected a green tea that looked promising. "When Ben was younger we were closer. I blame myself for the distance, we asked too much of him and didn't do enough to make it right. He's always been mature for his age, it made it easy to forget sometimes he was a kid. Even though he's a man now it doesn't erase that."_

_You got the feeling Leia wasn't referring to expecting too much where grades or behavior were concerned, but you didn't want to push too hard. Watching her fill the teapot with water, instead you settled for a less invasive question, "Do you think he expects you to? Make it right, try to erase it?"_

_"Quite the contrary, I think that's the problem. Ben is nothing if not pragmatic. You can fix the past any more than you can change it. And Han..." she paused as she fished two mugs out of another cabinet, handing one to you before gesturing to the sugar jar on the counter, "God knows I love him, but he has a lot of pride. Doesn't do well with people being disappointed in him."_

_While Ben had never phrased it that way, you could see what she was talking about - in both Ben and Han - in their reactions at the table earlier. "I know I haven't known your son that long, but it's been more than long enough to see how good he is. Forgiving, too. Fair enough to hear someone out if they made a mistake and wanted to make it right with him."_

_The hiss of the kettle made you both jump, each so wrapped up in thought. Working in silence for a few moments she pulled the kettle off the stove and filled each of your mugs. Watching her tea begin to steep, she gave you a knowing smile, "You love him." It wasn't a question._

_You almost denied it - almost. But the words died on your lips. It wasn't that you hadn't been able to picture loving Ben. Really, who in their right mind could have dreamed of_ **_not_ ** _loving someone like him? But it had only been a few months. You'd never been the type to fall in love quickly or easily. In fact, you weren't sure you would call any of your past relationships love to begin with. But you'd known from the day you met Ben that he was different._

**_Were_ ** _you in love with him?_

_"I know the look." Leia said by way of explanation, shrugging with a mischievous gleam in her eyes before she picked up her mug and gestured for you to follow her. Grabbing your own mug after discarding the tea bag and adding a scoop of sugar you trailed after her, following her through the kitchen to the living room and then out the sliding glass door that overlooked their few acres of land. It was a pretty sight with the rolling green hills and the forest off in the distance. There was a small pond at the edge of the property that Ben told you was man-made - a project between his dad and grandfather that had been meant to bond them but instead turned into a hole in the ground filled with store-bought fish and resentment. But it was peaceful all the same, removed from the main highway so it was silent save for the occasional call of a bird. If you weren't still completely lost in thought over Leia's revelation you might have enjoyed it more. "Ben would kill me if he knew I put you on the spot like that." She added after a few too many beats of silence, though she didn't look particularly worried. Though Han seemed the more vocal of the two of them, Leia was the one you suspected had the kind of strength to endure more than her share._

_Trying to shake off your shock you gave her a weak smile, "Even if he knew you were right?" Who were you kidding? Of course you loved Ben. He confused the hell out of you simply because he was so unlike other people and he had a way of getting under your skin the way no one - save for a few close friends - could because he saw through your walls. And irritatingly your bullshit, too._

_" **Especially** if he knew I was right." Leia agreed, laughing softly into her mug before taking a long sip. When she looked back at you there was so much sadness and regret in her eyes it almost made you choke up. "Don't make the same mistakes I did. He's a special person, my son. The kind worth dying for." _

_**********_

_By the time Ben came to find you a little later you and Leia hadn't said much else to one another, but the silence hadn't been uncomfortable. Instead, it was almost like your way of embracing one another. Noting the pained look in his eyes you didn't stay long after that. Han never made a reappearance. Ben's goodbye to his mom was short and awkward as their greeting had been._

_When you thanked her for her hospitality she surprised you by leaning in and hugging you, whispering quietly enough that Ben wouldn't hear as he waited for you by the door, "He's in love with you, too."_   
  


** After **

You had done some not-so-sane things in your life because Leia had been painfully right about you being in love with Ben Solo, but this was, by _far_ , at the top of the list.

As you sped away from the crash site it began to truly set in that you'd caused several injuries, and at least a few deaths over the last couple of hours. Logically you knew you were probably still in shock, but what truly haunted you was how _remorseless_ you felt. Of course you didn't want people to die, but you hadn't been the one to storm the lodge with guns. You hadn't set out to hurt or kill anyone. And if made to choose again between your and Kylo's lives and the lives of the men who'd launched such a ruthless attack you wouldn't do anything differently.

Except maybe find some way to avoid Kylo being shot.

Once you were sure you were no longer being followed you pulled the Porsche off the highway behind the cover of the trees so you could examine his wound and try and wake him up after passing out. You also pointedly refused to look at the damage to the once pristine car. Since you were both going to continue breathing you assumed Kylo would forgive you for the abuse.

Though the ashen color and coldness of his skin worried you when you checked on him, you were relieved to find his pulse a little faint but still strong. The tee shirt had done a decent job of staving off the bleeding, though his clothes were drenched. After digging around under his seat you were able to find the medical kit he'd been talking about. It was an understatement to call it an awkward job trying to clean and bandage the wound shifting around his massive frame in the small space, but whatever guilt you might have felt for the less-than-stellar patch job quickly vanished when you were stretched across him trying to place enough gauze on the exit wound - you also refused to think about how a few extra inches and instead of having an injured flank he might have a severed spine - you felt his hand first come to rest on your back, and then quickly drift down to squeeze your ass.

"You should wear jeans more often." He muttered tiredly, eyes drifting open just long enough to smirk at your stunned expression. If he hadn't just partially bled out you might have slapped him for being so cavalier about nearly being murdered. It hadn't escaped your notice how in control he'd been. Prepared. He'd faced God only knew how many gunmen alone while protecting you and somehow managed to escape with nothing more than what you hoped was a non-life threatening gunshot wound.

Once you finished up you managed to rouse him long enough to give you vague instructions on where he wanted you to go in lieu of a hospital. Tempted as you were to find the nearest emergency room anyway, you stuck to his plan. Much as you might hate it, this was his world. And you didn't want the deaths of innocent people on your conscience because you lead a band of pissed off criminals to their door.

Feeling reasonably confident that Kylo would be okay for the rest of the twenty mile plus drive to the address he'd given you, you climbed back in the driver's seat and continued down the pitch black highway. Since you weren't being pursued anymore and the roads were considerably less tended to you slowed down to a safer speed. You kept the heat going strong, trying to keep him warm, and checked his pulse every few minutes. You just hoped he was right about whatever plan he'd devised before losing consciousness.

****************

What felt like a lifetime later, you pulled up to a small, snow covered cabin. It appeared not to have been used in some time, at least from the outside. The lawn, before the snow, had clearly been overgrown. Two of the shutters were hanging off the side of the house by a hinge. A small pane of glass on the front door was broken, though by what you couldn't be sure.

You glanced over at Kylo, still unconscious, wondering why he lead you from a five star resort to the middle of nowhere.

Sighing, you shut off the engine, your mind already spinning with attempts to come up with a plan. His wishes or not, if Kylo wasn't awake soon you were taking him to a hospital. You couldn't just let him die because of the potential risks. Besides, you felt it safe to assume if the men who'd been trying to kill you earlier had any idea where you were they already would have shown up.

Climbing out of the car you shivered at the sharpness of the frigid wind biting at your skin. Now further into the mountains the temperature had dropped considerably. If you weren't concerned about not having the gas to make it back to civilization you might have just opted to stay in the car. Judging by the looks of the cabin whether or not it had electricity was questionable at best.

As were your chances of getting his massive frame from the car to the cabin.

Pulling your jacket tighter around you, you looked around, trying to come up with a plan. Even if you pulled the car up to the door, you would still be faced with getting him inside.

The answer to your desperation came, both exasperatingly and amusingly, in the form of a wheelbarrow propped up against the side of the cabin.

***************

After clearing the wheelbarrow of snow, you made one last attempt to wake Kylo, but even after vigorously shaking his shoulder and tossing some cold water from your forgotten bottle he remained unconscious.

The wheelbarrow it was.

It was a long and awkward process pulling his motionless body from the car to the wheelbarrow without disturbing his injuries. By the time you managed to get him settled you were out of breath and cursing yourself for not lifting more weights at the gym.

Even though having a wheel definitely made moving him easier than dragging him would have been, it was still a considerable effort to push him from the car to the door of the cabin. It had been locked, but the conveniently placed broken glass allowed you to slip your hand through and turn the deadbolt. With some careful maneuvering you managed to get the wheelbarrow through the door, only to realize the inside was hardly in the better shape.

The interior was an open floor plan, dominated mostly by a small living space with only just enough room for a couch and armchair. The kitchen looked efficient but without power - you checked - it didn't serve much of a purpose. Beyond the open area was a little bedroom completely devoid of furniture and a broom closet of a bathroom.

But, it was at least more spacious than the car and warmer than the outside. And the small fireplace in front of the couch went a long way in putting out heat once you got some logs stacked in the grate and lit with the matches someone helpfully left behind.

Another struggle ensued as you somehow managed to maneuver Kylo on to the couch, though you had to prop his feet up on the arm considering his height. You were reminded so painfully of your and Ben's first furniture shopping trip when you realized your days of buying normal sized pieces were over, the laughs you'd shared when he overturned a chair and ended up on his ass in the middle of the showroom...the sharp stab of grief took your breath away.

Instead of allowing yourself to wallow you set to work immediately. You returned to the car and grabbed both the backpacks and the extra medical supplies, trying not to think about the array of weaponry that might be hidden in the bags. A quick search of the cabin led you to some blankets, a few cans of non perishables, a case of half frozen water bottles, and three bottles of vodka you ached to reach for but left on the kitchen counter. You could drown your nerves after you made sure Kylo was going to survive the night.

With Kylo on the couch it was significantly easier to treat his wounds. Thankfully he'd been right about the bullet passing through his side, so even though he'd suffered a good deal of blood loss the bullet wouldn't have to be removed and you assumed you would know by now if it had hit any major organs or arteries. You cleaned the wounds and set to work stitching them up with the help of Googled videos on your phone. It was far from fool proof and you had to stop more than once to convince yourself you were _not_ going to throw up, but by the time you finished it looked exactly the way it did in the videos and pictures. You bandaged both wounds and then wrapped two of the blankets around him, glad to see a little color returning to his cheeks in the warmth.

Once you had done all you could for him, you pulled the armchair to sit by the edge of the couch where his head was resting on a throw pillow and settled in underneath one of the blankets.

Aside from checking his pulse and breathing every few minutes there was little for you to do. Your phone was beginning to run low on battery and you didn't want to use it up pursuing the internet out of boredom.

Without anything else to do your mind began to wonder, replying the events of the day. How had it been possible that the morning began with a road trip with Kylo? Your deal to give one another 48 hours of time - without being able to say no - felt a universe away.

You had to wonder now that you had seen the realities of the life Kylo had chosen play out how much danger was he in on a daily basis? Did he routinely have people following him and trying to assassinate him? Did he have a hidden closet of assault weapons everywhere he went?

The shrill ring of a phone shocked you out of your tangled thoughts. Glancing down at the small side table where you'd left your phone and finding the screen black you realized it must be Kylo's.

Pushing off the chair you rose to your feet and padded down his leather jacket - ignoring the knife and handgun you found - until you located his phone in his side pocket. Pulling it out, you saw the name 'Snoke' flashing on the screen.

Fury, sudden, white hot, and consuming **boiled** in your veins. You'd neven even spoken a word to the man and you hated him. Hated him for pulling Kylo into his orbit. Endangering his life. Making him a target for the cops. This dangerous criminal who helped Kylo avoid who he really was a little more with each passing day. From what Finn and Rose had told you the man probably didn't even give a rat's ass about him. He just needed people to use and manipulate to get his dirty work done. Kylo...Ben, he was just a pawn in Snoke's game.

Perhaps it was that hatred that led you to answer the call.

But as you were lifting the phone to your ear a hand clamped over your mouth and jerked you down to your knees with surprising strength for a man who was recovering from gunshot wounds. Your head fell against his shoulder and he held you there tightly, a warning glare ready when you looked up at him. Ignoring your attempt to pry his hand away from your mouth, he snatched the phone from your grip with his other hand, bringing it to his own ear instead, "Sir."

" _Kylo_ ," you heard a leathery voice faintly mutter. Your eyes narrowed as you tried to wriggle away from Kylo's bruising grip but he didn't budge. Snoke continued talking but you were too distracted with Kylo mouthing ' _sit still'_ to you to pay attention.

Kylo, apparently able to multitask better than you, responded calmly. Were you not the one to treat the wounds you never would have known by the sound of his voice that he was injured, "Fine. Let the cops handle the clean up. I'll be back in a few days, let the heat die down a little."

" _Are you alone?"_

Kylo didn't hesitate, "Yes." His gaze shifted towards you again, demanding your continued silence. This time you obliged, beginning to realize there was a reason Kylo didn't want Snoke to know about you.

_"Good. Let me know when you're back. We need to meet."_

"Sir." Kylo repeated before hanging up. Sighing deeply, he gave you an exasperated look, "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to mess with things you don't understand?"

Considering his hand wasn't injured, you didn't feel even the _slightest_ bit of guilt about biting it as hard as you could.

With a loud curse he released you, glancing at the teeth marks on his skin before giving you an incredulous look, "Did you seriously just fucking bite me?"

"You're lucky that's all I did," you snarled back, climbing back to your feet and taking a few steps back. Not out of fear of what he might do to you, but what _you_ might do to _him_. You didn't go through all this just to end up burying him behind an abandoned cabin. "Do you have any idea what I've done today to keep you alive? The lines I've crossed all because _you_ insisted I come with you on this fun little getaway? Don't sit there and talk to me like I'm some ignorant child playing with a loaded gun!"

Though you could see the fire burning in his eyes, that desire to follow you and prove his 'alpha' status, he remained on the couch. He slowly rose to a sitting position, wincing slightly at the pain you were too angry to pity him for. "Ah, so now that you left your mundane little life for a few hours you're the expert? Forgive me, I missed the memo." His tone bled with sarcasm and irritation, clearly not finding your frustration with justified. Even injured and looking **up** at you for a change he was still so unapologetically arrogant.

"Sit down."

Your retort died off in an instant, disbelief temporarily flushing everything else out. He nodded his dead towards the armchair next to him, watching you expectantly. The way someone might a _dog_ who was refusing to obey.

Your agreement not to say no long forgotten - it became null and void in your mind the moment you had to watch _YouTube_ videos on stitching wounds - you crossed your arms, raising a brow, "Why don't you _make_ me, Kylo? That is your thing, right? Forcing people to do things they don't want to do and punishing them when they say no." Memories of the night before played through your mind. How had that only been 24 hours ago?

Rolling his eyes in response to your refusal he glanced up at the ceiling for a moment as if he needed to pray to a higher power for the patience to deal with you. "I know last night was difficult for us bot-"

" **Both**?" You interrupted, feeling your own impatience beginning to gnaw at you, "I'm sorry, it's so odd," you pretended to think for a moment, pressing your tongue to the inside of your cheek before shrugging and giving him a dry look, "I don't remember you sucking _my_ dick."

You knew before you even spoke arguing with him was only going to piss him off, and considering his health you probably should have shown more restraint, but you didn't have the energy to keep bottling up your raw emotions. You'd been through hell and back and back _again_ not just over the last few days but the last several months and you couldn't keep pretending that you were in any way, shape, or form content with the dynamic that was playing out in front of you.

You didn't sign on to be Kylo Ren's mob wife and dodge bullets and hide out in abandoned cabins. This wasn't the life you planned. _He_ wasn't Ben.

As if he'd somehow been able to hear your thoughts his eyes narrowed into an icy glare, "Were you always such a fucking brat with your precious _Ben_? My guess is not, I'm sure he let you walk all over him like the good little doormat he was." The disdain in his tone for the man you loved was enough to have you seeing red. The division between Kylo and Ben had never been more clear.

Now heedless of the distance you'd just forced yourself to put between you, you took a step closer, your hands moving down to your sides like _claws,_ "Now who's 'messing with things they don't understand'?" You questioned furiously, resisting the urge to do more than just fire words back at him. In some distant recess of your mind you knew this moment had been a long time coming; the moment when you both finally confronted one another with the harsh reality that you usually tiptoed around. There was only so much avoiding you could do, especially when you were in a life or death situation.

Kylo resented you because you wanted Ben more, rendering his promise to erase him from your mind an empty threat. And you resented him for not _being_ Ben, for not even trying to remember who he was before the accident.

"For fuck's sake, you don't even know who he was! You don't know what our relationship was like. And you can't seem to get it through your thick, stubborn, _asshole_ mind that I'm not going to stop loving my husband because it's _uncomfortable_ for you!" Your voice echoed loudly in the small space, unsettling even you with its ferocity. Maybe it was just the exhaustion and stress fueling you, but you couldn't stop yourself.

A moment of silence passed the two of you, the only sound coming from the crackling in the fireplace. The distant howl of wind outside. A chill passed through the room as the frigid air found the hole in the glass of the door, but it barely phased you. So caught up in the heat of the argument you doubted you would have noticed if you'd been plunged into the Artic.

"Have you ever considered maybe he didn't come back after that accident because that's not who I **really** am?" Kylo snarled back, the passionate resentment in his voice cutting through you deeper than any knife could have. The tension in the air palatable. You shook your head, about to cut him off again, but he reached out and caught your wrist to pull you to him again. Careless of his injury he tugged you down on the edge of the couch next to him, his hands sliding around your wrists like shackles, "If what you shared was life altering, why didn't he come back to you?" 

Admittedly, you'd asked yourself that question more than once. Even if logically you knew traumatic brain injuries weren't based in or out of emotion and the doctors had all assured you that loving someone didn't make a difference in the healing process, the less rational side of you wanted to believe that what you'd shared with Ben would be enough.

Shaking your head you tried unsuccessfully to pull away from him, groaning in frustration when he refused to let you go, "Maybe if you'd tried for a _second_ to remember it would have worked! But no, it was more important to run off and become best pals with the local crime boss so you could get shot at in your own damn hotel!"

Your eyes burned with unshed tears. This wasn't the direction you'd wanted this conversation to go in, and now that it had snowballed into something that had the power to tear you apart you would have given anything to go back and avoid it altogether. Ripping a gaping wound wide open with a man you didn't trust was far from the top of the list of ways you wanted to spend the evening.

But he was relentless. He knew he'd struck a cord, finally found something he could latch on to that you couldn't so easily deny or dismiss. He released one of your wrists so he could capture your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. The determination in his dark eyes was all the confirmation you needed that he wasn't planning on backing down, "Tonight scared you, and Ben is your safety net. But you're chasing a dream that doesn't exist anymore. You've been living on a pedestal you built for the two of you and your **untouchable** love but he's _gone_! It doesn't have anything to do with the dangers of my life or my unwillingness to look at years' worth of Facebook memories. Why can't you just stop fighting this?" He demanded, searching your expression in earnest.

His genuine confusion is what finally broke you. More than the anger and the fear and the resentment...the fact that he didn't understand why Ben, why _he_ was worth fighting for broke your heart. You did nothing to stop the tears now rolling down your cheeks, still resisting his hold but too damn tired to put any real effort behind your struggles, "Because I love him, okay? Why don't you get that? Why don't you get that he deserves to be fought for? I can't just flip a switch and forget. I miss him. I miss him so badly I can't fucking _breathe_." A sob bubbled up in your throat, and before you knew it the floodgates had burst open.

You tried again to move away from him but instead he pulled you forward, holding you tightly against his chest, his arms encircling you as another violent sob racked through your body.

Even though you were technically in his arms, you felt like you were _grieving_ for Ben.

****************

You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, unable to prevent the overwhelming tidal wave of emotion from consuming you. You'd long since stopped resisting his hold, instead collapsing into him once you were sure you weren't disturbing his injured side. In a rare show of tenderness he simply held you in silence, one hand rubbing your back soothingly.

You ended up on the couch with him, situated warmly between him and the back of the couch. Eventually, either from exhaustion or simply having the wild emotions out of your system it became easier to breathe and calm down. The tears finally ceased. You still felt raw from the argument with Kylo, his words still swirling around uncomfortably in the back of your mind, but you felt at least somewhat better knowing that you'd been equally as honest.

Even if it didn't change anything, help him remember, or make him realize you _couldn't_ forget Ben, there was some satisfaction to be drawn from knowing you hadn't backed down.

Kylo had been uncharacteristically quiet, too. You wondered if he was as lost in thought as you were. Had what you said resonated with him, or was he simply hesitant to do or say anything that might have made you more hysterical?

Though admittedly you were surprised at his willingness allow you as much time as you needed to be human. He hadn't struck you as the kind of man that stayed for tears and comfort. Not that he could have gotten up and left, but he could have just as easily told you to get your shit together.

Looking into the flames licking their way slowly across the logs in the fireplace, you finally raised your head from his chest, "You should be sleeping or something, not letting me blubber all over you." Though even as you said it you made no move to get up. Though you knew he wasn't Ben, you were still lying in his arms for the first time in months. It was selfish and fucked up but you would take whatever you could get.

"Letting you blubber isn't exactly strenuous activity." He reminded you, his tone dry but not unkind. Inclining his head, he pressed his lips to your forehead before swiping his thumb under your eye, brushing away a tear. Had it not been for Gretchen's earlier work with your makeup you probably would have looked like a drowned raccoon, but she'd assured you everything was waterproof.

Actually, she'd told you it was ' _fuck me into next week_ ' proof but you really didn't need to let your mind wander in that direction.

"Thank you, by the way." He murmured suddenly, his hand still tracing across your back. When he realized your confusion he shrugged, "For saving my life tonight. I know it came at no small cost."

It hadn't, but you both knew you'd never had a choice. Even if you absolutely _hated_ Kylo, you wouldn't have done anything different. Maybe been a little less gentle when schlepping him into the wheelbarrow, but you never would have let him die. It didn't hurt that you owed him your life, too. Not only had he saved you more than once, he'd taken a bullet protecting you.

Was it too much to hope that his act of selflessness was a sign that Ben was still in there? Would Kylo Ren have some done something so selfless on his own accord?

You copied his shrug, a hand moving up to his chest, playing absently with the loose zipper of his jacket, "Yeah, well, I sort of owed you one." Even if he'd been the one to bring you to the resort and the gunmen had been after him, he'd still gone to pretty extraordinary lengths to protect you. And it wasn't like he had any obligation to you. There was a world of difference between wanting to fuck someone and being willing to die for them.

"Maybe, but we both know that isn't why you fought so hard to keep me alive tonight." When you turned your head his hand almost immediately found its way to your cheek, guiding your gaze back to his. There was something in his eyes, some emotion that you weren't sure you'd ever seen before.

Envy.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy him. Your devotion, your loyalty is a rare thing." The intensity of his gaze left you resisting the urge to squirm. You were nowhere near ready to talk about Ben again. At least not with Kylo. It was all too fresh. But he wasn't letting you off the hook that easily. Just because he'd let you cry on his shoulder didn't mean he was going to drop the subject. "All that pain you feel. It doesn't have to be this way." he murmured, his thumb tracing delicately along the line of your cheekbone.

Suspicion and curiosity waged war within you. There was something enthralling about the way he studied you; the quiet tenor of his voice offering you an escape from the agony. Even if you were mistrustful of him and his intentions, it was impossible to look away. "What do you mean?"

His lips turned up at the corners of his mouth, pleased you were willing to play devil's advocate, if only for a moment. "You've done nothing since the accident but fight, and what do you have to show for it? A broken heart? Countless sleepless nights in a cold bed. You've done everything but crawl naked across broken glass for him, and if you thought for a second that would help you'd do it without a second thought." 

You weren't sure where he was going with his line of thinking, but you found yourself pushing harder against his grip. This time he let you sit up, not seeming to mind your need for space. What did he hope to gain by pointing out the futile nature of your efforts thus far? What good was there in reminding you that you had driven yourself into the ground for what had - so far at least - come to absolutely nothing?

Being careful not to touch his injuries or jostle him you climbed over him and retreated to the kitchen, your overwhelmed brain reminding you of the vodka you'd found earlier. You'd done your part, Kylo didn't need your constant supervision.

What's your point?" You called over your shoulder as you began searching the cabinets for glasses. The majority of them were completely empty save for an impressive amount of dust, but you finally managed to find a small stack of shrink wrapped plastic cups. You felt his gaze following you closely as you ripped into the plastic with perhaps more vigor than necessary. "I'm an idiot for fighting even though everyone else gave up months ago?" You guessed darkly, the rancor in your tone chilling even you.

Though you didn't exactly feel very generous with him at the moment, you still grabbed a second cup and returned to the living room with one of the bottles of vodka. Sitting everything down on the side table you poured yourself a shot, knocked it back, and then filled the other cup and wordlessly handed it to him. Your throat burned but you saved the brief flare of discomfort. Better to focus on that than the raging emotions threatening to drag you under.

Though he accepted the cup he didn't immediately take a drink, despite the fact that you'd already poured another measure of liquid freedom and polished most of it off, "You're not." he disagreed after a long beat of silence, gaze drifting briefly away from you to the fire as if considering his next words. "But aren't you tired of fighting a losing battle?"

"No, Kylo. This is the life I always dreamed of." you muttered bitterly before you drained the rest of your cup. In the back of your mind you knew how stupid, how foolish it was to drink so irresponsibly around a man who you knew you couldn't trust, but you were so damn _tired_ of always having to be so accountable.

Of, as he pointed out, fighting a never ending battle.

"Of course I'm tired, but what else am I supposed to do?" You eventually asked, hating how imploring you sounded. Like you were begging for an answer. Hating it or not, you would have done anything for answers. For someone to tell you what to do, where to go. How to stop waking up every day feeling like you were losing yourself as surely as you'd lost Ben.

Mid-pour of your third drink his hand appeared on your wrist. "You could let me take the pain away."

His touch was warm against your skin, calloused palm reminding you of nights spent in Ben's arms. Memories that were beginning to feel like they were from another life. Call it weakness, or loneliness, or the booze that had gone straight to your head but you didn't pull away. Even once you'd seen the intent in his eyes, you let his hand remain.

Swallowing, you set the cup and bottle down on the side table, not trusting your unsteady hands to hold them anymore. Heat, unwelcome or otherwise, burned low in your core. "You're hurt." You reminded him, your voice sounding unfamiliar even to you. What little remained of your self control was quickly fading, the idea of his rough possession no longer making you shy away; you _welcomed_ the idea of having the pain you clung to being ripped away.

Instead of answering you, he shifted, moving slowly but seemingly steadier than you felt. Keeping his grip on your wrist he rose to his feet, once again towering over you. "Stop worrying about me," he murmured quietly, turning you and pulling you back a step so your back met his chest. His other arm slid around you, first at your collarbone but drifting up to your throat, his fingers urging your head to the side. His head dipped down, lips hovering just above yours as he released your wrist and instead slid to your midsection, pushing the hem of your shirt out of the way. Your breath came shorter as he found the button of your jeans, undoing it before dipping his hand between your stomach and the waistband, moving torturously slow towards your pulsing heat.

"Stop thinking about _him_ ," he mumbled against your lips, his tongue ghosting across your lip before he closed the gap, lips melding against yours in a way that was both new and hauntingly familiar. Your hands moved to his arm resting against your hip as his hand continued it's slow exploration, but not to pull him away; you urged him on. Your mewl disguised against his mouth.

When his finger finally dipped into your delicate folds he groaned against you, "You're already so wet for me," he mumbled approvingly, savoring your need.

You hummed in agreement as his tongue eagerly explored your mouth, the hand against your throat tightening. One finger became two, creating the friction your body begged for. Unlike your thoughts which never allowed you a moment of peace, your body didn't know the difference. Didn't care.

This time, you listened to the sensations rather than the **guilt**.

"I need you," you moaned against him, breaking away to catch your breath. If someone had asked you who you were talking to - Ben or Kylo - you doubted you could have answered.

You turned to face him, temporarily forcing his hand away from your pussy so you could push his jacket from his shoulders. You needed to _feel_ him; every inch of his skin against your own. The already forgotten leather material slid to the floor at your feet, joined shortly - though more tenderly - by his shirt. You glanced down to his bandaged side, ignoring his council not to worry.

At least until his hand slid around to fist in your hair, tilting your head up so he could roughly reclaim your mouth. Without missing a beat his free hand pulled at your jacket until it slid off your shoulders, both of you seeing it go with the same lack of regret.

The moment his hand disappeared from your hair, both reappeared at the hem of your sweater, pulling it over your head and tossing it away. It nearly landed in the fireplace, but fell a few inches short to the floor. His eyes roamed over the lacy black strapless bra you'd put on to wear with the dress, gaze darkening with unyielding lust, "Remind me to give Gretchen a raise," he growled, yanking you back to him, his hair tickling your skin as he bent to bury his face in the swell of your breasts. Kissing your scorching skin, bringing a gasp from your lips at his sharp _bite_.

You fumbled with his belt, unbuckling it before moving to his jeans. As you unzipped the fabric you felt his iron hard length straining against the fabric of his solid black boxers. He stepped out of his jeans without even looking up. His hand slid up your back, unclasping your bra with the casual flick of his fingers.

Why was that so fucking sexy?

Stepping back he sank back on to the couch, leaning back against the cushions with his arms resting along the back. His gaze raked over you again, honing in on your jeans and boots, "Hot as you look in those boots, they're in the way."

Biting down on your lower lip, you turned to the armchair and raised your leg to rest your foot on the seat. Slowly, deliberately you slid the zipper down your leg, shifting your hair over your shoulder as you slid it off and repeated the process with your other boot.

He watched you the whole time, gaze so fixed on your you could feel his eyes boring into you as you set your other boot down. You reached for the zipper of your jeans next, looking up when he murmured your name, "Do it slowly."

You liked how _enraptured_ you had him. How much just watching you was getting him off. It had been too long since anyone - at least anyone significant - had looked at you that way. Made you feel desirous and wanted and beautiful. Having his eyes on you again, even if he wasn't **exactly** Ben was more addictive than any drug could have been.

Following his command you shimmied unhurriedly out of your jeans, working them down your legs with the gentle sway of your hips. You turned as you kicked them off, giving him an ample view of the black lace thing you had Gretchen to thank for again. "You should probably give her a promotion, too." You teased quietly, hiding a smirk at the low groan of appreciation that spilled from his lips.

"I'll buy her a fucking palace." He promised, his right hand beckoning you impatiently, uninterested in discussing his staff anymore, Come here, little wife."

You did. With slow, sly steps you closed the gap between you, pausing only to push your thong over your hips and let it join the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor. You bent gracefully to your knees in front of him, moving your hands to the waistband of his boxers, "Let me help you."

Just as unhesitatingly as you, he raised his hips just enough to allow you to slide his boxers down, his cock springing free, nearly curving to his navel.

Still on your knees you reached for him, letting your fingers run down his shaft from tip to base, feeling a jolt as your fingertips dampened with pre-cum. Wrapping your fingers more snugly around him you ran your hand along his impressive length, looking up at him to find his head tilted back, eyes closed in bliss at your touch.

Even exhausted and injured he was, for lack of a better word, _perfect_. He'd always been in shape, but the smooth, defined muscles in his thighs, abdomen, and arms could have been sculpted from ice. A few scars you didn't recognize decorated his otherwise peerless skin, though oddly it only added to his attractiveness.

"Fucking hell...just like that babygirl," he praised as you leaned forward, wrapping your lips around the head of his cock, swirling your tongue around the tip as you continued pumping your hand up and down his slick, bulging length.

His hand twined in your hair again, you thought to draw himself further into your mouth, but instead he pulled you back. Judging by the sweat beading in his forehead it took no small effort, "I want to come inside you," releasing your hair he patted his naked thigh, "Ride me. I want to watch you _scream_ for me."

Like a moth drawn to a flame, you stood no chance of refusal even if you'd wanted to. Rising back to your feet your hands found their way to his shoulders as you climbed on his lap to straddle him, your gazes never breaking apart as he guided himself to your aching entrance. You lowered yourself on to him, breathing hitching as your walls stretched to accommodate him.

"That's my girl," he mumbled, his tone raspy, low, and full of need as one hand fell to your hip, squeezing tightly, the other disappearing to find your throbbing clit again.

You rolled your hips with him, meeting his thrusts, desperate to feel him deeper. Your threw your head back in ecstasy as he rammed into your sweet spot, one hand moving from his shoulder to his hair. Gripping hard, and hanging on as you continued to ride him.

Showing no signs of injury he was relentless, driving into you, holding on to your hip with bruising force as you bounced on his lap. The sharp slap of his palm across your breast - right to your peaked nipple - was only a monetary shock before it made way for a flood of please that left you moaning.

He pulled you closer, head rising from the back of the couch to lick the sweat from your chest. "Please," you begged breathlessly, arching into him, careless of how absolutely _desperate_ you sounded, "Don't stop, Kylo. Please don't stop. Harder. Hurt me." Too delirious with want to care the implications of what you were asking for.

You caught sight of the ferocity in his eyes only a half second before his hands were under your thighs, picking you up effortlessly and dropping you roughly on the couch on your back.

You went without him for only a second before he plunged back into you with a deep groan, the brief burn of pain fueling you. Every thrust drove your grief further and further from your mind. He hovered over you, pressing into you, _consuming_ you from the inside out.

He pounded into your g-spot just as his teeth sank into your neck, the overwhelming pain and pleasure drawing a choked scream from your lips. His hands captured yours, slamming them on either side of your head. It rendered you practically immobile, but gave you something to hold on to. Flesh to dig your nails into.

You could feel yourself building with him, your mind a haze of nothing but the haze of pure need. He sounded nearly as out of breath as you, but he showed no signs of having been shot less than 8 hours before.

He hit his climax only seconds before you, his cock jerking inside you, filling you with _him_ , filling the void that had become your shadow. "Oh fuck, yes! **YES**!" You screamed, your toes curling, your fry of passion meeting and mixing with his indistinguishable moans of bliss against your neck.

In the afterglow it was all either of you could manage to collapse into one another, your sweat coated bodies providing more warmth than the fire or blankets ever could. You slid over so he could settle on his uninjured side before nestling into his arms.

He pulled one of the forgotten blankets over both of you. Both of your chests still heaved with rapid breath, but you couldn't remember ever feeling so completely sated before. Your head was swimming warmly with a mixture of endorphins and booze, and within seconds you could feel yourself drifting off. Especially when his hand it's way to the top of your head, stroking your sweat dampened hair back.

Your eyes were almost closed when you felt his lips at your ear. His arms wrapped snuggly around you just below your naked breasts, your arms folded over his, "It could be this good all the time. No more pain."

 _No more pain_....

*************

**(** Kylo **)**

She was so close to giving in. Closer than she knew. After torturing herself for so long it had been almost too easy to tempt her into lowering her inhibitions. The self control she'd shown over the last several months, he supposed, was impressive. But to him entirely useless.

He didn't want her wifely loyalty to her dead husband.

He wanted her. All of her. And the only way he was going to have it was if he drove Ben Solo not only from her mind, but her heart, too.

The vulnerability in her eyes just under the scrutiny of his gaze had told him more than words ever could have; she was tired of being alone. Broken from the pain. And fighting the war without the aid of anyone else who supposedly wanted Ben back had taken a toll.

She was his for the taking.

Pulling her closer to his chest and ignoring the flash of pain in his side, he murmured in her ear as she drifted off to sleep, "I'm what you need, little wife. You'll see."

***************

Far from the snow laden mountains, a man waited impatiently in the backseat of his car. His leg tapped nervously against the footboard, shaking the car just slightly enough to be noticeable.

The night had been a total failure. Worse than a failure; not only did he have to suffer the bitter defeat, but now his enemy would be on high alert. Angrier than ever.

He'd probably just woken a sleeping giant.

Well, not _he_ specifically. He hadn't been the one to botch the job. Renewed fury filled him as he watched who he'd once seen as his top guard slowly trudge towards his car. He had a pronounced limp, and even in dim light he could make out a poorly banged gash in the other man's forehead.

The lone survivor of the _two dozen_ men he sent to kill Kylo Ren.

Daniel opened the door opposite him and slowly slid in, trying to hide his wince of pain. He opened his mouth, no doubt ready with excuses, but he cut him off with a vicious, icy hiss, "You had one objective. One chance to take him out while he was out of town and had his guard down. What the fuck happened?"

Daniel flinched at his tone, but when he spoke his voice was steady, "He wasn't in the ballroom, even though our contact inside said he'd just come minutes before we did. He got a head start and he had time to arm himself. And..."

"And what?" He prompted furiously.

"The girl was with him. Helping him. One of my guys wounded him but she got him out, drove the car, too. I don't know how she fucking did it but she ran half our cars off the road. If he'd been working alone he would be dead." The explanation seemed to south Daniel, as if it excused his failure. And the defenses he'd triggered.

Tilting his head to the side, he reached slowly into his jacket pocket as he spoke, "So, my highly trained guards were rendered _useless_ because Ren had help from his whore?" Daniel's face paled when he realized the direction the conversation had taken. He opened his mouth again to defend himself, but he held up a silencing hand, "It's alright. I understand."

Shock played over Daniel's features. As if he couldn't quite believe his luck. In fact, his lips almost began to curve into a reassuring smile.

At least, until the blade of his knife met his throat.

Ignoring the choked gurgles, he leaned across the seat and murmured in Daniel's ear, "I understand now that you can't send a boy to do the job of a man." Slicing the dagger across Daniel's jugular he watched impassively as he desperately clutched at his throat, blood slipping through his fingers, life slipping away with every passing second.

By the time he finished wiping the blood from the knife on the hem of Daniel's coat, he was already dead.

"Let's go." He snapped at his driver, who kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road ahead.

 _So be it,_ he thought darkly, _she dies, too._

_**************** _

**(** a/n **)**

can we all just take a few moments to pray for Y/N's back? because after getting that tree trunk of a man into that wheelbarrow and pushing his ass into the cabin our girl ain't okay. _  
_

uh ohhhh.

please please please comment/vote and let me know what you thought? I'm but an awkward potato and writing smut is still pretty new to me, please forgive me 🥺

thank you so much for reading! until next time! <3


	7. Wayward

TWs; mentions of blood, wounds, and violence. mild smut. 

**(a/n);** y'all I really hate to have to put this note here, but a reminder that this is my original work. I have not given anyone the okay to use my ideas, plots, characterizations, specific dialogue, etc. so I don't expect to see them in other people's stories. in cases where I have gotten ideas from other sources (outside of the fact that this a fan fiction for the Star Wars series and I do not claim to own any rights, characters, dialogue, etc.) I have documented appropriately. I'm not going to call people out by name at this point, but it's not going unnoticed. please respect all authors/creators time, creativity, and hard work.

** Before **

_"Are you sure about this?" You asked, feeling uncharacteristically nervous as Ben turned into the small parking lot and found a spot near the unmarked door. He'd warned you beforehand the building looked sketchy from the outside, but promised what was on the inside was a secret worth keeping. But it wasn't really the location that had your stomach doing somersaults. _

_You were about to meet Ben's closest friends. A group of six he thought of as family. Brothers. He'd told you more than once he was closer to the 'Knights' - a nickname they'd created but he'd yet to explain - than his actual family. You'd met Han and Leia only a few weeks before, but his strained relationship with them had oddly taken a lot of pressure off you. You spent so much of that afternoon trying to make things okay for Ben and his parents you didn't have time to think about being nervous._

_This was **completely** different. Ben and his friends had known one another for years, most of them since middle school. Life had taken them in different directions once they graduated high school, but they made it a point to make time for each other. Ben had disappeared a few times since you'd known him under the guise of a 'guys' night'. Twice he'd come back drunk off his ass singing Bon Jovi outside your dorm room door, sending your RA into a fit of fury and desire. The others sober but visibly lighter, as if just being with them took the weight of the world off his shoulders. For that alone you knew how important they were to him, and you wanted them to like you. To feel like you were as good for Ben as he was for you. _

_You weren't convinced crashing their night was the way to go, but Ben was sure this was the perfect way to introduce you. And you didn't have the heart to rain on his excitement._

_"You're cute when you get all shy," he teased quietly, turning to face you. Noting your pout of displeasure he traced his finger along your jawline, sending a warm shiver across your skin. Sometimes all he had to do was look at you and were ready to fall apart yay his feet, "You have nothing to worry about. You're great, they're great. What's not to like?"_

_Of course Ben would have the uncomplicated version ready to go. It continually amazed you the way he viewed the world. How he would take things that could obsess over for days, maybe even weeks, and summarize it in seconds and be ready to move on while you tried to decide if he was a genius or some kind of alien beamed down to make you feel like an idiot._

_"Can I just be a girl for five seconds, Solo?" You asked dryly, though unable to keep the smile off your lips. In the way he always could, you felt better already. Though you weren't going to admit that readily, he didn't need the ego boost. "Wouldn't you be nervous if I took you to meet six of my girlfriends at once?"_

_Ben had met a few of your friends so far, but they'd either been one on one, or couples outings with their significant others. Unsurprisingly he'd made a stellar impression, but you still found it difficult to believe he wouldn't have been a little edgy if the roles were reversed._

_Considering the image, he paused for a handful of seconds before shrugging, giving you a look that was almost confused, "Maybe. But you'd be there. I'd be fine." With that he climbed out of his car, obvious to the solid five seconds you gave yourself to wonder how you'd ever lucked into meeting someone like him._

_When you found the ability to move again you slid out after him, securing your wristlet in place. Though Ben hadn't told you where you were going, he had stipulated to keep possessions light and wear comfortable clothes and shoes. You smiled at the memory of his face when you'd jokingly - but with a faux solemn expression - told him that you thought the best way to make impression on the Knights was to show up naked._

_"What are you grinning about?" he asked curiously as he pulled open the front door of the building for you._

_"Noth-" You stopped short as you crossed the threshold, surprised and confused at the sight that greeted you. It was abnormally dark with lasers of bright neon lights flashing through the glass fronted wall that separated what appeared to be some kind of lobby from what looked like a cross between an obstacle course and a maze. Occasionally you would see someone sneak around a wall or dart across an open space, their reflective vests gleaming. The lobby was a split between two areas; an open locker room with racks of vests and shelves of plastic guns, and a small bar with a few tables set up._

_"Laser tag?" you asked Ben, somewhat surprised but considering the stories he'd told you it sounded fitting. At heart, he and his friends were overgrown children when they wanted to be. Though even you had to admit, it looked fun. Way less pressure than a sit-down dinner trying to force conversation._

_"Laser tag. Ben didn't tell you we're nerds?"_

_You both turned at the sound of a voice behind you. A man who appeared around Ben's age had just walked through the door. In the dim light you guessed his hair was a sandy brunette. His chocolate colored eyes were bright; friendly. A spattering of freckles dotted his cheeks. He reminded you a little of a puppy. He gave Ben a brief one-armed hug before extending his hand to you. The manners were a nice touch. "I'm Kuruk. You're Y/N, right?"_

_"Who else would she be, idiot?" A voice asked off to your right as you shook Kuruk's hand, opening your mouth to speak but closing it at the interruption. Two more guys appeared beside you; they must have been over at the bar before. They were both nearly as tall as Ben and burly. Potential gym rats. But they seemed friendly enough. The one with blue eyes and copper-brown hair gave you his dimpled smile first, "Vicrul. But you can call me the man of your dreams." Taking your hand without you raising it to shake his._

_A loud scoff from the man next to him, the lights playing off his tanned complexion, white teeth unnaturally bright in the dimness. He rescued your hand from Vicrul and gave you a nod, "Ushar. Please feel free to puke on him for that disgusting display." Giving Vicrul a disappointed look, he shook his head sadly, "Now she's gonna think we're all a bunch of dumbasses."_

_"You are a bunch of dumbasses." Ben chuckled as he wound his arm around your waist, giving you a secret, reassuring squeeze. Both Vicrul and Ushar nodded in assent after only a moment, conceding defeat without protest._

_Feeling yourself relax somewhat - thanks to their easygoing natures - you shrugged, grinning in return, "I've heard worse." You teasingly glanced towards Ben, though it was the furthest thing from the truth. Not that you didn't doubt his attempts at pick up lines would be cringe-worthy, he didn't even try. He'd told you on your third date he found it easier to to accept when someone wasn't interested versus trying to woo them with lines that sounded like they came from the back of a cereal box._

_But his friends, glad for an excuse for revenge, laughed. "Ben's girl has jokes? Good. He's too serious." The group turned collectively as three more walked in behind you, introducing themselves as Cardo, Trudgen, and Ap'lek. After a series of greetings all around Cardo grinned widely, nodding towards the locker area, "What are we waiting for? Let's go shoot the shit out of each other."_

_****************** _

_With you joining the group it allowed for two even teams. Ben, Trudgen, Vicrul, and Ap'lek versus you, Ushar, Kuruk, and Cardo. After helping you into your vest they all gave you a rushed tutorial of how to use the gun - didn't get much easier than pointing at a vest and pushing a button, right? - and explaining that each person had three 'lives'. After three hits you were out. In addition to this, they upped the stakes by deciding to play a game of capture the flag._

_After giving Ben a nod at his questioning glance - ensuring you were comfortable splitting up - you followed your group into the arena. Ben's group veered off to the left, yours to the right. Kuruk lead the way through the maze of walls and obstacles, seeming to know the path decently well. While it was dark, the bright flashes of neon lights lit the way well. You tried to memorize the path as you walked, wanting to remember the course as much as possible._

_After a quick jog up an incline you stepped up on to a raised platform. It was ringed by the same high, dark walls the maze was. You couldn't see anything over them, you imagined even Ben would be hard pressed to see over them without jumping for some extra height. In the corner of the small space sat a neon red flag on a small stand. Following Cardo's gesture when he pointed across the room you could vaguely make out a similar raised stage with Ben's team gathered around a flicker of a neon blue flag. "The bases are set up the same way. No matter how you come or go you have to go through some obstacles and part of the maze. I vote two of us go for their flag and the other two guard ours and keep them distracted."_

_Everyone agreed amicably and you volunteered to go with Cardo to go after the other team's flag. It seemed the smarter role given you didn't know the course; whoever provided the distraction was going to need to be creative. A countdown began overhead, followed by a loud siren, letting you know the game had begun._

_After making your way back to the main floor you silently followed Cardo through part of the maze, keeping your gun held at the ready. Every now and again you were certain you heard footsteps other than your own or the whisper of voices, but for the first few minutes you didn't encounter anyone. You didn't know the Knights, but if Ben had a say in their plan you were willing to bet it wasn't all that different from your team. He was reasonable. A strategist. You doubted he would go in guns blazing._

_Vicrul and Ap'Lek apparently would._

_When you and Cardo rounded a corner Vicrul charged towards you, belting out something you assumed was a battle cry. He managed to shoot both of you before you ducked back behind the wall. Your vests both made a deflated sounding buzz, letting you know you were down a life._

_"Surrender now and maybe I'll go easy on you," Vicrul called out in a sing-song voice, sounding far too pleased with himself. You glanced at Cardo and he rolled his eyes, hazel eyes gleaming in the beam of green light flashing over you._

_Getting an idea, you pointed silently down the hall you'd just come from. You'd noticed earlier there was an adjoining path a few feet back. It seemed worth exploring if you could sneak up on Vicrul. Cardo nodded, moving closer to the edge of the wall to keep guard._

_Quietly as possible you jogged back down the hall and took the other path, pleasantly surprised to find that it looped around and appeared to come out on the other end of the path you'd just been on. Behind Vicrul. You watched him sneak further up the hall toward Cardo, his gun held at the ready. He didn't stand a chance as you rushed towards him, firing off two 'shots' at his vest. He whipped around at the first and might have managed to return fire had Cardo not broken cover and shot him for the third time. Before Vicrul could retaliate his vest lit up neon red, a defeated alarm sounding, letting him know he was out._

_"Fuck!" He exclaimed angrily, looking between you and Cardo as if you'd personally betrayed him. "I won't forget this." he swore, glaring at both of you as he shrugged out of his vest. "Why couldn't Ben have met a nice girl with shitty aim?"_

_"Because he already has you." You replied dryly, stifling a giggle as Cardo shoved past him and joined you at the other end of the hall. You set off again, hearing Vicrul's string of profanities fade away as you navigated the rest of the way through the maze. Cardo seemed to know the maze decently well, only two wrong turns before you came to the end of the maze. The floor immediately dropped off into a shallow pit filled with foam blocks._

_Before either of you could step down the echo of the firing noise the guns made sounded around you. Cardo's vest briefly flashed red, and you saw the outline of who you thought was Trudgen on the other side of the pit, "Die rebel scum!"_

_With Cardo being down to his last life you took the lead this time, rushing forward and diving into the pit, aiming a shot at Trudgen's vest as you went. You heard the satisfactory noise of the hit as you collided with the foam beneath you. And distracted with trying to track your movements Trudgen didn't block the second hit Cardo fired at him._

_You crawled through the cover of the blocks, letting them shield your vest from the shots Trudgen tried to fire at you while dodging shots from Cardo still on the other side of the pit. Giving up on trying to hit you, Trudgen jumped down into the pit. At first you thought he would try and engage you, having the upper hand , but with Cardo still firing at him he opted instead to plow through the pit towards him. "Keep going, I'll find you!" Cardo yelled to you before he disappeared back into the maze, retreating from Trudgen's fire._

_Climbing back to your feet you made it to the edge of the pit and stepped on to the floor. Moving quickly you wove through another short maze before you came to the next obstacle; a climbing wall you could go over, or a tunnel underneath you could crawl through. Figuring the wall would at least allow you to defend yourself if you needed to, you opted for that route. The wall was probably only 12 feet high with padded mats on either side, without any kind of harness you assumed they had to keep it shorter. Still holding on to your gun you began scaling the wall, using the handle grips and footholds to boost yourself higher._

_As you reached the top and swung your leg over to climb down the other side, the modulated shooting noise sounded seconds before your vest flashed red. You were down to your last life. Looking down you realized the shot had come from the opposite side of the wall; your way to the other team's flag was clear._

_"Sorry!" Someone - maybe Ap'lek? - called over the wall before you heard the sound of his retreating footsteps._

_Shrugging, you ran down the hall and raced up the incline, grinning at the sight of the unguarded bright blue flag._

_"Freeze."_

_As you reached towards the flag you did just that, your hand suspended mid-air at the sound of Ben's voice behind you. You internally cursed yourself for not checking around more, letting your eagerness get the better of you._

_But counting your blessings it was **Ben** that found you. _

_Taking a risk, you slowly set your gun down on the ground before raising your hands. Feigning defeat. Pivoting on your heel you turned to face him, batting your eyelashes innocently, "You wouldn't shoot an unarmed woman, would you?" You hoped that was the case. If not you'd just lost._

_He narrowed his eyes at you, though a smirk tugged at the edges of his rosebud mouth. Amused. Though he still held his gun, you tentatively hoped he didn't plan on using it. Even if you were strategizing, there was something...alluring about the sight of him in the dark, the flashes of neon beams glinting off his dark hair. The air around you felt charged with electricity, alive with possibility. "Depends," he murmured thoughtfully, taking a step closer to you and lowering his gun further, "what's in it for me?"_

_Thanks to your positions you were able to see the top of Kuruk's head bob below on the ground floor. He caught your eye for a split second, freezing when he realized Ben was in front of you._

_Getting an idea, you stepped closer to the flag, running your fingers along the smooth fabric. You glanced slyly at Ben, lips curving into a half-smile, "Where to begin?" You questioned, tugging the flag from the pole before turning back to him. You bit down on your lower lip, swaying your hips as you closed the short distance between you. Flag still in hand, you twined your arms around his neck, letting the cool fabric brush against his skin. A small shudder told you he'd completely forgotten about the game. "It's just us. Alone. In the dark."_

_Standing on your toes, you used the flag to pull his head down. Your lips met in a kiss drenched in anticipation, sweet warmth spreading across your skin. Inadvertently helping you, he backed you against the neighboring wall. He didn't even notice when you tossed the flag over the edge in Kuruk's direction._

_His hands drifted down, sliding over your hips and around to your ass. Knowing what he wanted, you hopped up into his grip so he could lift you up; you wrapped your legs around his waist, thighs gripping on to his hips. Reluctantly tearing your lips from his, you kissed along his neck, smirking when he tilted his head back slightly to give you better access. You almost felt guilty for deceiving him._

_Almost._

_Besides, even if you were playing him, it didn't mean you couldn't make good on your promise. _

_"You taste so good baby," you moaned against his neck, letting your tongue trail delicately along his skin. The unique scent of his natural musk and cologne filled your senses, leaving you as delirious as he looked._

_He pressed you into the wall, a hand appearing to capture your chin, tilting your head up so he could reclaim your mouth. His hand slid down to your neck, fingers delicately stroking your jawline._

_The sudden flash of bright red lights and the loud wail of a siren announcing your team's victory interrupted your reverie. Ben was the first to break away, confusion quickly morphing to disbelief when he saw your smug smile, "You deceitful little vixen," he accused, but he was already returning your grin; and pulling you back in for another kiss._

_"Aren't you mad I cheated?" you questioned against his lips, only giving your curiosity a fraction of actual thought. Bathed in red light and with his tongue twining with yours even you didn't care about the game anymore. Though you could hear the echoes of the Knights mixed delight and groans of defeat._

_He paused just long enough to allow you both air, the hand on your neck moving to your hair, giving a pull that caused an unexpected rush of heat to your core, "Lucky for you, I think I have a thing for bad girls."_

** After **

You'd fallen into a sated sleep the night before, too tired and spent from the sex and adrenaline crash to do anything else. But the safe haven of unconsciousness could only last so long. When your eyes fluttered open, greeted by thin rays of sunlight peeking through the windows and shutters, the _guilt_ set in almost immediately, refusing to allow you anymore rest. Shyly taking a peek upwards you found Kylo still fast asleep. You checked his pulse as unobtrusively as possible, glad to feel it stronger than the night before. There was more color in his cheeks now, his skin much closer to its regular color. You checked his bandaged wounds and found your amateur stitch job had held. 

Apparently sex was great for the healing process. 

It was an awkward process disentangling yourself from him without waking him, but he seemed pretty dead to the world. Once you managed to climb to your feet you readjusted the blanket over him before tiptoeing around the small expanse of the living room to find your clothes. 

It was once again freezing, the fire having burned out what you assumed was hours before. Though the sun did warm the room minutely, it was nothing against the frigid temperature outside and the hole in the glass of the door letting in a bitterly cold draft. Once you'd managed to track down your clothes you retreated quickly to the bathroom. 

Surprisingly enough the water was working, allowing you a few human moments and to splash some cool water on your face. The dust coated mirror didn't reveal much of your appearance for which you were exceedingly grateful. After the last several hours you felt like you'd lived half a lifetime. In some ways it was almost like you had; without Kylo your life never would have taken such a dramatic turn. 

Once you were done in the bathroom you got another fire going, warming your hands for a few moments before you ventured back to the kitchen. You had no idea what the plan was moving forward, but you needed to keep your overactive mind and shaky hands busy. Though Kylo had told Snoke he would be away for a few days you hoped his intention wasn't to hold out in the cabin. It had served its purpose well enough but you were doubtful it was sustainable. 

Another search of the cabinets in the bright light of day led you to a few more supplies than you'd found the night before. You pulled a few of the water bottles down and set them on the side table in the living room, hoping the proximity to the fire would thaw them out some. You pulled out the canned goods, not finding an array of soups, beans, and corned beef hash particularly appetizing but beggars couldn't be choosers. You were hungry enough not to care, and Kylo needed to eat something to help keep his blood sugar up. There was also a box of crackers you left out on the counter.

In the midst of your search you came across one other baffling item; a few pieces of mail tucked in one of the drawers. Curious, you'd pulled them out and blown the dust off them, confused to find a familiar name printed in the receipt line of each envelope. Paul and Mila Duke; Kuruk's parents. 

Your assumption when Kylo mentioned the cabin was that it was some mob hideout or a backup property he kept for occasions exactly such as what you were in. But there was no trace of any other ownership you could find. To the best of your knowledge Kylo hadn't spoken to Kuruk since the hospital right after the accident. Sweet natured as Kuruk was, he'd been pushing Kylo **nearly** as hard as you were to remember and he ended up on the receiving end of one of Kylo's more brutal moments. Not only had he lashed out verbally, he'd slammed Kuruk into the wall and half-choked him to death in anger. Though Kuruk insisted at first he understood it wasn't Ben hurting him, he'd been among the first to drift away and mostly lose contact with you save for the occasional text asking if you needed anything or returning your attempts to check on him. 

Which made it seem extremely unlikely to you that he even knew Kuruk's parents owned property in the mountains, much less gained the address or permission to use it. Thinking back you could remember Kuruk mentioning a few months before the accident that his parents were flipping a cabin in the mountains. Kylo and all the Knights had gone up on two separate weekends to help clear land and help repair some exterior damage. 

You wanted to immediately wake Kylo and demand more information, feeling a rush of hope for the first time that Ben's memories were beginning to resurface. It was only the knowledge that (1) he needed to rest, and (2) thus far he tended to react poorly to mention of Ben at all. If he thought your hope for getting him back had been reignited instead of smothered by giving into him you knew it wouldn't go over well. 

As you tried to put together a less invasive plan, you set to work figuring out breakfast. Thanks to the lack of power your only option for heating anything up was the few sparse items of cookware you were able to locate and rinse off in the sink and the fireplace. Feeling _pioneer_ in the worst way possible, you drug the chair closer to the fireplace and held the small sauce pan filled with corn beef hash over the flame. It was a tedious process to say the least, but the rubber coated handle prevented your hand from getting burned so it came down to a matter of sheer boredom. 

Boredom which allowed your mind to wander back to the suffocating guilt that had woken you in the first place. 

Were you to stay in a technical mindset, all you'd done last night was sleep with your husband. No laws against that. It shouldn't be attached to a feeling of remorse. But you found yourself incapable of thinking that way. Since he'd woken up in the hospital Kylo had defined himself not only as his own separate person, but he'd made his hatred for Ben abundantly clear. He wasn't working to restore his memories; he was actively trying to _erase_ Ben from everyone else's. You'd come to think of them as different people. And last night you'd known full well it was Kylo's arms you were lying in. 

The few times that you'd gone to see a therapist after the accident you'd been told to allow yourself to be human. To take care of your own mental health. To move on if you had to. But you hadn't been able to stomach the idea of ever giving up on Ben.

So why had you given in to Kylo? 

Not just given in, you asked him to make you forget. You'd craved the roughness of his hands, the possession of his dark intent. You in no way thought doing so would help bridge the gap tp Ben. You just wanted to feel good again. Even if it only lasted for a few minutes. 

Were Ben there you wondered if he would be disappointed in you. Would he see the clear division between himself and Kylo the way you did? Would he understand what the grief of losing him was doing to you? 

Would he forgive you for not being strong enough? 

"I can hear your guilty conscious from here." 

You bit your lip, trying to will yourself not to react. Giving in to him didn't mean that you'd overlooked what you were certain was manipulation. He'd gotten exactly what he wanted, even if it had only lasted for a night. But you couldn't even confront him, at least not now. You didn't want to put him on the defensive before you could ask about the cabin. 

Pulling the saucepan away from the flames you headed back into the kitchen, only sparing him a passing glance, "What do I have to be guilty for?" 

Your counter only offered a brief reprieve. As you busied yourself with divvying out into two small bowls you'd found in the dusty cabinets you felt him watching you from the couch, "Nothing. But that doesn't mean you are tormenting yourself. I know you." 

Ironically, you hoped that was true. Another sign of the return of Ben's memories. And maybe it was nice to think that all this time you'd spent with Kylo wasn't just you chasing impossible dreams and he toying with you. It shouldn't have bothered you if Kylo didn't actually care about you, that you were nothing more than a challenge, but the thought of being nothing to him was inexplicably painful. 

'Guilt' was the wrong emotion to assign to the morning. Fucked in the head felt far more appropriate. 

"Do you?" Grabbing the bowls and two forks you walked back to the living area, handing him one. The disgusted look on his face nearly made you dissolve into laughter. The stuff looked far from appetizing but you sincerely doubted you had other options anywhere near the cabin. You'd stopped seeing signs for rest stops and food before you'd even got rid of the gunmen following you. "Since you know me so well, tell me what I should be feeling." 

"Relief at being alive." He answered, sounding almost pensive as he drug his spoon unenthusiastically through his bowl, still watching you as you sat down on the couch next to him. Being careful to keep as much distance as you could without being transparent. "Satisfaction with finally giving up the charade you weren't **aching** for me with every bone in that incredible body," His lips quirked in a brief, devious smirk before his expression fell into disgust when he looked back at his bowl, "Disgust with the menu." 

Ignoring his second point you shrugged at the last, hoping you sounded completely nonchalant, "I'm not the one who went grocery shopping. Tell your flying monkeys to get a better spread next time." Trying to set an example you took the first bite, but immediately regretted the choice. It could have been a bad batch, but either way the mush you called breakfast was _repulsive_. "Is this place yours by the way?" 

He opened his mouth to respond but stopped short, brows knitting together. Affirming your suspicions. "No." Kylo murmured, allowing himself a few more moments of vulnerability before you watched his guard slide carefully into place. He took your bowl from your hands and stood up slowly but steadily, heedless of what you were sure was note worthy pain. The painkillers that had been in the first aid kit had to worn off hours before. "We're not eating this shit." 

Your mouth went unexpectedly dry at the sight of his naked body, marred only by the two bandages on his flank. He didn't seem to feel a moment's shyness (and why should he when he looked that good?) about his lack of clothing. He tossed both bowls into the small trash can in the kitchen before turning back to you, lips lifting again when he noticed your stare, "Keep looking at me that way little wife, and I'm not letting you out of this cabin until I've fucked you again." 

Biting down on your lip to prevent the admission you were half-delirious already with the thought of having him inside you again, you felt your cheeks warm slightly. Feigning an eye roll you stood up from the couch and began retrieving his clothes from the floor, "You sure you didn't hit your head? You sound delusional." Gathering the bundle you walked it over to him, pushing the mound of fabric into his hands, "And that 'shit' is one of very few options. You told Snoke you would be gone a few days, we're not really in the position to get picky." 

"What I tell Snoke and what I do often aren't in alignment," Kylo responded evenly, accepting the clothes with a note of reluctance. "I'll stay off the radar but we're not staying here. We'll go back to my penthouse in the city." Without waiting for your response he turned and headed towards the bathroom, grabbing one of the remaining first aid kits on the way. 

***************

While you were far from being in agreement that you would be joining Kylo at his penthouse, you weren't going to argue with leaving the cabin behind. Even if it was part of the only memory he seemed to have of Ben's life without prompting, the place was too poorly stocked for your comfort. If Kylo developed an infection out here he could easily die before you were able to get him help. 

He hadn't taken long in the bathroom. When he emerged fully dressed and tossing away the remnants of the bandage change he seemed to perform without issue, he was fully back in control. All hints of confusion gone from his gaze. Though after you'd traded places with him and came back out into the kitchen he was shutting the drawer where you'd left the mail addressed to Kuruk's parents. He didn't comment, and you didn't ask, but you wouldn't forget this. 

You doubted _he_ would either. 

After gathering your few possessions the two of you retreated back to his car. You automatically went towards the driver's side but he caught your arm. When you glanced questioningly at his grip he gave you the kind of half-grin that left you **weak** in the knees, "Impressed as I am with your driving ability, I can manage." 

You didn't argue. Namely because he caught sight of the damage and ruined paint job before you could and his furious expression silenced you. You knew it wasn't directed at you, but you were reminded of the danger he still faced. Not just because someone had made an unsuccessful attempt on his life, but you knew he wasn't going to let the attack go. When he had answers how long would it before he took his retribution? 

The trip home was significantly less carefree than your road trip to the lodge the day before. The attack, your night together, and Kylo's potential memory slip had you both with more than enough to think about. 

Though a little over an hour into the trip he moved his hand to the console between you, palm facing up. Despite the conflict still swirling within you, you hesitated only a moment before slipping your hand into his, savoring the warmth of his fingers wrapping around yours. 

It wasn't until you were just outside the city limits that you knew you had to break the tentative peace between you, "You said 'we' were going to your penthouse earlier." You'd never seen where he lived, and while you were admittedly curious you were also eager to get home. Or more accurately, get some distance. Not just because you were still in a free fall over your own feelings, but you'd gotten a text from Ushar not long after leaving the cabin asking to to meet. Apparently he'd found something out working his new job at Kylo's club that he needed to tell you in person.

"We." He confirmed, not missing a beat. His gaze didn't shift from the windshield. "Until I know who tried to kill me - and nearly _you_ \- last night you're staying with me." Either assuming or seeing you about to argue he squeezed your hand hard for a moment before relaxing his tight grip, "Don't. It's not up for debate." 

"What a shock." You remarked dryly. As if you'd had many choices since he'd come back into your life. It was perhaps the biggest difference between your marriage to Ben and dynamic with Kylo. Ben had been your partner; Kylo wanted to _own_ you. Though admittedly you didn't find that to be near as much of a deterrent as you should have. "Look I know the threat was real at the resort but isn't it pretty safe to assume I was only being shot at because I was with you?" The idea of staying with him was as alluring as it was unnerving; proximity would surely only further up the risk he would figure out what you and Ushar were doing. 

When he glanced in your direction this time his expression remained unchanged, "Assumptions in my line of work are as good as a death sentence. You're staying." 

Looking pointedly at his injured side and feeling a surge of rebelliousness triggered by his overactive ego, you rose one arched brow at his command, "We'll see." You were hardly in the position to argue; you didn't know you were safe. But the fact of the matter was that you couldn't tell him you weren't much better off with him. 

To your surprise and irritation his response was to chuckle at your vague defiance, a genuinely humored sound that didn't belong in a tense setting. He continued to weave in and out of traffic as you entered the more congested traffic of the city. Attracting a few stares when people noticed the damage to his car, "Don't tempt me, my defiant little pet. My guards are more than capable of dragging you inside and stringing you up until I'm ready to deal with you." 

Much as your mind willed your body to join it in at least mild irritation, you were having a difficult time just _unclenching_ your thighs. Before Kylo no one had ever spoken to you that way before, you'd never had to consider if you would like it. 

Another squeeze to your hand sparred you an immediate response, "Besides, my 48 hours aren't up. No saying no, remember?" 

"I had to push you in a _wheelbarrow_ and find a YouTube tutorial on stitching human flesh back together, I think my debt is paid." The memory still left you mildly nauseous. The soreness in your back and shoulders a constant reminder of the effort it had taken just to move him a matter of yards. If it hadn't been for the wheelbarrow you would have been completely out of luck. 

The wheelbarrow that you'd completely forgotten you never told him about until now. 

Sneaking a glance in his direction you watched his expression shift to confusion, the tension diffusing in a matter of seconds. "Do I want to know?" 

"I'll tell you some time over a bowl of corned beef hash." You promised, feeling a smile tug at your lips.

*******************

Ultimately, not because of your deal but because you accepted you probably weren't going to win the argument, you agreed to stay with Kylo. On the condition you could take a trip home alone to pack a few things. You told him you needed a few human moments to yourself; in actuality, you needed a chance to go and meet Ushar. Knowing you both probably had eyes on you (if not Kylo's than his guards') you'd agreed via text to meet at a local grocery store. A place hopefully no one would bat an eyelash at either of you entering. _You_ might not have looked suspicious walking into a lingerie store but Ushar was a different story. 

A few miles away from his building, Kylo made a few calls to his men. One to arrange the pickup and disposal of the Porsche. Another to dole out instructions for the next few days. And a final one to get a car ready for you and make it clear you would be staying for the foreseeable future. 

The building he lived in was something you'd only seen from the street; a luxury high-rise that without Kylo you never would have done more than vaguely wonder what it housed. 

After checking in with security and driving up to the fifth floor of the parking garage - and going through yet another security checkpoint - you were surprised at how sparsely populated the floor was given the size of the building. There only about a dozen high end cars parked in a cluster near the elevator doors. 

"The floor is mine." Kylo explained shortly, noticing your preoccupation as he pulled the Porsche into a spot near the others. He cut the ignition and nodded to a cherry red Audi parked next to you, "What do you think?" 

While you were far from an expert, the car was admittedly stunning. Sleek. Two door model. The chrome finish of the hubcaps so bright it almost hurt your eyes to look too long. Easily your favorite shade of crimson. Probably as much fun to drive as the Porsche had been before it had become an activity of survival rather than a way to kill time on a road trip. 

But it was one of many impressive cars sitting around you. What was special about that one? "It's gorgeous," you said slowly, feeling a pinch forming between your brows as you unbuckled your seatbelts once he'd reluctantly released your hand. "Why?" 

Shooting you an indulgent smile he nodded to the man dressed in all black walking towards the Porsche, keys in hand, "It's yours." 

Chuckling at your stunned expression he climbed out of the car, moving relatively agile considering his injuries. He took the keys from the man who'd walked up. You watched them exchange a few quiet words, Kylo gesturing briefly at the Porsche and then you before nodding. The guard stood by, probably waiting for you to exit the Porsche so he could deal with it. You'd asked Kylo if he planned to have it repaired, but he'd explained repair work was too trackable; disposing of the car altogether was a safer option. 

Forcing your jellied limbs into cooperation you climbed out of the car as well, just in time for Kylo to help pull your door open and close it behind you. He held out the keys to you, "Security has your name and the car is registered. I expect you back in two hours. Call if anything comes up." After pressing the keys into your unsteady palm he bent and claimed your mouth in a hungry kiss, his fingers first brushing through your hair and then _twisting_ into it, cementing his hold. Your noise of surprise quickly shifted to something akin to pleasure, your hands finding their way to his hips, pulling him closer rather than pushing him away. 

His tongue traced along your lower lip before he pulled away, lingering just long enough to prove you **wanted** to be there. "Come straight to the penthouse when you get back. I'll give a tour." Giving you a final peck he released you before turning on his heel and strolling leisurely over to the elevator, whistling just loud enough for the jovial sound to echo around you. 

*******************

Though you didn't spot a tail on your way to your house, or to the grocery store you'd agreed to meet Ushar at, you didn't take any chances. For all you knew the car was chipped, so you were careful not to do anything that might draw attention. You first drove straight to your house, going inside long enough to pack - yet another - bag with a few days worth of clothes and toiletries. This time, you hoped, you wouldn't need a ball gown. 

After killing a few more minutes you sent Kylo a text letting him know you were stopping for a few essentials before heading back to his penthouse. If he did have someone watching you you figured it couldn't hurt to appear to be forthcoming. You felt a small stab of guilt for deceiving him, but you weren't naive enough to think his motives were any purer. No matter what you might or might not be feeling for him he wasn't playing fair. You stood no chance of finding stable ground to stand on unless you started doing the same. 

You sent Ushar a text in the car telling him to meet you on one of the frozen food aisles. Again in case you actually did have someone watching you, you didn't want to be searching for him or walking around with your nose in your phone. Anything that might give you away. 

Before forgetting your cover story you made a short stop in the toiletries and grabbed a few things to sell the story before heading towards the frozen foods section. It took considerable effort but you forced yourself to move at a casual, unconcerned pace. Breathing even. Doing everything in power not to look as guilty as you felt. 

Turning on to the last aisle you breathed a quiet sigh of relief when you noticed there was only one other person on the aisle; a man behind one of the glass doors of a cooler, focusing a little too intently on a selection of frozen pizzas. Walking to the cooler next to the one Ushar was positioned in front of, you set your hand basket down on the ground and pulled the door open, feeling the wave of frigid air wash over your skin, helping to clear your head. 

"Are you okay?" Ushar immediately demanded, turning his head and looking over you as if he expected to find gaping wounds. You guessed considering what happened to Kylo that was fair. But his fear was a little confusing. You hadn't given him the gory details of the attack, just explained things had gone wrong but you were with Kylo and safe. 

"I'm fine. I told you that earlier. Did someone tell you about the attack?" You couldn't imagine how that would have happened. Ushar had only just been hired at the club, you sincerely doubted Kylo mentioned anything directly. And it seemed like aside from a brief call with Snoke he was keeping it under wraps. 

An odd look crossed his face, almost chagrined. He gave you an impish grin, light blue eyes filled with a mixture of sheepishness and pride, "I got in good with one of the bosses...Kylo's business partner, Hux. Brought a round of drinks back to the office last night and I overheard him talking about gunmen breaking into his resort in the mountains."

Temporarily ignoring your unease with what he'd overheard, your mind went first to the danger he was putting himself in. Ushar was just as much of a stranger to this world as you were. If he'd been caught listening outside a door or passing along information would Hux, or Kylo for that matter, hesitate to do something to him? Your mind flashed back to the brutal beating you'd witnessed Kylo deliver to Finn and shuddered. 

"What the fuck were you thinking? Ushar if you'd been caught you could have ended up dead!" you hissed, glancing instinctively around you, terrified more than ever of being overheard. This wasn't just a matter of you working on Kylo anymore; the severity of the potential consequences to Ushar's well being were beginning to weigh on you. "He's not thinking like Ben. He's _not_ Ben. We don't know if he would do anything to protect you." 

"We can say the same for you," He argued back defensively, seeming offended that you thought he needed protecting. Maybe if it were a bar fight you wouldn't have anything to worry about - Ushar wasn't hurting in size or build - but fists did little against guns. Or any other fate Kylo might dream up. "I told you, I'm doing whatever it takes to help you bring Ben back. Now stop worrying about what could have happened so I can tell you what did happen." Copying your paranoia he glanced around you, looking in both directions up the aisle and lowering his voice before continuing, "Hux does a good job of pretending to be decent, but I heard him on the phone. Something about failing a 'simple mission' and how it wouldn't happen again. And...he said how uncomplicated his life would be if someone's aim had been a little better." 

Hux was still grey area to you. Nearly as foreign as Snoke. They were characters in a story you'd only read the first few chapters of. Finn had only just gotten to explaining his role when you'd met before Kylo interrupted you. Up until this point you'd been thinking of him as a business partner. Someone aligned with Kylo. Why would he know anything about the attack so soon, and think his life would have been easier if Kylo had been more seriously injured or died? "You think Hux is behind the attack?" 

Ushar shrugged, but there was a certainty in his eyes that made you think he wasn't on the fence about his opinion, "From what people say around the club Hux and Kylo are like Snoke's right hands. Before Ben's accident Hux didn't have any competition for the top spot, now he does. You tell me, does the guy sound innocent?" 

To be fair you doubted ' _innocent_ ' could be applied to anyone in Snoke's orbit. **Yourself** now included. You hadn't forgotten that you'd injured and killed people during your escape. And some of the injured still ended up dead thanks to your actions, like the men in the hallway at the resort who'd tried to ambush Kylo, and the one who grabbed you after you'd tased the one pursuing Kylo. 

" _He was right, you are a pretty little thing, aren't you_?"

The memory resurfaced quickly. Now that you weren't high on adrenaline and fear and stifling the events that had unfolded, it allowed your confusion over the man's words to return. Had he been talking about Hux? Did Hux even know who you were? It didn't seem impossible. In fact, given you'd been to the club a few times by that night, it seemed logical to assume he did. 

Had you been an intended ploy in Hux's plans? 

"I'll ask Kylo about Hux. Given what we just went through maybe he'll be more willing to share." You felt your mind spinning, dozens of different theories and suspicions taking shape. And more than that, worry over what you could do to prevent the situation from escalating, or anything like what took place at the lodge from happening again. 

There was too much at stake. You had to do something before someone you loved ended up hurt. Or worse. 

Nodding to yourself, you gave Ushar what you hoped was a serious enough look to make him listen, "I know I can't talk you out of working at the club, but you need to be more careful. Trust no one. We don't know these people. If you slip up and the wrong person sees you could end up dead. And I am _not_ losing anyone else." You swore in a passionate undertone. 

Reaching through the gap between the two coolers Ushar gave your arm a firm squeeze, nodding solemnly, "I get it. I'll be careful. But you need to do the same, Solo. You could have been killed because you were with him. Just stay in touch okay?" You knew he shared your tiredness. Your same desire to protect each other while finding some way to bring Ben back. You had to stifle a renewed wave of guilt, knowing how disappointed he would be in you if he knew you'd not only given into Kylo, but that you regularly battled feelings that had nothing to do with Ben for him. 

You squeezed his hand in return before he dropped his arm, preparing to leave, "You too." You changed one last look before he turned and walked towards the direction you'd come from, letting the door to the cooler close quietly behind him.

Sighing, you let your door close as well before heading towards the front of the store to check out and return to Kylo's penthouse. 

****************

Back in the car you suffered a minor panic attack when you checked your phone and saw a missed text from Kylo, sure you would read it to find out you'd been seen. But he'd merely told you he could send his men out for anything you needed. After taking a few moments to breathe you shot him a text to let him know you were heading back to the penthouse. 

Though you immensely enjoyed the Audi - a gift that you weren't anywhere near comfortable accepting from Kylo, but what was the harm in borrowing it? - it was difficult to focus on anything other than the information you'd learned since meeting with Ushar. And the sense of increasing dread building within you. Wherever all this was going, it wasn't good. Between the danger that the business, Snoke, and Hux posed to Kylo, and Rose and Finn's tireless efforts to bring them all down you weren't seeing many happy endings on the horizon unless you found a way to get Ben back. 

But what if you couldn't? What would happen then? 

And what if your conflicted feelings for Kylo only continued to grow and **complicate**? 

By the time you reached the parking garage you were desperately aching for the two bottles of vodka you'd left back at the cabin. Anything to help clear your head of the dizzying array of questions and unknowns. You passed through the two security checkpoints without incident; they'd clearly been expecting you. 

When you arrived back at the fifth floor you pulled the Audi into an empty space, surprised to find the same guard from before waiting for you by the elevator door. As you climbed out of the car he approached quickly and reached into the backseat, grabbing both your suitcase and your bag of decoy items from the store. "I'll take these for you. You can go ahead and go up, just hit 'PH' in the elevator. He's expecting you." He explained, offering you a polite nod when you thanked him. 

As you walked into the elevator you felt a renewed swarm of nerves at the prospect of staying with Kylo. It shouldn't have felt so new given you'd shared one home or another with him for years, but you'd be fooling yourself to think staying in a penthouse with a mobster would be anything like the life you and Ben used to share. 

Inside the small but luxurious elevator you followed the guard's instructions and pressed down the 'PH' button, watching as it glowed brightly in the response and the doors slid quickly and silently closed. You swallowed thickly as the elevator rose, watching the lower floor numbers flash on the small screen on the wall until a quiet buzz announced your arrival. When the doors slid open again you were greeted with a small foyer and a set of sleek black double doors. 

Since the guard had informed you that Kylo was expecting you saw no reason to further delay; you stepped forward and pulled the door open. 

Inside your view opened to a massive, open concept penthouse. The ceilings were easily over thirty feet high, adding to the grandeur. The entire right wall spanning across the entire penthouse were floor to ceiling windows, offering a stunning view of the sprawling city below. Off to the left was a kitchen that looked like it had come directly from a cooking network; pristine and untouched. Adjacent a dining room, a table for six set beneath a black sphere chandelier. 

A winding staircase divided the dining area from the living room. An area you might have taken more time to appreciate with it's massive black leather sectional and black stone fireplace were it not for the fact that you realized you'd interrupted a meeting. 

Between Kylo and **Snoke**. 

Though you'd never actually seen him in person, you recognized him immediately from the pictures Finn had shown you. The deformities on his face distinctive. Seeing him up close you suspected by the scar tissue they had been _carved_ there. What little hair he had was shockingly white, glinting like ice. He and Kylo sat across from one another, Kylo on the couch, Snoke on a leather upholstered chair; two glasses of amber colored liquid between them on the coffee table. 

Kylo's expression was blank, nearly unreadable. Were it not for the slight tensing of his shoulders you might not have known he was on edge. 

But Snoke? Snoke looked elated. A wicked, mirthless smile spread over his thin lips. He turned briefly to Kylo, unapologetically gauging his reaction before turning back to you. He rose to his feet, followed by Kylo, "Ah, _Mrs. Solo_ ," he breathed, his voice just raspy enough to betray his age, but so cold you felt a chill run up your spin as he extended a hand to you, "I'm so happy you could join us." 

*****************

**(** a/n **)**

I KNOW, I KNOW. ANOTHER cliffhanger. I'm evil. this was kind of a mild/plot heavy chapter, but I promise next chapter is... _le spice_. 0____0

please please please comment and vote, I love hearing from you guys about what you thought of the chapter! 

also coming up...y/n faces off with smoke....dun dun dun. 

until next time <3


	8. A Test

TWs; very dubious consent, CNC, sexual situations, gun play, breath play, sensory deprivation, bondage, weapon use, threats of violence and death, Kylo is an asshole we all know this but now he's a pissed off asshole and we're in **t r o u b l e**. 

_*cough* Henry Cavill may or may not be the face claim for Ushar *cough cough*_

** Before **

_Of all the things Ben wanted to be doing the day after getting engaged, sitting in a bar in the middle of the day without his fiancé wasn't one of them._

_Nor was waiting for one of his best friends to show up so he could confront him about the feelings he knew Ushar had for his soon to be wife._

_They'd never fought over girls before. None of them. Even in their youngest and stupidest years they'd all agreed that they weren't worth their friendships. Their tastes were typically varying enough that it wasn't an issue, anyway. At least until now._

_Ben had always suspected that Ushar found his fiancé attractive - he couldn't really be blamed for **that** \- but over the last few months he'd noticed increasingly that he looked for reasons to seek her out. Be alone with her. At first he tried to take the high road and simply be happy his friends all loved his girl - and vice versa - but Ushar clearly had other things on his mind than friendship. _

_And he wasn't going to have Ushar stand up for him at his wedding while he was lusting after his wife._

_Maybe it would have been easier to go on ignoring it had things stayed the same, but when they'd announced their engagement the night before Ben hadn't missed Ushar's noticeable flinch; the undeniable flash of pain in his expression before he carefully rearranged his features and pretended to be buoyant with everyone else. When he'd caught Ben watching him the guilt had been tangible, turning the cracks in their friendship into a full blown void._

_After everyone had gone home Ben had sent him a text asking to meet the next day, just the two of them. Ushar's response had been immediate, clearly expecting it. There was no avoiding the issue anymore._

_With a sigh he took a long drink from his glass, wishing now he'd ordered something stronger than beer. Confrontation wasn't something he readily sought out to begin with, but with one of his best friends? That was something he happily would have avoided were it over anything else. **Anyone** else. _

_As if summonsed by thought Ushar sat down on the stool next to him, offering him a nervous smile. He wasn't stupid, he'd known something was up when Ben asked to meet alone in the middle of the day. If both of them were being honest with themselves, they'd have to admit this conversation was a long time coming. "Hey, Ben."_

_"Hey," Ben parroted back before sighing at the awkward energy existing between them. He shifted so he could turn to face him head on, "Can we just skip the pleasantries for now and get this over with?" He doubted he was the only one who was eager not to prolong the experience. It wasn't the first difficult conversation of their friendship, but it was the first time he could remember genuinely questioning if he could trust one of his closest friends._

_Sighing, Ushar rubbed the back of his neck before signaling to the bar tender, gesturing to Ben's half-empty glass for another round. "Do we really need to do this, Ben? You just got engaged, wouldn't you rather be out enjoying that?"_

_"Yeah, I would." Ben responded simply, raising a brow before taking another sip of his drink. What kind of question was that? Of course he would rather be celebrating with his fiancé. She didn't have any idea he was here or that he'd asked to meet Ushar. She was at brunch with her friends, completely clueless as to why as he hadn't been able to join them. "But we both know why it's not that simple" he went on a moment later as the bar tender slid two filled glasses their way, "I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you feel something for her."_

_A similar look of guilt flashed in Ushar's gaze, the long drink he took from his glass a shameless ploy to buy himself a few more seconds. "I've never done anything. I don't even think she knows. She's completely devoted to you." Maybe it was Ben's imagination or anger talking, but there was something that sounded a lot like **envy** in Ushar's voice. _

_Feeling a spark of irritation, Ben gave him a frank look, not falling for the diversion tactic in the slightest, "We're not talking about how **she** feels." He didn't want to put words in Ushar's mouth. Even angry at him, he didn't have any right to tell him how he felt. But there was no moving forward until they got everything out on the table. _

_"Shit, Ben." Ushar groaned, looking away temporarily to spare himself Ben's searching gaze. The guilt was obviously eating away at him. Yet that didn't stop the longing looks across the room. The offers to drive her home or help her clean up after a meal. "What do you want me to say here? I'd never act on anything. You have to know that. Eventually it'll go away."_

_"Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself?" The question was blunt, but not unkind. Frustrated and hurt as he might have been at the situation, he knew lashing out wasn't going to help resolve anything. "I'm not saying you'd ever do anything, but that isn't the point. The point is that in less than a year she's going to be my wife and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with knowing you want her." Falling back on honesty made him feel at least somewhat more in control. He'd learned after years of skating on thin ice with his parents that it was one of the few things he could rely on; his ability to regulate his reactions even if the people around him were unpredictable._

_Ushar nodded slowly, conceding the point with a grimace. "Typical. You should be kicking my ass but instead you're trying to make this easier for_ **me** _." He drummed his fingers nervously on the bar top for a moment before he finally nodded and took a deep breath, "I like her. I assume I don't need to explain why," he stole a glance in Ben's direction, pausing for a few long moments before he finally gave a reluctant nod, "but I'll get over it."_

_Truth be told Ben didn't need to hear the reasons; he already knew them. Despite her proclamations that **he** was the one too good to be true, she had such a muddled view of herself. She didn't see her light; the passion that burned so brightly inside her she made everything else seem dim. She was easily the most loyal person he'd ever met, once she loved someone there wasn't a thing on the planet she wouldn't do for them. _

_Of course he didn't need to hear the reasons why Ushar was hung up on her. But understanding it didn't make the situation any more sustainable._

_"And what if you don't?" He countered after a moment, feeling his shoulders tense at the possibility of Ushar's answer._

_"Then I'll stay away." Clearly having already given it thought and made a decision, Ushar didn't seem conflicted in the slightest. Even if it wasn't what he wanted, it was impossible to doubt he would follow through._

_Lost in thought neither of them spoke for a few minutes, instead alternating between staring sightlessly at the TV screen mounted on the wall in front of them and steadily draining their glasses. In many ways there was little more that could be said, but in others so much remained unresolved. There was no way for anyone to walk away with exactly what they wanted, and it was a bitter pill to swallow to think some day this moment might be the beginning of the end of their friendship._

_All they could do was hope that day never came._

_With a nod of acceptance Ben finally extended his hand to Ushar, wordlessly offering his trust in absence of his faith in the situation._

_Unhesitatingly and with a breath of relief Ushar shook his hand._

_Right before Ben's fist collided with his jaw._

_The blow sent Ushar tumbling off the back of his stool to the floor while Ben flexed his now throbbing knuckles. It hadn't been the hardest punch he'd ever thrown, but he put enough force behind it to know Ushar would be sporting a wicked bruise for a while._

_Polishing off the rest of his drink he stood and stepped around their stools, offering Ushar a hand to help him up as he flexed his reddening jaw. He looked up at him for a long moment before taking his outstretched hand and climbing back to his feet. A few people had stopped to stare at them, the bar tender looking like he was trying to decide if he needed to intervene. Ushar raised a hand, "Nothing to see here, folks." Sighing, he flexed his jaw again before offering Ben a tentative half-grin, "I deserved that."_

_"Damn straight." His tone was dry but he returned the smile, trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach that this wouldn't end well._

_********************* _

** After **

You stared at Snoke's outstretched hand for several seconds longer than courtesy would have mandated, but you were still too stunned to react. Furious as you'd been with him when he called Kylo at the cabin and your willingness to answer the phone, seeing him in person caused an influx of panic and suspicion. Judging by Kylo's tense body language this hadn't been planned, and you sincerely doubted he would have wanted you to walk in on the middle of it. Especially after he'd made a point of telling Snoke he'd been alone at the cabin. Had he suspected he'd been lied to, or had something else triggered the impromptu visit? 

You spared only a single glance at Kylo - wishing you knew what he was thinking - before deciding your best bet was to play along, and play dumb for as long as possible. Forcing a smile, you took his hand briefly, trying not to flinch at the coldness of his leathery skin. The emptiness in his light cerulean eyes despite the smile that you weren't sure was meant to reassure or _terrify_ you, "It's Ren, actually." You corrected, swallowing back the sense of betrayal in denying your married name. Even if it was for a good cause, it still stung. "I'm sorry, you have me at a disadvantage. You are?" 

Though you'd barely scratched the surface in any kind of life with Kylo, you assumed that Snoke at least would expect that only minimal business information would ever be shared. Even if Kylo had been willing to let you witness his brutal beating of Finn, that had been to prove a point. Aside from that he had told very little. And you suspected bad the attack on the resort not happened he would have revealed even less. Not to mention, distracting yourself with that question kept you from thinking about the chilling reality that Snoke had known exactly who _you_ were the moment you walked into the penthouse. 

Snoke exchanged a quick glance with Kylo - some unknown communication passing between the two of them - before he turned his insincere smile back on you, "Mrs. Ren, then. My name is Alastair Snoke. An associate of your husband's. I'm sure he's mentioned me?" 

It felt like a test rather than a question. Thinking back, had Kylo not caught you meeting with Finn or you been with him at the resort he hadn't mentioned Snoke independently, so you felt it safer to continue playing along. When Snoke finally released your hand you fought the impulse to snatch it away. "Kylo doesn't talk much about business." you said smoothly, as if you hadn't given it a second thought. "It's nice to meet you all the same." _You slimy son of a bitch_ , you added mentally. 

"It's a rather _dull_ topic of conversation, he's doing you a service." Snoke replied evenly, giving both you and Kylo a bland grin before he returned to the living room, taking his original spot back on the couch. He reached for his drink before gesturing for you to sit as if he owned the place. 

Kylo took your hand before you could consider your next move, squeezing your palm sharply. He sat back down in the arm chair, but rather than releasing you so you could sit in the one beside it he pulled you down on to his lap. You just barely managed to stifle a yelp of surprise, temporarily hiding your expression behind the curtain of your hair. Kylo leaned forward under the guise of possessively kissing the side of your head, but you felt his lips at your ear a moment later, speaking so softly you could only just make out the words, " _You_ wanted to play clueless trophy wife. Keep it up." 

While part of you wanted to remind him he hadn't left you with any other instruction, you needed the reminder. At least while Snoke was watching curiously. Tossing your hair back you shot an affectionate smile at Kylo, leaning into him as his arm wound around you, hand pointedly resting on your ass perched on his thigh.

If your lives weren't potentially on the line you might have been tempted to slap him. Instead you did the decent thing and consciously avoided his hidden wounds.

"So tell me, how long has this been going on?" Snoke asked, cocking his head to the side. The way he watched the two of you, studying every move, had you on edge. Did he suspect something? Was he having you watched, too? You still had no idea what Kylo had told him, nor what he would want _you_ to tell him. 

Thankfully Kylo appeared completely at ease. Though you could feel the tenseness of his muscles, outwardly he looked almost **casual**. "Not long. But you know me, I have a weakness for pretty little things. Hand me my drink, would you pet?" 

While it was Snoke you were trying to fool, suddenly it felt as though _Kylo_ were the one testing you. Not bristling at his condescending request took nearly every ounce of the self control you didn't know you possessed. Gritting your teeth you leaned forward and grabbed his glass from the table, handing it to him with a sugar smile that to someone who knew you would probably look less enticing and more **threatening**. 

"It must be odd, if not difficult for you. From what I understand your late husband was a significantly _different_ man than the one here with us now." Snoke went on, gaze now directed at you, clearly expecting your answer rather than input from Kylo. You would give him one thing, the guy knew how to go for the jugular while appearing entirely detached from the situation. 

Fortunately for you, both falling for and trying to manipulate Kylo had taught you a few things about compartmentalizing your emotions. Keeping your thoughts in check, too. A renewed surge of hatred for the deformed man sitting across from you flooded through you as you gave a nonchalant shrug, "He was. And if we lived in a fair world he would still be around. But we don't. We all make due with the cards we're dealt. I'm just fortunate mine included Kylo." 

You held your breath in the few seconds before an indulgent, condescending hum of assent from Snoke allowed you to release it. Granted he could have been a better actor than you gave him credit for, but he seemed appeased. 

Rather than allow to continue controlling the narrative, Kylo's hand on the back of your neck put an abrupt end to the pleasantries. Guiding you to him he claimed your lips in a rough, possessive kiss. His tongue invading your mouth, taking advantage of your surprise. Despite feeling your cheeks warm - knowing Snoke was still watching your every move - you felt heat race across your skin, a quiet moan you couldn't control spilling from your mouth to his. You moved your hand to his shoulder to steady yourself, breath coming shorter as he squeezed your hip so tightly you knew his thumb would leave a bruise. 

But just as suddenly as he'd initiated the kiss he was pulling away, pulling you back at the same time. Kylo looked considerably more in control than you felt. In fact, he appeared as unaffected as if you'd just been discussing the weather while you fought to catch your breath. "Why don't you go upstairs and get ready for me while Snoke and I finish discussing business." 

Part of you wanted to bristle at the command - and scoff in confusion, you had _no_ idea what he was talking about - but the meaningful look he shot you silenced your defiant impulses. He was trying to get you away from Snoke. 

You nodded, about to disentangle yourself from him, but Snoke cleared his throat as he rose unhurriedly from the couch, "No need. As long as the matter we discussed will be handled?" You risked a glance at the older man, not missing the dangerous glint in his eyes. You weren't sure you wanted to know what the ' _matter_ ' was you'd interrupted. 

"Consider it handled." Kylo replied smoothly, giving a nod, gaze never wavering from Snoke's until he was the one to nod and head towards the elevator. 

When he reached the doors he called jovially over his shoulder, "Lovely to have met you Mrs. Ren." 

You peeked at Kylo, unsurprised to find him watching Snoke, even after the doors had shut he remained frozen for several more seconds until he seemed to think it was safe to relax. At least somewhat. There was still something dark in his gaze when he looked back at you that hadn't dissipated. Not just his usual intensity. There was an edge that hadn't been there when you'd left him in the parking garage earlier. 

But rather than allowing you to get up, his hand appeared at your thigh, gripping tightly and silently urging you to straddle him. You followed his touch somewhat hesitantly, having learned by now the way his dark moods could easily backfire for you. You settled on his thighs, your knees resting by his hips. He raised a hand to you, fingers delicately curling around your chin. His thumb stroking your lower lip, "You continue to surprise me, little wife." Yet the way he said it, so quietly, so void of the pride he claimed to feel you wondered if he meant in a _good_ way. 

"Should I have lied? Pretended to be here for Ben?" You questioned, hating how breathless you sounded. How _weak_ you were for his touch. Even suspicious of him and plotting with Ushar behind his back you knew you would fall into his arms without hesitation. 

Kylo's smirk was fleeting and again didn't reach his eyes. He gave a slight shake of his head, his thumb now edging forward, skimming over the tip of your tongue, "He wouldn't have believed it. We needed a feasible reason why you were able to simply walk in here; you gave him one." 

You could taste the pad of his thumb, taste the faint saltiness of his skin. You fought the urge to take the entire finger in your mouth. With what little self control you had remaining you leaned back just enough to allow yourself the ability to speak, "Then why are you angry?" 

A dangerous question, but you could feel the tension running through his body. That same energy - perhaps just on a less **feral** scale - you had the night at the club when he'd punished you. There was violence in his eyes, and you weren't convinced it _wasn't_ directed at you. 

However, before he could answer you shifted slightly on his lap and your knee bumped into something hard and heavy at his side underneath his jacket. Confused, you glanced down to see the handle of a gun poking out from behind the leather. 

After your experience at the lodge firearms didn't unsettle you quite as much as they had before, but your comfort level was still relatively low in general. And yet...something about it in the moment didn't feel unnerving. Maybe it had more to do with his hand on your thigh, slowly inching higher, but it suddenly felt enthralling. 

Noticing your preoccupation he glanced down as well, raising a brow at you when he realized what you were looking at. Disregarding your question, he dropped his hand from your chin and reached into his jacket to pull out a gleaming black handgun. He held it between you, both you watching the way the overhead light played off the matte paint before. When he finally looked back at you, head tilting just slightly to the side, you felt the shift in the air. 

The promise that you were once again opening the door to step into Kylo's world. 

"Is this what has you so distracted?" Maybe it was your imagination - or wishful thinking - but some of the underlying anger in his eyes seemed to have been replaced by anticipation. A dark excitement that temporarily override whatever had been on his mind before. "Does it scare you?" he asked curiously. 

"It should," you countered, watching him raise the gun higher. The barrel was pointed in your direction, level now with your heart. The safety remained on, his finger close to but not touching the trigger. The proximity thrilled you. You could feel that pestering voice in the back of your mind screaming that you were being reckless. Stupid, even. But that side had been silenced with a rush of blood and adrenaline. 

"Ah," he breathed softly, lips curving in more genuine satisfaction. A resurgence of his earlier missing pride. Your breath hitched in your throat as he raised the gun again, tracing the cold metal down your cheek before hooking it under your chin to tilt your head up, "You're enjoying this. The rush. Not knowing from one moment to the next if you're as safe with me as you were with your Ben, or if I might just _snap_." 

With deliberate slowness he flicked his finger over the safety, pausing long enough to gauge your unchanged reaction. Seemingly pleased when you didn't object or pull away. Though the confession had yet to leave your lips, you knew he was right. Though you could feel your heart racing, your palms slick with sweat, you still made no effort to move. To tell him to stop. 

Skimming the gun along your cheek you swallowed as he tapped the muzzle softly against your bottom lip, "Open." he murmured. Even knowing his intent you still complied, parting your lips at his command. Cool metal slid into your mouth, the metallic tang tickling your tastebuds. "Suck it." 

Feeling a surge of liquid heat run straight to your core, you obediently wrapped your lips around the barrel, oddly savoring the taste. Clinging to the adrenaline coursing through your veins. Kylo's deep groan urged you on; you could feel his hardness straining against the fabric of his jeans. 

You continued to swirl your tongue over the gun as he slowly pumped it in and out of your mouth, pushing deeper towards the back of your throat. You could see his finger on the trigger, but the fear you knew you should feel never came. Deep down you knew you would never be as safe with Kylo as you had been with Ben, but you were beginning to question if you _wanted_ safety. You wanted Ben with every fiber of your being...but you wanted Kylo too. 

Your gazes remained locked, breaking only when one or both of you briefly closed your eyes, lost in ecstasy. You rolled your hips against him, hiding a smirk when his grip tightened. After all the times he'd caught you off guard, the few occasions when you managed to knock him off balance were note-worthy victories. 

When he suddenly withdrew the gun from your mouth you felt your expression shift to a pout of displeasure almost without your control, but the disappointment was short lived. Kylo lowered the gun again, but rather than to your chest, you gasped softly as you felt it pressing against your sex. Separated by only a few thing layers of fabric. Your hands moved to his shoulders, suddenly feeling more than just a little off balance as he rubbed the barrel against your throbbing heat, the friction alone already leaving you half delirious with need. 

"Kylo..." you breathed, knowing it wasn't in warning. You leaned into his touch, too consumed to care that you were brazenly asking to be fucked with a loaded gun. His free hand came to rest against your warmed cheek, softly stroking your skin with only the lightest of touches while the other hand pressed the gun harder against you, smirking at your unrestrained moan. "Harder, please. I need-"

The sound of a throat clearing cut off your plea. 

Startled, you looked to the left only to find Ushar standing there, probably looking as shocked as you had in the very same spot when you realized you'd interupted Kylo and Snoke earlier. One of Kylo's guards was already retreating towards the door, leaving Ushar to stand awkwardly and absorb the scene in front of him. 

You, still perched on Kylo's lap, with his gun pressed into your groin, panting and begging while he watched you, stroking you like a pet in _heat_. 

"Ushar, how kind of you to join us." Kylo said lazily, a smirk tugging at his lips. Clearly he wasn't nearly as bothered as you were by the intrusion. Yet, you could almost make out the exact moment when his earlier anger returned to his gaze. He suddenly seemed far more capable of delivering on his threats than he had only a few seconds before. 

Feeling your cheeks further warm with embarrassment - yet only _some_ of your need for him cooling - you scrambled off Kylo's lap, smoothing your hair and wrinkled clothes before you dared look in Ushar's direction. His gaze was slightly averted, watching Kylo wearily but seemingly determined not to see you. Was he that disgusted with you that he already couldn't stand the sight of you? 

You could only imagine how this looked to him. His best friend's wife mewling for the man currently inhabiting his body. Begging for the touch of a deadly weapon. Clinging on to him without a thought for the fact that you'd just met with Ushar not even hours before to continue planning to get Ben back. You'd shared plenty with Ushar about what had happened since inserting yourself in Kylo's world, but you hadn't exactly gone into detail that you were seldom able to combat the attraction you felt for him. 

Attraction that had _nothing_ to do with Ben.

"What are you doing here?" You finally managed to ask, looking between he and Kylo, who clearly wasn't surprised by Ushar's presence. No one came into his home without his consent, and the way he watched the two of you now made it clear he'd been waiting for this moment. 

Ushar, still looking without seeing, reluctantly turned towards you before nodding at Kylo, "Ask **him**." 

Kylo rose to his feet, still sporting that satisfied smirk. The gun remained in his hand, though he lowered it to his side. He cocked his head to the side when he glanced in your direction, his tone like silk when he spoke, "I just wanted to meet my new _employee_ in person." Taking a step closer to Ushar you realized how close in height and build they were; Ushar being only an inch or two shorter. But presently he looked like he wanted to wilt beneath Kylo's intense gaze. "I don't handle hiring at the club. It's a little below my pay grade. So imagine my surprise when I find out that none other than one of Ben Solo's closest friends took a position bar tending. An odd second job for a man already making a sizable living. Tell me something," Kylo glanced back at you over his shoulder, a brow pointedly raised before he turned to Ushar with a significantly less **friendly** expression, "what does a reputable accountant want with a part time bar tending gig in a strip club?" 

A thrill of fear raced through you; you'd been dreading this very moment. You'd tried to tell Ushar it was a bad idea to take the job, but he'd been so determined. So convinced it wouldn't be an issue. You wondered now if this wasn't the 'matter' Snoke had come to discuss. 

Seeing Kylo's grip tighten on the handle of his gun you stepped forward, lips parting with an excuse ready on your tongue. But before you could speak Kylo reached out, reflexes as sharp as ever, and grabbed your wrist to jerk you towards him. You stumbled as he pulled your back against his chest, his arm settling tightly across your collarbone. You flinched at the look on Ushar's face when Kylo kissed the top of your head, "Ushar is going to explain himself, and you're going to keep that pretty mouth shut until I tell you otherwise." 

It was not his usual brand of domineering. This wasn't foreplay. Maybe you still weren't in anymore danger than you had been before, but Ushar wouldn't be awarded the same privilege. If Kylo thought he was working against him....

The sound of Finn's groans of pain _echoed_ in your mind and you shuddered. 

"I used to work at a club in college. I guess you didn't remember that," Ushar replied smoothly, his gaze lingering too long on Kylo's grip across your shoulders, anger evident in his clear blue eyes. "I missed it. Believe it or not my day job can get pretty dull." 

"Why my club? My memories of Solo's life might be gone, but I remember you from the hospital. Your pitiful attempts at saving your _friend_."Kylo chuckled, as if something about the word was inexplicably amusing to him. You assumed he was just messing with Ushar until you saw the change in his expression; the guilt now lingering in his eyes. "No need to look so ashamed. I'm sure you aren't the only 'Knight' with a hard on for my wife." 

Instant denial was your first reaction, but it was the further look of guilt in Ushar's expression rather than Kylo's demand that prevented you from speaking. You studied him, trying to sort through the shock of the possible realization to any memory that you might have overlooked. As stunned as you felt you were more than willing to admit you hadn't paid the closest of attention to a lot of things after the accident. 

After a long, tense moment Ushar's eyes narrowed slightly, deliberately avoiding your searching gaze, "I don't owe you explanations. Your club was hiring and I took the job when it was offered. And she's not your wife. She married _Ben_. Who, by the way, none of us ever would have betrayed like that." You watched his fist clench as he spoke, but you felt reasonably safe in assuming he could control himself. Ushar might react strongly to certain things, but he wasn't impulsive. 

Nor blind to the gun still in Kylo's hand. 

But for all Ushar's anger, Kylo seemed only further amused. You felt him chuckle, disbelief clear in his tone, "Is that what held you back? That she was Ben's wife?" He stepped closer, in turn pushing you forward slowly until mere inches separated you from Ushar. Kylo rested his chin on the top of your head, _baiting_ , "Well, how fortunate for you that Ben Solo is **dead**. Perhaps I'm more generous than he was."

Ushar glanced down at you, conflict clear in his eyes that made you certain now you had definitely missed something. It wasn't that Ushar wasn't attractive - in fact he wouldn't look out of place on the pages of GQ - but you barely noticed other men _existed_ when you were with Ben. And after the accident you'd been so consumed with grief and trying to get him back you never would have considered moving on with anyone. Much less one of Ben's friends. 

But the way he was looking at you now, the desire barely hidden by the edginess, you knew Kylo was right. 

The moment of recognition must have dawned on your expression because Ushar gave a small sigh, the slightest nod of his head as if he wanted to confirm the truth just for you before turning an icy glare on Kylo, "I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm not interested in playing games with you." 

"But you are interested in playing them with _her_ ," Kylo immediately countered, the gun appearing beneath your chin once more. As much as you might have wanted to tell your body it was so not the time to re-surrender to that particular fantasy, you couldn't so simply just turn off the need he'd already ignited within you. He tilted your head up, all but offering you up to Ushar while you fought to control your accelerated breathing, "Go ahead. Touch her." 

This was, you already knew, yet another test. Not just for Ushar, but for you. To see how far he could push you. Perhaps to gauge your reactions to one another. You wondered if he suspected the two of you had been working together. Or if he already knew and now he was just enjoying playing with his food. 

You wished that knowledge was enough to take away your need for Kylo's touch. 

_It's okay_ you finally mouthed to Ushar, feeling a warm fluttering low in your belly. It would have been easy to say you were simply trying to keep Ushar alive - because you were certain Kylo wasn't going to let this go - but you didn't shrink from the idea of his hands on you. In fact after Kylo had worked you up and ultimately left you **unsatisfied** you had little aversion to the idea of your needs being met. No matter who was the one to meet them. 

Kylo's implied threat certainly didn't seem to be enough to bend Ushar's will, but your silent consent instantaneously darkened his eyes with lust. He reached for you, fingers tracing lightly along your cheek and down your neck, hindered from going further only by Kylo's arm still wrapped around you. You watched his chest rise and fall at a quicker pace, whatever internal battle he was waging clearly not being won. 

When Kylo abruptly released you, taking a small step backwards, you only had to wonder for a moment if he had proven his point. "Strip." 

Apparently not. 

Both your gazes immediately turned to him, but Kylo appeared as unfazed as ever. He tucked the gun in his back pocket, as if trying to show you he didn't need it for anyone's compliance. Where you were concerned, you couldn't say he was _wrong_. But the tenseness in Ushar's shoulders made you think he was still fighting with himself. 

"Don't be shy, pet. I can see the need in your eyes. We can fix that." Kylo coaxed softly in a voice like honey dripping from a spoon, his dark amber eyes locked on you so absolutely you felt your cheeks warm again. Or perhaps it was from his use of the word 'we'. 

With unsteady hands you reached for the hem of your top, sliding it over your head in one lithe movement. You tossed it on to the chair you'd been siting in with Kylo, urged into further bravery with the looks of hunger in both of their expression at the sight of your black lace strapless bra. Reaching behind your back with one hand you deftly unhooked it, pulling the thin fabric away, freeing your breasts from confinement and tossing the thin fabric away to join your top. 

"Fuck," Ushar breathed from beside you as you unbuttoned and shimmied first out of your jeans, and then your panties, stepping out of them and your flats when they dropped to the floor. You'd long since lost any sense of embarrassment around Kylo, but you couldn't help the moment of shyness when you felt Ushar's gaze sweeping over you. 

"Good girl," Kylo praised quietly, though he still maintained a few feet of distance. Giving you a look over, his gaze slowly shifted to Ushar, "There's rope in the cabinet in the dining room. Tie her to the table...however you want her." He turned a small smirk back on you undoubtedly at your expression, but did nothing more than merely nod towards the dining room table you'd seen earlier beneath the black chandelier. 

You almost questioned who the fuck kept rope in their _dining room_ cabinet, but Ushar's hand found yours, wrapping around your cold fingers. Looking up at him, you found little hesitation. In fact nearly all you found was **need** that reflected your own. There was a shadow there of guilt, but like you, he seemed to have decided to reserve it for later. 

Giving your hand a light tug, you followed him towards the dining room, realizing quickly that Kylo had yet to move. The hardwood floors were cool on your bare feet, smooth as glass. 

Ushar released your hand once you were next to the table before moving over to the small hutch that sat adjacent. Pulling open one of the cabinets he searched for only a moment before finding the rope Kylo had promised. When he turned back to you he held a few coils of smooth black rope and a long strip of black satin. 

You swallowed as he approached again. He nodded towards the edge of the table beside you, "Get on the table." Though despite the rough edge of his voice, you could still detect the reassurance in his eyes. When you moved to slide on to the smooth wood surface he grabbed your elbow to steady you, "Are you sure?" he murmured so quietly you were certain Kylo wouldn't be able to hear from where he stood, still watching in the shadowy living room. 

Mouth dry and not trusting yourself to speak, you simply nodded. Maybe when the reality of your choices settled in you would regret it, but in the moment you didn't have it in you to deny you wanted this. Both of them. 

Nodding in return Ushar hooked his arm underneath your legs, turning you sideways so your legs hung over the end of the table and moving the chair that sat on that end and pushing it away towards the wall. Taking one of the coils of rope he quickly unwound it before pushing against your shoulder, urging you to lay on your back. Once you complied he lifted your arm and secured one end of the rope around it in a makeshift cuff before pulling it down and securing it to the leg of the table so your arm stayed pinned at your side. He repeated the process with your other wrist, moving quickly and methodically. "You've done this before." you meant to ask, but your voice sounded small. Breathless already. You flexed your wrists, noting the lack of give. 

"Once or twice," he murmured, coming to stand in front of you. His lips were quirked in a small smile that faded quickly. You shuddered again when you felt his hands on your knees, urging your legs apart. Again you complied and he bent to begin twining rope around your ankles, urging your thighs even further apart. The rope was smooth against your skin. Tight, but not painfully so unless you pulled against it. When he was done he rose to his feet again, walking around the edge of the table to where your head rested at the edge. Grabbing the long strip of satin from the table he brushed his free hand over your hair, "Lift your head for me, sweetheart." 

Feeling another rush of heat you lifted your head up, allowing his to tie the material over your eyes, leaving you in complete blackness. He kept his hand under your head as he guided it back down to the surface of the table. 

"How long have you imagined having her like this?" You startled at the sudden sound of Kylo's voice, much closer now. His touch came seconds later, fingers trailing slowly down your arm and leaving a trail of gooseflesh behind them. 

You felt them both shifting around you but the blindfold made it impossible to see where or what they were doing. Something you might have thought before would make you nervous, but instead it was strangely arousing. Another hand caressed your thigh, making you squirm against the rope secured around your ankle. 

"A while," Ushar admitted after a few moments. A finger traced down your neck and collarbone before coming to palm one of your breasts, the sharp pinch to your hardened nipple making you gasp. 

"Such a responsive little pet." Kylo murmured. You felt another caress against your thigh, a hand you were sure was his. You felt his shift closer, standing between your spread legs now. The hand on your thigh moved steadily downwards until you felt his palm against your slick sex, his middle finger plunging into your wet heat without warning. A breathless moan escaped you as he stroked you; the lightest of touches against your throbbing clit leaving you aching. "This is mine." When he withdrew his finger you bit your lip to keep from whining in protest. Only a moment later you felt the brush of his clothes against your bare skin as he leaned over you. The tap of his finger against your lips, "Open." he repeated. 

And just like before you obediently parted your lips. You heard the soft sound of his spitting before his saliva pooled in your mouth. Warm and salt tinged. You realized he'd sucked your juices from his finger, letting you taste yourself. You swallowed before his hand reappeared at your cheek, turning your head to the side. Just over the edge of the table. "Put that filthy mouth to good use." 

Hands - Kylo's - appeared at your hips, pulling you closer to the edge of the table, your ass hanging just slightly over the side. You heard the unmistakeable sound of zippers before you felt the head of Kylo's cock at your sensitive entrance, "You cum when you're told, slut. Not a second before. Is that understood?" When your answer didn't come quickly enough another ruthless pinch to your nipple followed, though the brief flare of pain wasn't entirely unwelcome, "Answer me." 

"Yes, I understand." you managed to breathe out, only a moment before he plunged into you, any other coherent lost in a hoarse moan. You were wet but his considerable size still took getting used to, your walls struggling to accommodate him. 

Kylo's hands squeezed your hips tightly, beginning to thrust into you at a faster pace. The sound of clothes rustling temporarily distracted you before you felt Ushar's rock hard length against your cheek, prodding against your lips. His hand slid into your hair, twining tightly enough that you couldn't move your head so much as an inch away from his grip. Still breathing hard from Kylo's rough possession you opened your mouth for him, tracing your tongue over the tip of his cock. The saltiness of pre-cum coated your tongue, Ushar's quiet groan of approval mingling with Kylo's low grunts. 

Ushar's cock slide further into your mouth, sliding down your throat as you fought to breathe through your nose. Kylo continued to pound into you, his bruising grip on your hips made of the sweetest pain. You choked against Ushar when you suddenly felt the unmistakable coolness of metal against your clit; the gun. 

Ushar used his grip on your hair to pump himself in and out of your mouth at a punishing pace, the sheer size of his cock ensuring you couldn't take a breath. You rose your hips to eagerly meet the friction against your clit, your body lost to the sensations. "That's it. You love that, don't you? Being fucked with my gun on your clit." Without any hope of responding another muffled moan blended with the wet sounds of Ushar fucking your mouth. 

Ushar's hand disappeared from your hair only to slide down to your throat, gripping so tightly air refused to leave your lungs. He continued thrusting into you, groaning as you gagged against him, "Fuck, just like that." His cock twitched in your mouth, so close already. Your tongue slid over his length, the taste of sweat and salt overriding your senses. Even as you began to feel lightheaded from the lack of air you could feel yourself building, dangerously close to the edge. 

As if reading your thoughts the gun disappeared in an instant; the sharp slap of what you thought was Kylo's hand against your breasts snapping you out of your reverie, "No told you you could cum." He snarled breathlessly, still lost in your depths. But the sting of his strike wasn't nearly enough of a deterrent when you were so **overstimulated**. 

Ushar's grip loosened just enough to allow you to gasp in a lungful of air before his hand tightened again. Your world was consumed with blackness but you could feel your eyes straining. A wave of dizziness washing over you that mixed intoxicatingly with the heat burning across your skin. 

When he came his seed shot down your throat, drowning you in him until his hand loosened enough for you to swallow every salty drop filling your mouth. You could hear his ragged breath as he pulled his cock from your mouth. You heard the rustle of clothes again but his hand remained on your neck. "You're such a fucking good girl," he murmured. You felt him hovering over you before his lips were on yours, stealing whatever breath you managed to catch. 

At that moment you felt Kylo's gun at your clit again, furiously rubbing against you. You could feel how close Kylo was, his own breath rough, his hands on your hips squeezing so hard you could feel the pressure in your bones. You clutched at the ropes around your wrists, desperate to cling on to something as he drove you straight to the edge, "Cum on my cock, let me hear you scream for me." he growled, his loud, low moan of pleasure following as he came. Filling you with his hot seed. The gun slamming against your clit until you shattered, breaking away from Ushar as an intelligible scream tumbled from your lips, echoing around the room. 

You may have blacked out; it was impossible to tell with the blindfold. Either way you found yourself capable of little more than taking shallow breaths through the aftershocks, every nerve in your body alive and tingling with sensation. Your feet cramped from straining against your bonds, but you barely felt the discomfort. The sounds of all your heavy, sated breaths the only sound disturbing the high. 

At least for a few moments. Kylo withdrew from you abruptly and pulled the blindfold from your eyes. You blinked a few times, even the low light emitting from the black sphere chandelier above your head temporarily blinding you after being in complete darkness. Looking to the side you found Ushar resting his hands against the surface of the table next to you, expression unreadable and avoiding your gaze. Kylo had already turned away to the hutch he'd told Ushar to get the rope from. 

When he turned back you were confused to find him holding a roll of duct tape. He pulled a piece up and tore it off deftly with his teeth. Before either of you could question him he was back at you side, the tape slapped harshly over your mouth, cutting off your protests. Ushar took a step towards Kylo but in a flash Kylo ripped his gun from his back pocket, cocking it before pointing it directly in Ushar's stunned face, "Now that you've had your _fun_ ," he said mirthlessly, narrowing his eyes as he stepped closer, "tell me what the fuck you're doing working at my club. Are the two of you working together," he nodded towards you, ignoring your attempts to fight against the ropes holding you down before he killed Ushar for sport, "Or perhaps with the cops?" 

The alarm on Ushar's face might have been a dead giveaway, but he managed to somehow keep some composure. He raised his hands, gaze never wavering, "No one's doing anything like that. It's not a coincidence I ended up at your club - of course I knew you owned the place - but no one's working against you." The ability to lean on that half-truth might well have saved his life. 

You tried again to plead with Kylo through the tape but he quickly slapped his free hand over your mouth. Glaring down at you while still keeping the gun trained on Ushar, his tone was full of dark promise, "I'll deal with you in a minute." 

Turning back to Ushar, Kylo tilted his head to the side, seemingly considering his words, "I would hope you're telling me the truth, Ushar. Because if you're not and I find out that you're up to something I _promise_ you," he moved forward enough to press the muzzle of the gun to Ushar's forehead, his tone like ice when he spoke again, "what I do to you will be the sort of things not even your most **gruesome** nightmares could dream up." 

The chilling silence that followed as Kylo's threat sunk in was deafening. Even after he removed his hand from your mouth you didn't dare make a sound. Withdrawing the gun and tucking it back in his waistband, Kylo jerked his head towards the door, "Now get the fuck out of my house." With that he stepped around Ushar and headed into the kitchen. 

Even with the immediate threat gone you could still feel your heart hammering in your chest. You wondered how close Ushar had been to death. If Kylo hadn't believed him, would he be lying on the floor right now with a bullet in his skull? What would have stopped him? With his penthouse set up you imagined removing a body undetected wouldn't have been much of a chore. And it wasn't like Kylo was going to shed any tears over a man he didn't remember. 

When you glanced at Ushar you found looking the way you felt; pale and shaken. To the best of your knowledge the most violent thing Ushar had ever engaged in were a few bar fights and toxic relationships. You seriously doubted he'd ever stared down the barrel of a gun before wondering when he might take his last breath. 

When he looked down at you though, all you could see was concern. Worry for _you_. Because it had finally clicked for him that you weren't just spending time with a man so ruthless; you were falling in deeper with his world with every passing day. 

He reached for your wrist, but as if he could sense what the two of you were doing Kylo's snarl drifted in from the kitchen, "Don't fucking touch her. Get out before I have you _removed_." 

Ushar looked like he was going to argue, but you quickly shook your head, nodding towards the door instead. Kylo might have scared you, but you knew without a doubt whatever he would do to Ushar for refusing was considerably **worse** than whatever he intended for you. You nodded again when he didn't move, silently begging him to listen. 

The conflict in his eyes was clear. Even though he eventually nodded stiffly, you could tell how reluctant he was to leave. With one last meaningful look he mouthed _text me so I know you're safe_ before clenching his fists and quickly heading back towards the front door. You heard what sounded like a guard's voice before a door shut, once again leaving the room around you in silence. 

You forced yourself to take even breaths, trying to keep the raging emotions and adrenaline surging through your veins in check. The cool air washing over your naked skin did a lot to cool the heat that had been consuming you; the feeling of Kylo's seed leaking from your swollen pussy and drying between your thighs a stark reminder of how far you'd allowed things to go. Yet even with the haze of need gone, the guilt you'd been waiting for still had yet to make its appearance. 

Perhaps it was waiting to find out if Kylo was going to throttle you. 

You weren't sure how much time passed before you heard the sound of his returning footsteps. When he came to rejoin you beside the table again he was carrying a half-empty glass of what looked like scotch; his shirt completely unbutton and exposing the smooth contours of his well-defined chest. Setting the glass down next to you, you realized he was holding a knife in his other hand. 

Holding it up briefly, he gave you a stern look, mixed with only the slightest hint of dark humor, "Stay still," He warned before setting to work. As he asked, you remained completely still as he cut away your bonds, sliding the knife between your skin and the ropes before cutting it away. When you were untethered from the table he offered you his hand before pulling you into a sitting position and pulling the tape from your mouth, 

Sliding his shirt off his shoulders he swung it around you, helping you shrug your tired arms into the sleeves, "I meant every word I said to him," he warned you quietly as he pulled the two sides of the shirt together. It was enormous on you so he had no difficulty securing the buttons from your thighs up to your chest, "And I hope you know I mean it when I say," finished with your shirt he grabbed your chin tightly, forcing you to meet his gaze. The intensity of his stare left you feeling weak in the knees. Rather than feeling the murderous intent he had for Ushar, he clearly had something very different in mind for you, "I _will_ find out what you're up to. And when I do, I look forward to **breaking** you of any remaining delusions that I can be manipulated into anything. And if you're plotting with him, I will slaughter him while you watch, and my beautiful little wife," he leaned in, tenderly pressing his lips against yours in a falsely loving kiss before he broke away to lean his forehead against yours, "I will introduce you to a world of pain so **spectacular** disobedience will become something you only read about in fiction." 

You flinched as he released your chin and instead wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you off the table and steadying you on your feet before releasing you entirely and grabbing his drink. He took a long sip before setting the glass back down and striding from the room, calling over his shoulder as casually as if you'd just discussed lottery numbers rather than death threats, "Let's go take a shower."

***********************

The man watched from across the street from Kylo's building as Ushar Lavery pulled out of the garage. Though he got only a brief glimpse of the man's expression, he looked pale. Haunted. Whatever he'd been hauled up to the penthouse for apparently wasn't good news. 

Not that it was much of a shock. He imagined Kylo had been none too pleased to find out that one of his former self's friends had been hired at the club. It was suspicious. And he suspected that Ushar was working an angle with the wife. They had to have known one another well. And why after months of no contact with Kylo would he just change his mind and go seeking a job at the club without an ulterior motive? 

It all worked in his favor, though. If Ushar was working against Kylo he was out of his depth already. He needed, and would probably accept help. And he was such a white knight either in his efforts to get his friend back, or support his friend's wife that he could be manipulated into doing whatever needed to be done. 

While the whole thing was moving far too slowly for his liking, the pieces were beginning to fall into place. The chessboard was set before him; now all he needed to do was strategize every possible outcome so that when the time came he could destroy Kylo Ren so completely he would become just as much of a memory as Ben Solo. 

*******************

**(** a/n **)**

welp. that was fun. 

y'all know smut isn't my comfort zone, I hope it didn't disappoint. 0___o

please please please comment/vote, I love hearing from you guys about what you thought of the chapter!

until next time <3


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